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Re: Question...regarding my 3 yr old
Posted by Kristi on 10/11/08

A few things come to my ming when reading these posts. One is a
question-does this teacher really have the support of the director and
assistant director? I ask this because it seems that some of this
behavior could have been going on for some time (and she should have
let you know) and then there is a really bad day and she became very
frustrated and possibly had no help or support from the center
director/assistant director and choose to fill out the behavior form
as a last resort.

Second is the possibility that the director is guiding this teacher's
choices in this matter and wanted her to sweep the behavior under the
table for any number of reasons---money, emrollment numbers, not
wanting to involve the parent, not wanting the reports to show up in
the child's file when they are inspected or evaluated by whatever
quality intiative program they may be in. Then you called and the
teacher could have been told to fill out the form "to make you
happy." Not that it did but sort of as a give her a report and maybe
she will not ask questions kind of thing.

I am saying this is no way to offend you. I myself am both a
kindergarten teacher and the assistant director of a child development
center. I know how things can go on the inside from both a teacher's
perspective and a management perspective. I can tell you for sure
that in my time teaching, I have been told similar things by the
director and also have experienced completely no support from the
director when I have had children with behavior issues. I would never
not tell a parent even when I was told not to because that goes
against my core beliefs but this teacher could be young and
inexperienced or in need of keeping her job, etc. I know all too
often the director feels it is their place in the office only and does
not want to lend a hand to a struggling teacher.....it shouldn't be
that way but that is the reality of a lot of centers. NOT ALL centers-
--just to clearify that.
That was one of the reasons I took the assistant director position at
my center - so that I could help the employess and change some of the
way these issues are handled.

Just my thoughts.

On 10/10/08, 3rd Grade teacher wrote:
> On 10/10/08, Schari wrote:
>> Oh, another BTW, biting and spitting are 2 issues I definitely
>> speak with parents about, right away. Biting is dangerous and
>> spitting is unsanitary. Both are severe enough that I would
>> take immediate steps to correct them, and that would include
>> informing the parent.
>>
>>
>> On 10/10/08, Schari wrote:
>>> Leah has a good point about it not being a good fit and
>>> finding a new place.
>>>
>>> Either they haven't been forthright with you about
>>> troublesome behaviors he's been having, or he is suddenly
>>> having some problems.
>>>
>>> Either way, it's troublesome.
>>>
>>> If the staff hasn't taken the time, or didn't have the
>>> courtesy (or courage) to talk to you about problems, then
>>> they aren't good at communicating with you, and you would
>>> have to decide if you want to have adults in your child's
>>> life that don't communicate well with you.
>>>
>>> If he is suddenly having problems, it could be they were
>>> waiting and monitoring for a while before they broached the
>>> subject with you. But for them to suddenly put a behavior
>>> report in his bag, only after you called, sounds like they
>>> are trying to cover their backside. Which would show a
>>> problem of being trustworthy.
>>>
>>> Had they not given you the report, you could have met with
>>> them, found out if there are problems or changes in the
>>> classroom, and you could have looked for a solution together.
>>>
>>> Try to remember any comments you have gotten from teachers,
>>> good or bad, and document it on paper along with the
>>> approximate date. Take it to your meeting and let them know
>>> your unhappiness over seeing a report like that when what
>>> teachers have said to you is (documentation.)
>>>
>>> If you are just recently seeing the behavior, after a year,
>>> and that's the only behavior you are seeing, there could be
>>> an explanation for it. There could be a new child that is
>>> perhaps abused and is treating the dollies like that in the
>>> home center.
>>>
>>> If he has seemed happy there, if he has bonded and cennected
>>> with a teacher, if it has seemed a good and safe environment
>>> to you, you might go ahead and have the meeting. Sometimes
>>> working through a problem is better than moving a child who
>>> has established a good connection with an adult care giver.
>>>
>>> BTW, I appreciate parents like you that want to work with the
>>> staff on issues and that reinforce acceptable behavior to
>>> their children.
>>>
>>> Let us know how it goes.
>
>
> First of all, thank you so much for the quick response! This has
> really bothered me!
>
> I called the center today to speak with the director and she was
> already gone for the day. So I speak with the assitant and voice
> my concerns: 1) we've only been told of two issues (kissing his
> friends and not cleaning up after himself) and now all of a sudden
> have 10 to content with - only one of which we've been told of and
> 2) the delay in getting the "Behavior Form" to us. Two days to
> wait is too long to discuss w/ a 3 year old. When we were talking
> to him about it he was thinking of things that happened that day.
> Anyway, I asked if she would go in and watch him to see how he
> behaved and let me know. (She called later to say he was fine
> except once when he threw a toy up against the wall. Which we
> don't accept so we did talk to him about that).
>
> As I pick him up this afternoon his teacher is leaving. I start
> talking to her about the form and she goes on and on about how it
> was a bad day and that is why everything was checked. Well, if he
> were THAT bad, I would expect a phone call so we can address the
> behavior right then. And as an educator myself, I look for
> patterns in behavior and try to address it myself before I engage
> the parents; I don't send notes home letting them know of every
> little thing they did wrong. But, when I asked about the mark
> beside, "Teeth are not for eating people. Teeth are for eating
> food." she told me that he had been going up to his friends
> blowing raspberries on their arms and cheeks. Is that now
> considered "eating" people?
>
> She wants to put him on a "behavior plan" to monitor his
> behavior. This sounds so negative...Am I over reacting to this?


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Posts on this thread, including this one


• Question...regarding my 3 yr old, 10/09/08, by 3rd Grade teacher.
• Re: Question...regarding my 3 yr old, 10/10/08, by Leah .
• Re: Question...regarding my 3 yr old, 10/10/08, by Schari.
• Re: Question...regarding my 3 yr old, 10/10/08, by Schari.
• Re: Question...regarding my 3 yr old, 10/10/08, by 3rd Grade teacher.
• Re: Question...regarding my 3 yr old, 10/11/08, by Kristi.
• Re: Question...regarding my 3 yr old, 10/12/08, by Schari.
• Re: Question...regarding my 3 yr old, 10/12/08, by Kristi.
• Re: Question...regarding my 3 yr old - Update, 10/14/08, by 3rd Grade teacher.
• Re: Question...regarding my 3 yr old - Update, 10/15/08, by Leah .
• Re: Question...regarding my 3 yr old - Update, 10/16/08, by Schari.
• Re: Question...regarding my 3 yr old - Update, 10/16/08, by Kristi.
• Re: Question...regarding my 3 yr old - Update, 10/16/08, by 3rd Grade teacher.
• Re: Question...regarding my 3 yr old - Update , 10/17/08, by Leah .
• Re: Question...regarding my 3 yr old - Update, 10/17/08, by Schari.
• Re: Question...regarding my 3 yr old - Update, 10/17/08, by Stellaluna.
• Re: Question...regarding my 3 yr old - Update, 10/21/08, by trs.
• Re: Question...regarding my 3 yr old - Update, 10/24/08, by mimbrewer.
• Re: I'm livid!!!, 10/24/08, by 3rd Grade teacher.
• Re: I'm livid!!!, 10/24/08, by grandma.
• Re: I'm livid!!!, 10/26/08, by Schari.
• Re: I'm livid!!!, 10/27/08, by 3rd Grade teacher.
• Re: I'm livid!!!, 10/28/08, by Leah .
• Re: I'm livid!!!, 10/28/08, by Schari.
• Re: I'm livid!!!, 10/28/08, by 3rd Grade teacher.
• Re: I'm livid!!!, 10/29/08, by Schari.
• Re: Question...regarding my 3 yr old, 11/20/08, by cathy--this is not DAP.
• Re: Question...regarding my 3 yr old, 11/24/08, by Caroline.