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Too Tense to Meditate!
By Teachers.Net Community
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Musings by “florida teacher”
All things considered, I have an amazingly wonderful life. Yet, throughout all of it, I have never been able to relax. Revving very high comes in handy. I accomplish a great deal more than most people on any given day. The end result isthat I look fabulous on a resume, but irritate the daylights out of lots of people, who often ask, “Is she always like this?” Because I try to be friendly and helpful, others tolerate it as a quirk, but it’s rough on my side too. I always feel like the rest of the world is moving in slow motion and get very impatient. They have no sense of urgency, and neither they nor I know why I’m in such a rush.
I’ve tried medicines, but the last thing a control freak responds to is being out of control, and the drugs all made me too loopy to think at all–let alone drive, teach, parent…
I finally thought I found a solution when a friend mentioned relaxation tapes. Eager to try (as always, hence the problem), I did a net search and found many sites right away!
With no distractions, I play the little sound wave or whatever they call it, and a soothing, attractive female voice accompanied by colors fading in and out in streaks gently commands me to close my eyes. Alrighty now, this is what we’re talking about. YES. Go ahead, sweet thing, relax me. She tells me to breathe in intentionally through my nose and exhale through my mouth.
That’s when I realize that I really am out of shape, being too short of breath. I should exercise right and eat better. I should stop this recording right this minute and get outside and do some yard work. That way, I’m exercising and solving a household problem at the same time. maybe eat some fruit afterwards. Once the shrubberies are cut back, I can fix that fence already and…
NO! Focus. RELAX! It’s a two minute recording for pity sake. And we’re breathing… Of course, there could be something wrong. Maybe really wrong. I shouldn’t have skipped my annual set of check-ups this summer, but my doctor always makes swimmer’s ear seem like pancreatic cancer, sitting me down solemnly with teary eyes to say nothing is wrong. Drama queen. I should put her in my next play as a character. She could be the…
FOCUS! Right. And I’m breathing. How much longer is this thing? How long can they expect me to sit here doing nothing? An inner voice that always sounds like my best friend I’ve known since high school leaps from my unconscious to smack me and tell me to listen to the pretty lady. Right, lady with the nice voice. Focus.
The lady tells me to picture a wonderful place where I would be relaxed, and to envision myself in the scene, adding details to make the image come alive.
Pause recording. I’m clearly unprepared. I can’t think of a happy place.
The beach, you fool! Of course, everyone loves the beach! Resume recording. I add details, and remember in doing so that the beach is one of those things that’s always better on tv than in reality, where the irritation of the ubiquitous sand and the burn of the sun result in spending less time there than packing to go and then back up when I do forget and a couple of years have passed since the last time I swore I’d never go to the beach. Scratch the beach.
Then I think, I really do love my home. Except that just conjured up the myriad woes befalling it and then the money troubles preventing my having them tended to as I should.
Enough already, just pick a mansion and resume the recording. So, I’m in my mansion, but now I feel guilty. I’m not comfortable with ostentation, and don’t want servants knowing all my business and being in my things.
Think. THINK!
My classroom! I’m always happy to be there, so I’ll picture my little sweetie children learning. Bad move. I feel like a lousy teacher this year, as so much is no longer in my control. All I see in my vision are children sleeping at their desks, the mandatory testing still going on according to the clock, but they may not move or speak for another half hour, as was my reality this morning and will be for two more.
I give up on the tape and figure I’ll write here instead.
Sorry about that, but I think this time it’s clear that it’s all pretty voice lady’s fault.
