I love the juxtaposition of these two quotations:

"Hell is other people." - Jean-Paul Sartre

"Relationships are assignments." - Marianne Williamson

What I most appreciate about the difference between these two statements is their inherent placement of responsibility for one s happiness. From Sartre s perspective, the other people in our lives are the source of our pain, suffering, and misery. It s a vision of arrows being shot from others toward the speaker.

From Williamson s point of view, each of us needs to understand that there is something to be learned about ourselves from our relationships with others -- hence her deliberate choice of the word "assignment."

Given their disparate attitudes, which of the speakers do you envision as having a happier and more fulfilling life? Toward which direction do you want to steer your child?

It is with this in mind that we must take a look at the attitudes we present to our children about the variety of other people in their lives.

The 2000 census shows that our country is becoming increasingly diverse in its population. Many of us live and work in communities with an assortment of members of various religious, ethnic, and racial groups, though many do not. We owe it to our children to prepare them for a future in which they will interact with people whose beliefs, practices, and rituals emanate from faraway places.

Racism is still a force that we must confront. Just because we have come a long way since the abolition of slavery and segregation doesn t mean that we don t have a long way to go toward the time that there really is "liberty and justice for all" Americans.

Consider these steps suggested by Dr. Debra Van Ausdale, co-author of The First R: How Children Learn Race and Racism:

• Actively form friendships with adults who belong to other ethnic and racial groups.

• Do not place these friends in the position of being experts on racial and ethnic issues.

• Recognize and encourage your child s curiosities and abilities to explore the world with a sense of fairness.

• Accept that most youngsters have more social insight and understanding than adults want to admit.

• Point out instances of everyday racism and discuss them, even with a very young child.

• Take your child to multiracial events and multicultural activities in your community.

• Encourage your child to make friends with children of many racial and ethnic groups, then incorporate these fiends and their families into your family s activities.

• Be watchful for instances of people combating racism in the community, and bring positive examples of anti-racism to your child s attention.

• Encourage children to read books that offer stories they can identify with and that actively promote greater understanding of all people.

Helpful Books For Parents

Hate Hurts: How Children Learn and Unlearn Prejudice, by Caryl Stern-LaRosa and Hellen Hofheimer Bettman

I m Chocolate, You re Vanilla, by Barbara Mathias and Mary Ann French

Raising the Rainbow Generation: Teaching Your Children to be Successful in a Multicultural Society, by Darlene S. Hopson and Derek S. Hopson.

Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? And Other Conversations About Race," by Beverly Daniel Tatum

Books For Children

Children will benefit by seeing people of different cultures and races in their lives, per Dr. Van Ausdale s suggestions. An additional step that parents can take is to be sure that children see a wide variety of books in which people of different races and cultures are portrayed as working and playing in a peaceful co-existence. Here are some choices:

The Magic School Bus series, by Joanna Cole, illustrated by Bruce Degen, shows children learning and exploring in a multicultural classroom.

Jamaica and Brianna by Juanita Havill, illustrated by Anne Sibley O Brien

I Hate English! by Ellen Levine, illustrated by Steve Bjorkman

Mrs. Katz and Tush by Patricia Polacco

The Best Way to Play, by Bill Cosby, illustrated by Varnette P. Honeywood

Amazing Grace, Boundless Grace, and Starring Grace, by Mary Hoffman, illustrated by Caroline Binch

Under Our Skin: Kids Talk About Race, by Debbie Holsclaw Birdseye and Tom Birdseye, photos by Robert Crum

Jay Davidson has been teaching in San Francisco for 31 years; he teaches first grade. He is the author of Teach Your Children Well: A First Grade Teacher s Advice for Parents, which is available for $12.95 from Amazon.com. He can be reached through his website at www.jaydavidson.com.

Jay Davidson the Speaker...
(From Jay Davidson's website....)

Once a teacher, always a teacher! Jay doesn't have to have a classroom full of wiggly first-graders to get on his soap-box. Their parents will do just as well - and usually pay better attention.

Following are examples of his topics:

• Easy ways to boost literacy in your family The need for greater parent involvement in education
• Creating a family mission statement
• Kindergarten readiness
• First grade readiness
• Parent-school relations
• Developing a sense of responsibility in children
• Time management and organizing at home
• The organized classroom - presentation for elementary school teachers

Comments from participants at Jay's workshops

• "Very inspirational and thought-provoking."
• "What a magnificent teacher!"
• "Clear presentation; an enthusiastic, caring speaker. I bet he is a great teacher - the kind we hope stay in the profession."
• "Great insight, motivating."
• "Well put-together - prepared with lots of thought and delivered with lots of heart."

Jay has made presentations to:

• California Reading Association
• National Association of Professional Organizers -San Francisco Bay Area chapter
• California Agricultural Teachers Association
• Parenting groups in San Francisco Unified School District and San Mateo-Foster City School District

Jay Davidson is also the author of "Teach Your Children Well: A First Grade Teacher's Advice for Parents" (available at amazon.com)

Visit www.jaydavidson.com for more information about Jay Davidson.