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| Teachers.Net Gazette Vol.5 No.6 |
June 2008 |
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Cover Story by Alfie Kohn
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Post: My Experience with toddlers
Posted by David on 8/29/08
I can only comment based on my experience with toddlers as
the administrator/caregiver of a large daycare program for
many years, a personal nanny myself, and then as a father of
a toddler. It is through the lens of these experiences that
I view Mr. Kohn's article. I too cringe at the "Super" nanny programs. I have searched
for the children's voice in these programs, and find I can
hardly hear them above the din of the Nanny's "reasoning."
There is no question that at times a child's reason for
wanting something is hard to understand, and often might
lead them to an end that is not desirable for us as parents
(or in the case of safety, they themselves.) However, people
scream and yell when they do not feel like they are being
heard or listened to. If you treat your child (little
person) like they are a thing that must follow your orders,
schedules, and timetables...then they experience their first
years without a voice of their own at all. I would imagine
that in this situation you would end up screaming and
throwing things as well. I offer up an example. When our family goes anywhere in the
car, our son wants to drive. He is not yet quite two years
old and as a result we have not been able to get him a
driver's license. Given his size and the law, he must sit in
a car seat in back all strapped in. This makes perfect
sense to me and my wife, but it is not always so with our
son. According to the "Super" nanny we should force him to
get in the seat right way despite what he wants. (I have
seen an episode addressing this issue). Instead, we listen
to our son, and instead of forcing our reason on him, we
arrived at a compromise. You can drive a bit, and even put
the keys in the ignition, but after two minutes, we need you
to be in your seat so that we can go where we need to go.
So we patiently schedule an extra two minutes to our
excursions, so that our son can pretend to drive a bit.
When we say okay buddy, time to get in your seat, he almost
always heads back himself. As we drive away I see a little
boy who felt listened to, and like his best friends (Mommy
and Daddy) took his needs and desires into account as well
as their own. Time and time again I have used this approach to deal with
upset children, listen to them and give in a little bit, and
it has worked many more wonders than I have ever seen a
"Super" Nanny achieve. I agree with the last post (Tricia) our children are not
dogs. They are little people with ears and hearts. Thank you for reading.
Posts on this thread, including this one
Toddlers don't respond well to reason, 6/02/08, by Donna music/TN.
Re: Toddlers don't respond well to reason, 6/08/08, by Retired educator.
Re: Toddlers don't respond well to reason, 6/10/08, by Elyse.
Is Mr. Kohn serious or is this a sarcastic joke?, 7/01/08, by shana.
Alfie Kohn, 7/31/08, by Jala.
Defensive, 8/28/08, by Tricia.
My Experience with toddlers, 8/29/08, by David.
Couldn't agree w/ Mr. Kohn more if I tried!, 9/04/08, by Teresa.
It would be great if reasoning alone was enough, but..., 10/21/09, by Mila.
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