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She Bullies: Dealing with Aggressive Girls

By Leah DaviescloseAuthor: Leah Davies Name: Leah Davies
Site: http://www.kellybear.com
About: Leah Davies received her Master's Degree from the Department of Counseling and Counseling Psychology, Auburn University. She has been dedicated to the well-being of children for 44 years as a certified teacher, counselor, prevention specialist, parent, and grandparent. Her professional experience includes teaching, counseling, consulting, instructing at Auburn University, and directing educational and prevention services at a mental health agency.See Authors Posts (29)

1. Increase awareness among school staff so that they understand what relational aggression is and discuss ways to combat it. Consequences for relentless covert aggression will vary depending on school discipline procedures, the action, and the age of the girls. Consequences could include a referral to a counseling group or losing privileges.
2. Observe children in the classroom, at lunch, in the hall, on the playground, and before and after school, noting students’ nonverbal reactions to peers. Ask yourself:
   • Who is alone on the playground?
   • Who is a group leader?
   • How do her followers act toward others?
3. Discuss relational aggression with your students to make sure they know that starting rumors, ridiculing others, and other forms of covert aggression are not acceptable.
4. Reinforce student social interaction skills through the use of role-playing exercises, literature, writing assignments, and other means. Emphasize considering the feelings of others, developing listening skills, and exhibiting other character traits that are critical to forming lasting friendships.
5. Help girls understand that conflicts are a natural occurrence in friendships and provide them with an opportunity to practice being supportive of one another. Encourage them to honestly resolve problems through open discussion and compromise. (See Finding Solutions Through Peer Mediation.)
6. Believe the victim. Relational aggressive girls are skillful at concealing their bullying. Hence, many educators are blinded by the appearance of a model student who they feel would never engage in covert aggression.
7. Understand that having at least one friend buffers a child from relationship aggression, so facilitating friendships between girls will help them cope with a relational aggressive child. Encourage girls to choose friends who are considerate and trustworthy, not exclusive or mean.
8. Model respect and caring. Assist each girl in developing the belief that she is a capable person who has many strengths and who can stand up for herself by reinforcing these attitudes at every opportunity.
9. Find assistance for the victim and perpetrator. Contact a parent and/or work with staff to foster their social and emotional development. (See Guidelines for Educator-Parent Conferences Concerning Angry Children.)

For information on how your school can take a stand against all forms of bullying, see Educator’s Guide to Bullying.

Crick, Nicki R., & Grotpeter, Jennifer K. (1995). Relational Aggression, Gender, And Social-psychological Adjustment. Child Development, 66 (3), 710-722.
Crick, Nicki R. (1996). The Role Of Overt Aggression, Relational Aggression, And Prosocial Behavior In The Prediction Of Children’s Future Social Adjustment. Child Development, 67 (5), 2317-2327.

Used by permission of the author, Leah Davies, and selected from the Kelly Bear website [www.kellybear.com]. 11/03