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Emma - Hello and Good evening everyone. My name is Emma McDonald and I am a veteran teacher. My teaching partner, Dyan Hershman, and I mentor new teachers. We are also the authors of a book entitled, Survival Kit for New Teachers. Tonight our chat is about Parent Communication. The topic is Developing a Positive Relationship with Parents.
coleen - i just began my internship and need to get a good start with the parents. I began with sending the parents a letter introducing myself.
Emma - Coleen, that is a good idea. Sending a home to parents telling them who you are gives them idea of who their child will be working with in school.
Emma - Well, why don't we start with what an introductory letter should include. Any ideas?
coleen - I've been warned that some of the parents are very verbal about everything the teacher does. How do I handle them if i do something they do not like?
coleen - I began my letter stating what my job was going to be and a little bit about myself.
Emma - With diplomacy. You first need to find out what their concerns are. Let them vent. As they are talking, you need to ask yourself a couple of questions: 1) Is there a misunderstanding? 2) Is there a real concern here 3) Do I have a good reason for what I am doing?
Aussie - As a parent I like to know a bit about the teacher, interests, hobbies and sport interests.s
Emma - When a parent has a concern or a complaint, find out what it is before you meet with them and then come prepared to back up your actions with reasons, research, etc.
coleen - and as i have heard over and over again document everything that is said or takes place
Emma - I always like to include a little bit about myself and my teaching background. When I was a student teacher, I told them the university I attended and what year I was.
Emma - Coleen - That's right. Be sure to document everything! Also, be sure that you keep all of your documentation; even when a student leaves your school. You never know when they, and their problems, may return.
Aussie - Don't be rushed in meeting with the parent, make a time and place that suits you!
Emma - A word of caution though, be sure that you document everything without emotion. Simply record the events and words spoken as if you were a reporter. Do not let any emotion get through. Emotion in a write-up or documentation of any kind can end up giving you trouble in the long run. It doesn't hold up well in principal meetings or in court.
coleen - this doesn't pertain to parents, but the class i am interning in has at least 7 students with behavioral problems or ADHD.One child is almost retarted and one should be in a self contained class. how do i teach with the constant interruptions from these children?
Emma - Definitely, Aussie. The meeting should take place somewhere that is convenient for both you and the parents.
jas - When meeting parents about complains or concerns depending on where they got their information, I like their child to be in the meeting. This way the child has to clarify any misinformation given to his/her parent.
Emma - Coleen - we all have to teach with constant interruptions. You want to try and get the interruptions as much under control as possible. Are these students receiving special services for their needs? Get with the special education teacher to find out what you can do to keep interruptions at a minimum.
Emma - I agree Jas, especially with older students. Older students have more of a problem telling a "story" when both the parents and teacher are in the same room with them.
jas - I've had success with this approach. It's worked for me and parents have also gotten to know me better.
coleen - they are getting special services, but some are just difiant. even my supervising teacher has a hard time getting in a lesson without constant repremanding. it feels like wasted time. of course every class has a few behavioral probelms, but not 7 or 8 children in one class.
Emma - Coleen - Also, there may be certain things that motivate these students. Find out what they are and work with them. For instance, I had one student who constantly yelled out and disrupted class. I discovered that he loved to draw and that he actually listened better and retained more information when he was drawing than when he was sitting quietly at his desk. So, I let him start drawing while I was teaching. He stayed better behaved and actually learned more.
diane - hello, I am trying to follow the converation, you are hsving behavioral proble,s with 7 students? I am having similiar problems with 7 too
coleen - what about the children who are all over the class room. rolling on the floor and laying on top of the desks?
Emma - Coleen - My first year teaching I had a class like that. I had 10 girls and 15 boys. Of those 15 boys, 8 were diagnosed as emotionally disturbed. I had to constantly deal with disruptions from them. It was a daily challenge.
Aussie - I am about to start my first term as a begining teacher and am wanting to be postive and enthusiastic with the students and the families, in other words I want them to know I am approachable, how do I get this across?
jas - Is this an inclusion classroom or a special needs classroom?
diane - I have 22 6th graders 14 are boys. 3 ADHD --this is my first year teaching too--in my own classroom that is
Emma - One thing that may help is to bring the parents in. You might try calling the parents and asking them if they could come to observe your class one day while their child is in there? This will let the child know that his/her parents are paying attention and are working with you, the teacher.
coleen - neither. a regular classroom, just a variety of students- some that should not be in the class.
Emma - Aussie - The best way to get this message across is to give them a call or make a home visit. A phone call goes a long way to letting parents know that you are approachable.
diane - hat I have leaned so far is be tough, show them you are in charge. I look young for my age and they knew I was new so I had a tough problem gaining respect
jas - Colleen do you use cooperative group work?
coleen - no. it just ends up in chaos. even individual work is choas.
coleen - they are first graders
diane - same problem here. I had to break up groups, 6th graders here
Emma - When you have your first conversation with parents, introduce yourself and let them know what you are teaching (i.e - grade level or subject area). Let them know a little bit about what you'll be doing this year and then give them a chance to talk to you. Ask them if there is anything you should know about their child. Ask if they have any concerns about this year. Then, let them know that you want them to feel comfortable coming to you with any concerns. Make sure you emphasize that you want them to come to you first with any concerns so that you can work through whatever the problem is.
Emma - Diane & Coleen - Have either of you implemented behavior modification plans?
diane - yes, I have 3 kids ( all boys ) on behavior charts
Emma - This is also something you can do with parents. It helps them be more involved with their child in school.
coleen - well this is only my internship- but the teacher has a behavioral plan
diane - It basically works, as long as I remind them especially in the morning, when they first come in
Emma - Are the parents enforcing the behavior plans at home too?
coleen - behavior charts- i htink there is a problem with the parents being involved too.
diane - I think so, I call home offten on all 3 of them. They know my voice now LOL
sy - Hello, my assist. principle told me to call a parent about an office referal. After I updated mom on a SAT meeting she did not attend, I explained to her about the students loud, rude, and disrespectful behavoir. She proceeded to scream at me saying "you people never send daily reports or homework like I ask then you call me and tell me all this #*!*#. I tried to explain that her child tears up and throws away everything I give her. She slammed the phone in my ear. Now her child brags about how My Mom yelled at the teacher and is worse than ever. Help, I do not know what to do next. The student is driving me crazy. (1st Grade)
diane - they LOVE computers so that is the reward if they get so many points through out the day
Emma - If you can encourage the parents to use the behavior chart at home and try to reinforce the same behaviors you are working on at school, you may start to see some more improvements.
Emma - Computers are very motivational! I use them all the time.
jas - I can empathize with you. I had a second grade class that sounds just like that. Children who did not have any schooling skills. It was my first year in a new school and the teachers later told me that they gave me all those students because they didn't want them. So I ended up with a difficult group of students. I cried, almost quit my job. I talked to my principal and told her that I had to teach these students some schooling skills first before teaching them academics. She knew this bunch well and told me to do whatever it takes. It wasmy toughest year!
Emma - Sy - You need to start mailing the reports to the home address. Some students are notorious for not giving mom the required report. The mother is probably feeling as frustrated as you are right now and you are the easiest person to blame.
diane - That is the reward they get for good behavior, (10 minutes) I need something after that if they don't make the alloted points
diane - I had a father yell at me too, right in front of his son, I lost anything I had gained--it was terrible.
Emma - Let the mom vent the next time you get her on the phone. Also, be sure that you find one nice comment to start off with. This usually gives parents who have to constantly listen to bad reports a bit of a shock and will give you some time with an open ear.
diane - I can't say I have a great relatioship with many of my parents. Which is unfortunate. Many speak spanish si I have a hard time reaching them
Aussie - Anyone with any good books on what to ask the parents at the parent interview?
diane - parent conference?
Emma - Once the mother has vented her frustration and anger (remember, she is more frustrated with her son than with you), tell her that you are trying to help her son. Keep saying that over and over and let her know that you want to work WITH her to help her son. This will be a beginning to a working relationship with her.
Emma - Aussie - Are you required to do a parent interview? Also, what is a parent interview? Here in the states we call parents either before school or during the first week of school.
sy - I plan on mailing copies of the 1 inch pile of referals home. Do I need to just let these kind of things go? Mom knows I am a first year teacher and her son is perfect. I don't think this child will change? My whole class is tired of him.
Emma - Diane - Do you have someone who can act as a translator in your school? I often got either another staff member or a student to translate letters, newsletters home so that my Spanish speaking parents could understand the information.
mel - I am working in a classroom with an other teacher. she gave me some good advise when talking to parents. Tell them what you have to say let them tell you why their child is that way and then say thank you for sharing that. Next resay what you said and end the conversation. Try not to get caught up talking about the excusess Just a thought.
jas - good idea Mel
diane - Yes, but I guess the problem is I need it that night, not a week later when I what ever issue-for instance behavior in the class room which caused him /her to get kicked out. It seems rediclous to talk to a parent way after the fact
Emma - Sy - You need to kill her with kindness. She probably thinks that you can be bullied because you are a first year teacher. Be sure to keep the principal up to date on everything you are doing to help this child. Also keep the principal up to date with what the child is doing in class. Be sure that you document everything without using emotion. If the principal knows what is going on, he/she won't be as likely to "blame" you the next time the parent calls him.
Emma - Mel - good advice!
sy - I have been working with the assist. Principle. She called the mom this morning.
Emma - Sy - Hang in there. Remember that the parents have put their child in your hands. For parents with children who have problems, this is a hard thing to do. This child is their prized heart possession and it is hard to admit that the child you love so much could be so much trouble. Be sympathetic, but also ask for their cooperation.
mel - I need help not getting defensive. I am so worried that i am going to have a parent come in and attack me. I am so new and so worried about parents being upset with something i said or did.
Emma - Mel - The best advice is to take a breather. Listen and remember that the parent doesn't always know the whole story. You can be confident in knowing that you are doing your very best for their child. Use that knowledge to not get defensive.
Emma - To new teachers Parents seem like they have it all under control, but believe me, they feel the same way about you. Most parents just want to make sure that you are doing right by their child. After all, you don't have that child after this year, but they have to live with the consequences of this school year for the rest of their lives.
Tbear - It would sure help if we could develop an environment where we worked together for the students interest.
sy - I am at an inner city school, today one of our first graders was found wondering around the streets an hour and a half after school began because mom did not sign a permission slip for a field trip. I am struggling with how involved to become in the lives of the families in our school.
mel - I am sure that i will be able to build better relationships with parents if i start off the year with their kids instead of comming in half way through. I have been told that it is good to send home notes or call to tell parents the good things their kids are doing. Parents need to positive reinforcement about their child
Emma - It is always important to listen when a parent seems upset or overly concerned, but you also don't need to take abuse. If a conversation gets abusive, then you need to stop the conversation and schedule the conference for another day. You could say, "I'm sorry. I am here to try to help your child, but it sounds to me like you simply want someone to call names and say mean things. I am not here to get abused. Let's re-schedule the conference for another time when we are both more calm and can discuss this matter in a manner that will help your child."
Emma - I agree Tbear and I think that it can happen, but it puts the pressure on those of us who want to see that happen.
Emma - Sy - That depends on how involved you feel want to get. You might want to talk to the school counselor. This person is usually the most involved with students and their families.
Tbear - The goals of the parents and the goals of the teachers are similiar but not the same. To meet the demands of standards yet to act in the best interest of the student does not always go hand in hand.
Emma - Exactly Mel. You can start the middle of the year as if it were the beginning. The trick is to come in with the right attitude towards the parents. Let them know that you are willing to listen and that you want them to talk. It takes more than mere words to convince parents who have been hearing one thing, but seeing another.
Emma - Yes. That is the problem isn't it Tbear? How can we meet the standards and the individual needs of our students? I personally think that we do our best to make sure that our students leave with the knowledge of how to learn more. Once they learn how to learn on their own, they can begin to be successful in school and in life. All of life is a learning experience. We can either suffer from it or learn from it.
Emma - Aussie - what is a parent interview? What is the purpose & what generally takes place with one?
Tbear - So true Emma. With the expansion of knowledge and the development of skills needed for jobs that aren't even here yet, the best we can do is give them the ability to learn.
Aussie - Emma, A parent interview involves talking to the parents about their child and finding out what the parents expectations are for their child. A meeting time is set aside at the beginning of theschool year before or after class.
Emma - That sounds like an excellent idea. We generally do these "conferences" twice a year. However, our conferences are more for giving parents a progress update and finding out concerns that they have near the middle of the school year and then again towards the end of the year.
Tbear - Aussie does the teacher also explain their expectations at the time?
mel - The parent interview sounds like a good way to meet the parents.
mel - I want to be sure i get to know the parents so often teacher will go the hole year with very little contact with the parents.
Emma - I think some good questions to ask parents would be: what do you feel are your child's strengths & weaknesses? what motivates your child (computer, books, cars, etc)? What do you expect from your child as far as academics goes? behavior? What do you want to see happen this year for your child? Let's set 3 goals for your child this year (I would include the child on setting these goals).
Emma - Mel, I agree. It is very important to get to know the parents. In fact, if you were to schedule a meeting like this with your parents, even if you did it over the phone, it would be a great time to find out what the parent thinks about their child's abilities, motivations, etc.
Aussie - The teacher outlines all the school procedures, discipline policy and their own expectations and maybe a brief outline of the work that will be covered in the school year, provide details of how you teach eg; themematically.
Tbear - As a parent and teacher in the same small school district I found it difficult to truly be a parent without causing some riffs with fellow faculty members.
Emma - At the beginning of a meeting, I always like to start off with small talk and chat with the parent. You can find out so much more if you talk casually than you can when you are trying to "update" the parent on their child's progress. In fact, it would be neat to schedule an informal meeting with snacks or coffee.
Emma - I can see how that would happen. You expect certain things for your child and yet you aren't in control of making those things happen. As teachers we tend to be control freaks. LOL! I know I am! :)
Emma - It is almost time for the meeting to end. Before I go I want to let you all know about our web site, Beginning Teachers Tool Box at http://www.inspiringteachers.com We have a mentor service and message boards to help you with your classroom needs. Also, we have a book coming out in March entitled, ABC's of Effective Parent Communication. If you'd like to find out more about it, you can e-mail me at info@inspiringteachers.com.
Emma - Also, our book, Survival Kit for New Teachers, has an entire chapter on Parent Communication which takes new teachers step-by-step on how to conduct parent phone calls, conferences, and meetings. I hope that this chat has helped you a little bit and if you ever have any questions or need any help, please feel free to use our Ask a Mentor! :) Good night everyone!
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