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Kindergarten Produces a Rich Crop of Funnies!
By Teachers.Net News Desk
Readers were asked: So what’s the funniest thing a kid ever said to you?
Responses:
Precious was sitting crisscross applesauce staring at me
So, guess who has looked at her nose everyday for 10 yrs now checking her nose hair each time I get ready to go somewhere?
*
This happened in my co-worker’s class a few years on 6/20/09. She was asking them to work on alphabet activities, when
a little boy shouted to her, “Teacher! Where’s the minnow?” She
was extremely puzzled, as she saw no relevance to what was
going on in the classroom at the time, so she walked over to
ask what he was looking for again. When she asked him what he
was looking for, he replied in frustration…”You know! When we say
L-a-minnow-P!” She had to come to her door and call me to my
door to tell me what had just happened, and to regain her
composure! We were nearly rolling on the floor!
*
My funny moment (all year long) was the year one of my little
boys couldn’t say my last name, and would call me Mrs.
“Hustler” all year! My friends thought that was a riot!
Seems the end of the Starfall book (I think) has a section for
word families ending in -it. (I’m sure your mind is racing
ahead like mine did, once the class was on a roll to add to the
list…!)
No sooner than it did, a very quiet little girl raised her hand
and added the sh- to it, but luckily no one heard her. Of course
I did not place the word inside the house and I am quite sure
she didn’t know what it meant. Later I felt obligated to tell
her why I didn’t add it and that it was just a word we didn’t
use at school. Hope it disappeared quickly from her memory
bank!!
*
We were making craft birds out of construction paper. The design
While making the birds, I heard Joey holler, “Miss Jones! Miss Jones! I can’t get my pecker to stand up!”
*
My favorite was before I was married with a child, and I had pictures of my cats on my desk. One little boy came up to me and said, “Miss Amy, you have nice titties.” It took me several seconds to realize he was talking about my kitties!!!
*
I had a shirt that just appeared in my room one day. Someone suggested
a child the shirt might belong to. I held the shirt up and said to
the child “Is this your shirt?” he looked at me quizzically, touched
the shirt he had on and said, “No, this is my shirt.” I forget how
they can be SO literal.
*
I was on the floor, working in literacy centers with a female
and male student. We were using magnetic letters to recreate
sight words from the above board. The phone rang, so I got up
to go answer it. As soon as I hung up, the female student
shouted in a VERY loud voice…”Mrs. Adam, XXX and I are
making love.” Love was one of the week’s sight words.
*
We were reviewing numbers…aking a list of a few things in
the classroom that only had ONE. One easel, one calendar, one
teacher, one clock…etc.
We continued, now making a list of things that came in TWO. Two
windows, two bulletin boards, two feet, two ears….etc. One
boy raised his hand and waited for me to call
on him. “Teacher, I have two nuts between my legs.”
I guess it turned into an anatomy lesson. What standard did I
hit there?
*
Me: J please turn around and look at me.
J (very indignantly: I was JUST licking the wall!
(I guess I should have waited until he was done to start the lesson?)
Once I put a girl in time out for screaming in my face, and she
yelled out “I thought you were my best friend, not my worst enemy!”
One student said very matter-of-fact, “I don’t know why I can’t
ever get this f***ing glue to work.” It was more shocking than
funny, I guess.
*
Our school wasn’t air conditioned and it was hot at the end of the
year. One little boy had his hands inside his shorts legs. When
he noticed that I was looking at him he said “they get stuck to my
leg when it’s hot”.
*
I have a few and they are all insultingly hysterical.
“Why is your skin like this”? Referring to my loose upper arms. I said, “Honey, I’m old.” Response: “When are you going to get new?”
My mildly autistic student raised his hand during a quiet moment on the rug and announced loudly, “Teacher, you threw a fart.”
*
One little girl in my class loved to draw and was quite artistic. She
asked me one day at playtime if she could draw a picture of me, and asked
me if I would sit down and pose for the picture. As she drew, I noticed
that she copied every single line on my face that she could find, and all
of this with a fine tipped black marker. When she was almost finished,
another child walked by and said, “Whose Grandma are you drawing?”
*
During field day once one of my ELL girls was not interested in the games at
all and started talking to me. I was only half-listening, but then she
started saying about how badly she had wanted a little sister. She then
told me she asked Bob for a sister and he gave her one. She then looked at
me and asked “Do you know who Bob is?” I said that I didn’t. She pointed
up to the sky and said he lives up there. I said are you talking about God
or Jesus? She shrugged her shoulders and said, “Oh yeah, I keep forgetting
his name!”
*
[It was] my first year teaching (ah – 1981!)
and we were doing a lesson on taking care of our bodies. We were
singing “This is the way we wash our hands…wash our…” and I would
take suggestions from the children so we could act it out while we
were singing. Well, after a few, a sweet little girl raised her hand
and said, “vagina.” I quickly said, “We all don’t have one. How about
elbows?”
*
One day a child asked me when Jim was coming. I asked him who Jim
was…but he just kept saying “you know!…that guy!” I kept telling the
child I didn’t know who Jim was or why he was coming. Finally it came to
me. It was “Gym” day and the child thought that was the name of the Gym
teacher. I guess we do always say “You have Gym, today” “Let’s get
ready for Gym”.
I also loved when my friends little boy saw my husband Bill and I walking
down the street. He yelled down to us “Hey Bill! We got your mail!” I
looked at my friend asked if our mail was delivered at her house. She
said no…but then burst out laughing. Earlier that day her husband
asked if there was any mail and she had replied “No, it’s just bills”.
*
This happened to my sister’s friend many years ago. The mother of one of her
students was in the hospital in labor. The class was discussing that by
tomorrow the student would be a big sister and all the great things that
meant. One little boy was waving his hand wildly and the teacher finally
called on him. He said, “MY mom isn’t going to have any more babies…she
had her tubes tied!
*
We had just finished a unit on the ocean and I was checking
the kids for what they’d learned. One little boy told me
that a octopus could change color (we’d talked about this).
I said, “OK…how do they do it?” He said, “Well, they go
over and lay their testicle on a rock and they will change
color.” When I regained my composure, I had him repeat
it…and he did. I said “Do you mean tentacle?” He
said, “Oh yah…that’s it!”
Another..I was having the kids say the pledge for me. Ashlee
zipped right through it saying, “I pledge allegiance to the
flag of the United States of America. And to the Republic on
wooden stands. On nation, under God, with liberty and dishes
for all.”
*
I was reading the story David Goes to School by David
Shannon. When I came to the page where David has his legs
crossed, and is going wild like kids do when they are trying
to get your attention because they have to use the bathroom,
I asked the kids why the teacher said, “Not again David!”
One little girl shouts out “I bet he has a bladder infection!”
*
I once had a boy in my class ask me if I took those “birth
(control) pills.” I was about 8 months pregnant at the time.
I told him I can’t take any medicine while I am pregnant.
*
At the beginning of the school year when the kiddos were sitting on the carpet
with me, I told them that there were some rules to follow whenever we came to
the carpet. I began holding up pictures of someone sitting straight and tall
and I said, “this picture shows that you must always be sitting straight and
tall and not slouching when I’m reading”. I continued showing pictures of eyes
looking, hands in your lap and not on anyone else. When I came up to the
picture of a person’s mouth with an X over it, a little girl shouted, “I know
what that one means”. She said, “ABSOLUTELY NO KISSING IN THE CLASSROOM! Of course, all the other students agreed with her!! (It was suppose to represent no talking while someone else is speaking!!!)
*
We were working on rhyming words, and the children were
calling out words that rhymed with a word that I said. I
threw out the word “duck,” and one of my students proudly
burst out with the word “fu–!” You could have heard a pin
drop as everyone sat in stunned silence as everyone,
including the two mommy volunteers in the room watched me
to see what I would do. I struggled to stifle a laugh, and
then said, “Okay, that’s a bad word so we won’t use that
one.” He was such a sweet kid, I felt bad for him! His
poor mother was absolutely mortified, too. It turned out
that they had been practicing rhyming at home by taking off
the first letter of a word and putting on the next
consonant letter of the alphabet.
*
I used to teach Pre-K on a University campus. We did not
have a cafeteria so the students brought their lunches and
ate in the classroom. One day during lunch, one table was
discussing where milk comes from. Most of the children were
saying that milk comes from cows. One little girl spoke up
and said, “Uh uh, milk comes from boobs!” I really had to
try not to laugh out loud! Her mother had just had a baby,
so I guess that’s what she was familiar with
*
Me: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Student: “A dentist, because they help people.”
Me: “How do they help people?”
Student: “They give you fake teeth like my mom has.”
*
I have two: the first was in my classroom…everyone was working
so nicely on task when a girl said (rather loudly) “I’m tired of
this! Raise your hands if ya’ll want to go home!” I didn’t think
that was funny then, but it is now and my family uses that line
whenever we’re in a situation where we want to leave!
Also, my own son (4th grade) was complaining b/c a teacher aid he
loved was moved to another classroom to cover for a teacher on
maternity leave…well, he wasn’t happy with the new replacement
at all and really missed the other aide. He was fussing about it
at home one day and said “Mom, why couldn’t Mrs. X have taken
those baby pills like you take!?!” I reminded him that she wasn’t
having the baby to mess up his school day…she wanted the baby!
Oh, one more….this year we were coloring a project and one of my
students said “Mrs. X, did you have crayons back in the day?” I’m
only 42!
*
One of my first years of teaching, a sweet little boy asked me if
I had a husband. I said no, I’m not married. He said that if
his mom and dad get divorced, I can have his daddy! I really
longed to share that with his parents, but didn’t dare.
*
This happened many years ago when I student taught in a first grade
classroom…I had a small group of students gathered at a table. We
were working on identifying things in the room that began with the
sound for Hh. One student, an African-American girl, took her time
as she looked around the room, making the Hh sound as she tried to
find something that began with H. After about 30 seconds, she
stopped looking around, stared right at me and said “huh, huh,
honkey.”
*
I have a couple from my own kids. One of my favorites was right after
Sept 11. My two girls were sitting at the table talking about what had
happened while I was in the kitchen preparing dinner. They decided it
was really sad and they should say a prayer for all the people who had
died. They said a sweet prayer for all the people who had been hurt and
then my oldest says “Hey mom how do you end a paragraph to God? Is it
Amen or Godmen?” I love the expression “a paragraph to God.”
One of my other favorites was when we drove through Bellingham
Washington on a road trip one year. My youngest said “So this is where
the wise guys gave the gifts!” Me being a little slow on the uptake said
“huh?” She said, “You know mom, those 3 smart guys who brought gifts to
the baby Jesus.” I guess Bellingham sounds a lot like Bethlehem!
*
One of my little girls made a last-second dash to the bathroom
and got there too late. After a few minutes in the bathroom,
she came out, naked from the waist down. I whisked her back
inside and brought her clean clothes, then asked her why she
came out naked. She said, “I didn’t want anybody to see me with
wet pants on!”
*
I use to (back when we did letter of the week) go around the
circle changing the beginning sound of everyone’s name with the
sound of the letter of the week. The kids loved to hear what
their name sounded like if it started with a different letter.
Mr. B (Beautiful Buttons) visited one week, one year. That was
the last year that I did this beginning sound name change
activity! Anyway, we were going around the circle as the
students figured out what each other’s name would sound like.
As the teacher, I was looking ahead at the next few students and
saw “Mitch” sitting there. Oh crap! I saw it coming and even
attempted to “accidentally” skip “Mitch.” But you know kids,
they corrected me and said, “You forgot Mitch.” After they
sounded his name out, one kid pulled my arm and said, “I know
NOW why you tried to skip Mitch!” 
I answered, “You do?
Well, you are so smart. My plan didn’t work, did it?” The kid
smiled and said, “Nope!”
*
The parent of one of my students was concerned about his child’s
grades and kept warning the boy that he might “fail” or be held
back for the year if he didn’t start doing his homework. When the
boy came to school, he told me about his parent’s warning, but
said he was not worried a bit. There was a new law that would not
let this happen to him: it was called “The No Child Left Behind Act:.
*
