Many children and adults with ADD have low self-esteem. In fact, many adults with ADD suffer from depression. As a person with ADD, I know from experience that it's hard to feel good about yourself when you feel like a failure in so many ways. Having ADD, especially undiagnosed ADD, can be incredibly frustrating. In this month's article, I'm going to share some ways to help children with ADD feel more successful in the classroom.

I'll begin this article by sharing the diagnostic criteria for ADD from the American Psychiatric Association. Adults and children with ADD often hear negative remarks from other people in their lives about their ADD behaviors. As you read the criteria used for diagnosis, you'll see some negative comments that I've heard over the years. The following information was taken from the CHADD website:

AD/HD primarily inattentive type: (AD/HD-I)

• Fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes.
  Why are you so careless?
  You just don't care, do you!
  Be more careful!

• Has difficulty sustaining attention.
  Earth to Bobby!
  Bobby, are you with us?
  Bobby's in another world!

• Does not appear to listen.
  Are you listening to me? You're not even listening to me!
  Don't you care about your education?
  I'm talking to you! Look at me!

• Struggles to follow through on instructions.
  I already gave the instructions.
  If you don't know, then you weren't listening.
  You were supposed to write the problems. Didn't you hear me?

• Has difficulty with organization.
  You are so messy!
  You've got stuff everywhere.
  Clean up your area now. It's disgusting!

• Avoids or dislikes tasks requiring sustained mental effort.
  Why are you so lazy?
  I can't believe how lazy Jill is.
  Jill would do better if she would just put forth more effort.

• Is easily distracted.
  Bobby? Are you with us?
  Is there something on the ceiling we should know about?
  Bobby! Give me that ruler. It's mine now!

• Is forgetful in daily activities.
  You forgot your homework again?
  You would forget your head if it wasn't attached.
  That kid has no common sense!

AD/HD primarily hyperactive/impulsive type: (AD/HD-HI)

• Fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in chair.
  Sit in that chair right! Stop moving around!

• Has difficulty remaining seated.
  Can't you stay in your seat for five minutes?

• Runs about or climbs excessively.
  That child is an accident waiting to happen.

• Difficulty engaging in activities quietly.
  Jill is always making noises and disturbing the other kids.

• Acts as if driven by a motor.
  Did you take your pill?

• Talks excessively.
  Bobby talks all day long. He's trying to get attention.

• Blurts out answers before questions have been completed.
  Jill, raise your hand like the other kids! Stop calling out!

• Difficulty waiting or taking turns.
  Can't you wait for your turn? You are so impatient.

• Interrupts or intrudes upon others.
  Bobby interrupts all the time. He wants to be the center of attention.

You probably are nodding your head because you've heard comments like these before. If you are a teacher or a parent, you've made remarks such as these at one point in your career. Some of them seem harmless enough, while others seem just plain mean. I shared these comments with you because many of them were directed at me when I was a child with undiagnosed ADD. I heard comments like these on a daily basis. I still hear comments like these coming from teachers and parents towards children with Attention Deficit Disorder.

Many therapists and counselors say the same thing: It's not what you say, it's how you say it. This rule applies to school, home, and even the workplace. Think about how you say things to other people and how they react. When you have bad news or a criticism to share, you think of a more positive way to phrase it. It's how you say it that makes the difference. For example, let's say that your boss calls you into her office because she is concerned about the fact that your report card grades seemed way too high last term. She could phrase it a couple of ways:

A) Jan, I called you in here because you simply aren't challenging your students. Their grades are way too high, and from now on, I want your grades turned in weekly with details about individual assignments. You'd better get started on your changes right now.

B) Jan, I called you in here because I was a little concerned about your report card grades for last term. They seem a little high to me. When would be a convenient time to discuss this?

I would certainly rather hear the second option. With adults, we have to be careful about how we express things. With children, we have to be even more careful. They store away every little comment they hear. When I wrote this article, I had no problem remembering the comments directed at me as a child. The adults in my life had no idea how much those comments affected me. I am writing this article to encourage teachers and parents to think carefully about the messages they are sending to children with whom they interact on a daily basis.

For me, concrete examples are always best, so I will give you some alternatives to the negative comments that I mentioned earlier in this article. The "A" options are negative comments like those described above. The "B" options are examples of things that I say to children with ADD to help them improve without making them feel bad about themselves.

A) Be more careful!

B) From now on, bring me your work before you turn it in. I'll look over it, and I'll let you know if you forgot any problems, the heading, or anything else. Will that work for you?
 

A) Bobby's in another world!

B) Bobby? Is there something I can do to help you focus on the lesson? Would you like to move to another spot? Maybe you'd like to sit by me (smile).
 

A) I'm talking to you! You're not even listening!

B) Jill, let's talk about this later. Maybe we can talk at lunch without the rest of the kids around or maybe you could come in early one day so we can talk. Does that sound good to you?
 

A) If you don't know, then you weren't listening.

B) Remember the rule, Bobby. Ask three before me. Did you already do that? One of your teammates will help you out.
 

A) You are so messy!

B) It looks like you are having a little bit of trouble finding your stuff. I'll tell you what. Kara is really organized. I bet she would be glad to help you organize your desk. Would you like to ask her for help?
 

A) To Jill's Parents: Jill would do better if she would just put forth more effort.

B) To Jill's Parents: Jill does really well when she is interested in something. Therefore, our goal is to encourage her to get more involved in the activities that interest her. She seems to be really interested in bugs, so my suggestion is to get check out several bug books from the public library. I'll set aside special time in class for her to share some bug information with her classmates. Do you think this would work for Jill? Let's talk with her about it.
 

A) Is there something on the ceiling we should know about?

B) What are you thinking about, Bobby? Sea World? Wow! You're going there this weekend? That's great. I'll tell you what. When you come in on Monday, you can tell us all about the trip during Share Time, but right now you've got to focus on math. Ok?
 

A) You would forget your head if it weren't attached.

B) It seems like you have trouble remembering your homework each night. I know what you mean. I forget stuff like that too! I have an idea. When I need to remember something important, I tell a friend so she can help me remember, and I always write it down. Let's ask Brandon if he can be your "homework buddy" for awhile. I bet he would do it. You can check with him to see if you have the right assignment written down each day. I'll help too by reminding you to put your stuff in your bag before you go home. What do you think?
 

A) Jill, raise your hand like the other kids! Stop calling out!

B) Jill, I know that you have a great answer, but I need to be fair. The other kids are raising their hands to answer instead of calling out, and I need you to do that too. I think you can do that. Do you think you can?
 

A) You've got to stop saying mean things. If you keep it up, you're going to the office!

B) Bobby, I know it's hard, but I need for you to work on thinking before you speak. In this class, "put-downs" are simply not allowed. I want this to be a place where kids feel happy, and I want you all to be friends. We don't want to have to worry about having our feelings hurt in our classroom. When you call people names, their feelings get hurt. I know that you have a kind heart (smile). Would you please try to think before you speak?

I talk to all of my children in the manner I have just described. Children don't need to have ADD to deserve to feel cared for and valued. I have found that children of all kinds are more receptive when the adults in their lives seem empathetic and helpful. In addition to being more receptive, they feel better about themselves.

Some Tips For Building The Self-Esteem Of Children With Add

• Focus on what they can do. Make sure to boost them up by noticing any talents they might have. Remember, every child is really good at something!

• Show them how to do things. Don't just explain things and expect them to "get" it.

• Help them get organized. Don't just tell them to clean out their desks. Sit down with them and show them how to put the papers into piles (home, school, garbage, and so forth). In school, my desk was always a disaster area, and I don't remember one teacher ever showing me how to clean it. It was always a source of frustration for me. I don't want any of my students to feel the way I did.

• Encourage peer interaction. By assigning buddies, you're helping your children with ADD, but you're also building up the child who's being asked for help. It helps that child feel needed, and it boosts their self-esteem as well. Children feel wonderful when the teacher considers them an "expert" at something-even if it is just organizing a desk.

• Remember that poor handwriting often goes along with ADD. Encourage your students to improve, but don't require them to do a lot of extra practice. Extra handwriting practice often results in children who hate the act of writing, and that's the last thing we want. I am 25 years old, and my handwriting is still terrible. I remember teachers telling me to practice and practice. I did, and my handwriting was still almost illegible. To this day, I type everything-even my grocery list.

• Remember that kids hear everything you say. Also remember that kids pay special attention the tone of your voice. If you're not sincere, they'll know it. Don't forget that your facial expressions say a lot as well!

• Make sure to include children at conferences. Ask them how you and their parents can help them do better in school. You'd be surprised at how articulate children can be when they are given the opportunity to express their needs and feelings.

• Give children opportunities to move around. Children need to be able to channel that energy, or they are going to end up in trouble. Ask yourself about your classroom and your methods. Are children expected to sit in their seats all day long? If so, you might want to consider the reasons why you want them in their seats all day. Is that really best for your students?

• Just like all children, students with ADD need you to notice them when they are doing something right. Remember they need frequent feedback. For example, if you see them totally on task during a lesson, talk to them later and tell them how great that was! Remember to focus on the positive. You'll be glad you did.

• Think about how you say things. If you are feeling frustrated, tell your student that you'd like to talk about it later. I know that children with ADD can be very frustrating. Children with ADHD can be a handful! They are constantly moving and fidgeting. They often blurt out answers. Some call other children names. Many stare off into space during even the most engaging lessons. Some come up to you and ask what the homework is after you've said four times. (It's also written on the board!) Those are moments when you just have to think before you speak. I think before I speak, and I expect my students to do the same. That's a great rule for students and teachers.

I know what it's like to feel bad about myself. I also know what it's like to feel successful. I'll never forget the day I went to vacuum out my car and drove away with my teaching bag on the roof. Here I was with a college degree, and once again, I had lost an entire bag of belongings. I was so upset, but I was very thankful for the fact that my gradebook wasn't in the bag. I've lost forms at school, I've forgotten conferences that I scheduled, and I've forgotten about school assemblies. These are the things that frustrate me the most. Why am I so forgetful? Why can't I remember the simplest things? Why can't stay focused when I want to? Why can't I sit still? I just have to remind myself that I have many qualities that make me special. I am a bright and capable individual who just happens to have Attention Deficit Disorder. I'm very fortunate to have a great support system at home and at school. With a little help and a lot of love, the children with ADD in your classroom can also experience success both academically and socially.