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Djinn - Hello Everyone and Welcome to the ECE Meeting. Tonight we will be discussing families in crisis and how we can support them. This seems to be an escalating problem in many areas. My county has a 14% unemployment rate so we have many families living on the edge. Does anyone have a school plan or District policy?
meeha/ece/tx - sounds good!
meeha/ece/tx - employment rate here is pretty good -- just low$$$ jobs is the problem
Djinn - Had my first battered family in hiding last week.
Djinn - Dad fled the house and the family went into hiding. Dad tried to take kids off bus - Scary for the little ones
Jane/k/Mo - Djinn, it really affect the child when a family is having major problems
Doug - Djinn- is it hard to mentally leave it at school? When stuff like that happens I get upset at home too and take it out on my family.
Doug - Djinn- I teach a very low SES population. I see lots of things I wish I didn't
Djinn - Doug - yes you are right- very difficult to separate. Worried because student was not in school on Friday
Djinn - Doug - our population is shifting and we are getting more and more families in crisis
Jane/k/Mo - I had a student that cried every day for first two months of school, mom claimed it was school problem but it turned out child was afraid that dad would make good on his threat to kill mom while child was at school.
Jane/k/Mo - when mom agreed to seek help, child's worries changed
meeha/ece/tx - Jane -- how sad for the child.
Djinn - Does anyone have a school policy regarding these kinds of things? We are floundering because we have gone from a very small farming town to a rural bedroom community
meeha/ece/tx - we don't seem to have any real policies in place ... seems the issues get shuffled from one person to another in our building
sue - djinn, how are you defining crisis-- emtional, physical or financial
Doug - Our problem is that our districts psychologist services 900 kids between Monday and Tuesday. I hear the problem is worse in high school
Jane/k/Mo - I don't think that we have a written policy as such. We do refer families to school counselor and she helps families get professional help
Jane/k/Mo - we do not have a psychologist on staff, but there are crisis personal available by contract
sue - djinn, we have a support system of local churches that will help our familes with food and clothes and some emergency monies. If there is a need for other services they are referred to FINS- families in need of services in the courts
Djinn - Our Counselor is with us two days a week - servicing two schools- about 1400 kids in all. We have 4 nurses for a district of 3 high schools and 14 elementary
meeha/ece/tx - It seems like school districts have a working plan of action for 'major catastrophies' like the death of a student (or students), community loss, death of staff member -- yet these, equally devastating issues are ignored
Doug - We have a United Way listing of services in our area but to get a family to call these is sometimes very hard.
sue - we also have 2 full times social workers who handled any crisis and act as resources. there is also a group called friends of the community who offers free counseling to indigent familes
Jane/k/Mo - We have a local food pantry that helps with food, there is a charity group that helps some families get emergency rent/ fuel monies
Djinn - Our United Way is based in another City - we don't have a local one. It seems that our poor school secretary has the job of referring many
sue - a lot of times it's the teachers who pitch in to help a family
carrottop - We have a wonderful social worker who does home visits and is wonderful working with families and students. But she is the only social worker for the whole district
sue - djinn, what about getting adopted by a local church?
Brutus - In our school district, we now have a child social worker in our school one day a week. She can make contact with families to help them if needed.
Djinn - Sue- We have been doing just that for our Kinders. But found that this year there were too many for us to help
Jane/k/Mo - our district does have a referal service for professional counseling services but the district does not offer counseling as such to families, it may be due to insurance libilities
Djinn - Sue - great idea - I'll put ask at our next staff meeting
sue - our social workers will work one on one with parents and with small groups of children, they are also referred to the local mental health clinic
Djinn - We have a family counseling service with a sliding scale
Jane/k/Mo - the school counselor, works with students on an individual and small group basis, in addition to giving all of the testing required for student placement in special program
Djinn - How can we help our own students? What kinds of things do you do in the classroom to help
Jane/k/Mo - needless to say, she really doesn't have enough time to work one on one with the students that need help
sue - djinn- my church sort of adopted my school this yr, provided school supplies for 50 kids, our officially adopted school receives the communion offering twice a year, supprt for field trips, adult volunteers to tutor, and supplies food for thanksgiving in addtion to having each sunday school adopt a family at Christmas-- it works!!
meeha/ece/tx - Do we teach them the 'words' they need to express their feelings -- be it emotional or physical?
Djinn - I have had several students lose family members this year. I find the best thing to do is let them know you are there for them to talk or get a hug
Jane/k/Mo - Listen, without commenting/ or brushing aside the concern
Doug - I find that conflict reolution techniques diffuse anger. I also like to teach "how to get along." It is a skill that many of my parents appear to forget to teach. I am not blaming just observing
sue - I agree sometime it just helps to let them know you are listening
Djinn - I have also had several children whith parents in Jail. This is a toughie
meeha/ece/tx - The classroom must be a 'safe haven' where the children can be free to be children ... can 'forget' some of the stressors of their daily lives (if need be)
carrottop - Last year we read "A Gift for Tia Rosa" at the beginning of the year. Tia Rosa dies. It gave an opportunity for us to help a set of twins who lost an aunt right soon after we read the story.
Jane/k/Mo - it is so hard not to get angry when one of my students has been a victim of abuse or mistreated, but if I show anger, the child then feels that I am upset with him
Djinn - I agree Meeha - sometimes the best thing is to go on and continue that routine. No changes
sue - djinn, it happens twice a yr in our area when the local sheriff does a drug sweep, moms and dad "go away"
Doug - Meeha- you are very correct
meeha/ece/tx - I don't have a list at hand, but there are several books written at the ece level which provide a 'springboard' for discussion -- allow them to talk and (possibly)learn that they aren't alone
Djinn - Jane - I find that it is difficult for me to talk to the parent of an abused child.
sue - i feel the best I can do for my kids is to provide a stable, loving, caring environment fron 8 to 3. I do what I can to help with the crisis outside of school but sometimes it's not possible to help
Doug - Meeha- the booklist can be found under bibliotherapy in most search engines
Addie k/mo - you could probably find some titles if you did a search on "bibliotherapy for young children"
Djinn - My partner has a little one who has been taken out of a very abusive situation. She calls him on the weekends to assure him she will be back on Monday
sue - do any of you deal with children from group homes?
Djinn - Sue - no group homes but many in Foster care
Doug - I have had a few over the years
Addie k/mo - i had a couple in foster care this year, one is still in my class
sue - we have several children who lives at the Methodist Home, it's really hard to reach them.
sue - at least half of my kids are being raised by grandparents or" others"
Djinn - Sue - I am finding that more and more. Many grandparents and aunties are raising these children
meeha/ece/tx - sue -- i am finding more and more that grandparents and other family members are raising children
bluebird - My school serves a large HUD community. Some of the needs of children will break your heart. But, sympathy disables us.
sue - it's upsetting, I have one child who in a household of 15 kids becuase the cousin is the only one not in jail to ake care of everyone else's kid!
Djinn - I have found that my professional training did not help me when i started encountering these children. Does anyone have a good resource?
sue - my school is 97.65 free lunch and the majority come from fed subsidized housing
brutus - I have a little boy who is in a foster home and he told me today that his little sister got to go back home over Christmas. He is still in foster care.
sue - djinn, for dealing with kids in poverty, I recommend anything by ruby payne. it's an eye opener
Addie k/mo - bluebird, do you mean that "too much sympathy" as far as excusing behaviors because "he doesnt have a mama" or "she is in foster care"?
sue - brutus, there may be reason.
Doug - In Reading Recovery, a teacher told our continuing contact class that her child lives in a car. The teacher leader was empathetic but still had the same expectations for the child. I found that interesting and it stuck with me. Just thought I would share.......
bluebird - I had a conference with a very needy family the other day. A beautiful little girl (EMD) looked up to the man sitting in the conference and asked, "Are you my Daddy? I don't think so!" I was short on words.
Djinn - The last school I worked in was in an upper middleclass neighborhood. The children were also suffering from abuse and neglect. Parents commuting and out of the home from 6:00 am to 7pm and no supervsion for children
meeha/ece/tx - I wind up deeply involved in the lives of the children when needs are present -- i overextend emotionally and financially if i'm not very careful!
bluebird - Exactly, Addie.
bluebird - Doug, I attended a RR meeting in our district today. It is good to get together----today to celebrate teacher success.
sue - here's somethng I've done in the past. we had "clothes friday'. All kids clothes that were donated by the church were placed on a table. Everyone got to pick at least 2 items. While the kids were napping, I put the items into borwn bags. The kids who needed more were given additional items at this time. No one knew who reaaly needed it.
Deb PS/IA - hubby gave me permission to financially go over with some memorial and flowers for one of my students who lost their dad yesterday
bluebird - Good idea Sue.
Addie k/mo - i agree, i dont think that we are doing the kids a favor when they are not held to high expectations....i think that is treating them with respect and showing confidence in them. i think that sometimes we have to remember though that we may be the only smiling face, hugging arms or listening ears the kids have. i think you can be both firm and kind
Djinn - Oh Deb - that's so sad.
meeha/ece/tx - well said, Addie!
sue - addie, you're right regardless of hoem situation the kids have to learn to function in a larger societu
Djinn - Thanks Addie - balance is the key
Deb PS/IA - You are right Addie! I just got back from visiting this family and my preschooler ran up and jumped into my arms and gave me a hug.
bluebird - It seems that teachers are faced with responding to so many emotional situations.
Djinn - I find that many times a hug, pat on the back, and a let's get on with our day is just what they want
Addie k/mo - yes, hopefully to prevent another generation of "victims"....i know that sometimes kids can really do more than you think and when they accomplish something (especially something they thought they couldnt) that really gives their self esteem and confidence a boost
meeha/ece/tx - Deb -- how it this family handling the crisis?
sue - blubird, I've had kids discover murdered parents in their apartments, see parents stabbed in tehir front yards, watch their entire houses burn all in one yr!
pres - all teachers should treat all children the same regardless of their backgrounds
Djinn - you are right. They are all special
sue - but the key is to realize the background and how it affects the childrens perceptions and reactions
Deb PS/IA - So far this year I lost a former student to cancer, had to hide one from an abuse situation until sheriff came, and now one of my little ones lost his dad. Plus our school has had a scarry situation with a HS sexually harrassing kindergartners. Sometimes I think the world is going to heck in a hand basket!
bluebird - We have a Student Assistance Team that brings together community network to address crisis situations. It works.
Djinn - Bluebird - that sound really interesting. Could you go into detail?
pres - that is why we are teachers too teach the children how things should be..
meeha/ece/tx - exactly, Djinn -- and to bring children to a point where they are financially, emotionally, and professionally able to create a better future for themselves you really must be that 'matter of fact' about it!
Deb PS/IA - meeha - mom is in shock but doing better than yesterday. She was trying to help pull the tractor out of a slick spot when the tractor tipped over onto her husband
Djinn - Looks like we are having the same problems from coast to coast
Deb PS/IA - I am just sorry all these children have lost their innocence and have had to grow up so fast!
bluebird - Our Student Assistance Team consists of Principal, school psychologist, DHEC nurse that is site based at our school, DMH therapist that is site based at our school, counselor, speech clinican, Teacher Leader, and classroom teacher. If student is in upper
meeha/ece/tx - Deb -- the hard thing to remember is that now is probably the 'easiest' time for mom and kids -- two weeks from now, when the support lags off is when the going gets rough --
sue - addie, I was stationed in "electric alley" one yr with drive by shootings one yr! it is a challeng but I love it.
Djinn - Wow Bluebird - sounds like your school is prepared.
Deb PS/IA - bluebird we are required by the state to have student assistant teams in all our bldgs
sue - what recourse do you have when a family refuses to get hlep for a child in crisis?
Deb PS/IA - Mom lives just two miles down the road so I will try and keep in contact with her
bluebird - We are not required to have a team. But we are required to have Student Assistance going on.
Praline/3rd/LA - I guess I am lucky not to have those extreme situations at my school,at least hardly ever.
Djinn - Sue - we call Child Protective Services/ try to get district nurse involved. Just doesn;t seem like enough
sue - ( clinton just promised tax credit for stay at home moms)
meeha/ece/tx - sue -- at some point one has to ask 'is it emotional neglect?' 'is now the time for contacting cps?'
sue - CP takes forever in our ara
meeha/ece/tx - and the other question ... is the family in denial that there is a crisis for the child?
meeha/ece/tx - same everywhere, sue -- slow and unsure :-(
bluebird - We were pro-active. We approached these agencies and asked them to come on board. We offered space for office and a phone. They fund the rest---including salary. These agency folks only work with our students. Most are Medicaid eligible...this helps
sue - meeha, child needs cousneling and needs complete ed evaal, parent refuses, all I can do is go due process-- a 9 month proces!
Deb PS/IA - Clinton is also promising to cut school funding if they don't start living up to making children better (Saturdays radio address). SO if he is going to make us accountable who is going to make parents accountable?
Djinn - Meeha- we are collecting data for a child we think is neglected - parents won't sign forms for hearing test or speech therapy. Child is late 10 min. to an hour everyday. Mostly child cannot communicate.
Deb PS/IA - Getting special needs services is such a pain! It is such a paper trail nightmare!
bluebird - Deb, that is the big question. Parent accountablity is always an issue.
meeha/ece/tx - Djinn -- is there a district truancy officer? in our district 3 tardies= 1 absence! Educational neglect could also probably be addressed by that person.
sue - djinn, any child traady more than 12 times or absent more than 15 is automatically referred to the courts-- FINS-- families in need of service
Djinn - Deb - sometimes it can take two years!
Praline/3rd/LA - Does it really do any good,sue?
Djinn - Because Kinder is not mandatory the turancy officer must keep hands off until child is 6. Cut off for kiner is Dec. 2 so We don't have many 6 year olds
meeha/ece/tx - Teachers can only do so much ... the children must arrive at the school rested, fed and ready to learn ... or there is little we can do but hope and try!
sue - praline, it does work
brutus - What about a family in denial? I teach sp.ed. I have a girl in 1st who is going to be 9 years old. She is functioning at 2. Mom wants us to adapt. Any advice?
bluebird - Good work, Djinn.
Djinn - You are right Meeha, but many of us feel as though we must FIX it.
sue - meeha, we feed about 600kids breakfast every morning, no one eats at home. the parents are not taking any responsibility for feeding them or making sure they are rested
Djinn - Thanks Bluebird
Deb PS/IA - BUt, teachers need to document everything so at least it's not the school's fault for not educating the child properly because he couldn't come to school ready to learn!
sue - brutus-- do you have a soec ed social worker? we have several who are assinged only to spec ed who are adept at explaining the kids problems
Djinn - Document Document Document - my cry to all!!
Deb PS/IA - brutus - that is a tough situation. You need the support of the area or educational unit on that one
meeha/ece/tx - sue -- the schools make it EASY for parents to abdicate their roles -- feeding kids, providing onsite care after school, tutoring in prep for state testing, etc. But -- we need kids who have eaten and are well-nourished, who are supported in their learning skills, and who are safe after school -- where do schools draw the line?
bluebird - I like to read....for fun. Sometimes, it helps me clear my mind of the daily issues at school. We have to take care of ourselves in order to be the best in the morning. I see alot of teachers burn out from the stress of dealing with families.
Praline/3rd/LA - Same here sue, they eat candy for breakfast, watch TV until 10 or 11 o'clock at night...
sue - it's all a question of reponsibility. i have sent notes home to parents telling them they need to bathe their children nightly and wash their clothes. my 4 yr old babies are raising themsleves !
meeha/ece/tx - good point, bluebird!
Djinn - Brutus - sometimes the parents need to work in the classroom and see just what they can and cannot do. Invite them in to see.
brutus - No we don't. The mother is just so out of touch with reality. This child can not tie her shoes, zip her coat or pack to go home without being told step by step what to do.
meeha/ece/tx - we are now facing a generation of children being not parented by parents who weren't parented ... and, hence, don't know how to parent!
Praline/3rd/LA - I love to read ,Bluebird..but there is hardly any time anymore...
Deb PS/IA - With the sped parents receiving their little booklet of student rights and they will demand all of those rights regardless of the child's learning condition.
sue - meeha, I agree but the fact is our kids aren't ready to learn. go back to your maslow's heirachy. they can't learn if the basic needs aren't met
bluebird - One thing that surprised us was our required report card conferences. We make them meaningful, sometimes offer snacks,etc. OUr 98% free lunch parents come.
Djinn - Yes and with so amny 504 plans from parents who are knowledgable - paperwork is making a mountain on my desk
sue - blue, sometimes it not lack of love,it's lack of knowing the right thing to do
Deb PS/IA - Brutus - have the child tested and get permission for the child to be video taped or have parents observe the child. Keep a file of the work samples of the child and show them what the average child does for that grade level (Annymous work no other child's name on the work).
Kathleen - An article: "Helping Children Deal With Grief": http://family.go.com/Features/family_1997_08/ctpt/ctpt87grief/ctpt87grief.html
Djinn - Thank you Kathleen _ just what I needed for a little one in my room
luv-2-teach - I am currently working with several families in crisis...I'm a Head Start teacher.
Deb/WI - Djinn there is also a coloring book out title "Saying Goodbye!" It uses a character almost like suzy zoo.
Djinn - hey Luv- do you have community resourses involved with your families
Deb PS/IA - Resources dealing with grief and children have really become abundant
Deb/WI - I did my Master's Thesis on death and dying 10 yrs. ago and it was almost impossible, but now the resources are wonderful.
luv-2-teach - Our agency has a position called Family Resource Educator..it is a big help.
Deb PS/IA - You'd be surprised how helpful your local funeral director is with death resources (at least my dad does a good job).
Djinn - so we have agreed that there are more and more families in crisis. The problem is finding the resources to deal with them
meeha/ece/tx - Hospice organizations are very helpful, too!
Deb/WI - Jules that is one thing I did when I taught my course was to take a field trip to the funeral home. I invited parents to come along and it turned out to be an excellent field trip.
meeha/ece/tx - Djinn -- sometimes it is finding the resources for them, but i think often it is helping the families find the strength to utilize the resources (to identify the needs, to pull up roots and reach out for help and to accept that it is OK to need assistance!)
Deb PS/IA - The social agencies are over worked, over paper loaded, and burdened by increased children crisis problems
Deb/WI - I know there are some grants out right now through Title I to make family resource centers.
Djinn - My problem is I want a plan of action in place and no one seems to think that is necassary. It's difficult to get support from admin.
Djinn - Deb - how true - i spent 10 years as a welfare worker and we were overworked then ( way back before kids and teaching!)
Deb/WI - I see nothing wrong with that Djinn. there will come a time when you need that plan.
Kathleen - Helping with death and dying: http://www.springnet.com/ce/ce967a.htm
Deb PS/IA - We must have all that in place already Djinn. All that new 504 stuff has us on alert
meeha/ece/tx - that can be frustrating, Djinn -- when a problem is identified it needs a plan of action implemented effectively! by not recognizing and responding to the need for such, the administration actually becomes a (significant) part of the problem.
Deb/WI - In Wisconsin it is a state mandate to have many plans such as this in place. A school can get into a lot of trouble without plans on file.
Djinn - Meeha- it took them 5 years to recognize gang activity - 5 years toolate!
Deb PS/IA - Deb - same applies in Iowa
Djinn - Looks like our time is up. Thank you all so much for participating in this great discussion. I have some things to really think about!
Deb/WI - Djinn that's the one thing I can say about my school district. We had some kids try to start some gang problems between 2 high school. Needless to say 21 students were suspended because of that activity.
meeha/ece/tx - Thanks for doing such a great job, Djinn!
Djinn - Don't forget to come back next Tuesday!
Kathleen - Meeting Children's Special Needs Throught Parents Helping Parents: http://www.php.com/
Kathleen - Djinn, thank you for a very helpful session!!
Djinn - Good night all!
