Hey CC,
Here is my Support System (and overall philosophy) which
works GREAT for me and many others. It's similar to the Love
& Logic approach, but has more definitive structure.
All my best,
Tom
HUMANISTIC DISCIPLINE
To be fully confident and involved, students need a safe
environment. From my perspective, this can only happen when
each student feels valued and respected as a fellow human
being. In unsafe groups, we humans tend to hold back or act
out – the joyful classroom environment withering as we do
so. Therefore, how we communicate with students – and how we
guide them to communicate with each other – is pivotal.
Loving kindness is what it’s all about. If we treat the
students supportively, they will respect us. And when we set
uncompromising expectations of Support for all, the students
will meet them. If we accept less, we will get less.
HOW WE COMMUNICATE: CONSCIOUS AWARENESS
When we are aware of our thoughts and feelings as they occur
we can…
Act from a place of sensitivity and support rather than
REACTING out of anger or frustration.
The more Supportive we are, the more Supportive they’ll be.
The less supportive we are (controlling, shaming, punitive,
inconsistent, distant, authoritarian…), the less supportive
they’ll be (and the less they'll enjoy the classroom
experience).
HOW STUDENTS COMMUNICATE: THEY CAN BE SUPPORTIVE ... WITH
YOUR HELP
When we are consciously aware of the students’ words and
behavior, we can pounce on every instance of unsupportive
communication (vital in the first few days).
Be consistent, uncompromising, but kind: Mean what you Say,
but don’t Say it Meanly.
Be loving but FIRM; don’t back down. Being “nice” by giving
second chances or 'taking back' the consequence will
guarantee chaos!
One example of a “disciplinary” progression that maintains
Safety AND Order:
1. “Support, please!” (Look anywhere BUT at the person/s
involved)
2. If this doesn't work, at the FIRST instance of continued
unsupportive behavior, “Tom, could you support us more right
now? Thanks.” (with a smile)
3. Again, at the FIRST instance of continued lack of
support, “Tom, please move [to empty seat, or switch seats
with someone]. Thanks.”
4. And finally, at the very next instance of unsupportive
behavior, “Tom, please sit outside/next to my desk… until
you’re ready to support us. Thanks.”
(5.) Some teachers of very young or extremely difficult kids
might benefit from the 5th step of sending the student to
another teacher/staff until the student is ready to come
back and be supportive. "And I hope it's soon." Just as with
the other steps, this one is entirely non-punitive. (Of
course, you have to arrange this option with that other
adult beforehand. While I never had to use this step in
about 20 years of working with primarily middle and high
schoolers, I did find it helpful with a particularly
negative attention seeking 7 year old recently. After
reaching the 5th step twice, this young girl completely
changed her behavior.)
If you're going to try this, before doing so talk about the
notion of Support, giving one or two examples of
unsupportive behavior. (I use the example of one person
subtly looking at their neighbor and rolling their eyes when
another student asks or answers a question.) Talk about the
fact that even something that small will instantly bring
Danger into the room.... After this mini-lecture, I break
them into small groups and have them brainstorm examples of
supportive and unsupportive behaviors, then share them with
the class.
I also do several exercises/games designed to 'push their
edges' and give them a chance to learn how to be
trustworthy -- as well as fully committed and expressive.
Just a few more things to think about:
1. Punishment is not effective in creating an atmosphere of
mutual respect. (You'll be surprised how effective LACK of
punishing is.)
2. Build rapport whenever possible. This can be done with a
look or a smile, a word or a phrase which shows that
you "see" your students as individual and precious human
beings, or by going to extra-curricular events. John
Maxwell's quote says it all: "People don't care how much you
know until they know how much you care."
3. Treat the students the way you like to be treated. Teach
the way you like to be taught. Deal with them the way you
would like to be dealt with in a faculty meeting.
********************************************************
Several people asked what I would do with kids who might
swear at me, defy me, or continue to be a problem. Here
are some thoughts, followed by an old post from the
Discipline board.
*After a couple of days, kids rarely get to stage four or
defy you. Because...
*The reasons kids misbehave or act out towards the teacher
usually stem from one or more of the following: 1) Anger
at being disrespected or shamed, 2) Fear in the midst of a
confrontation 3) Self-loathing projected outward as a
defense mechanism, 4) Putting up walls because their
afraid of abandonment ... so it's better to be a "Pre-
emptive Porcupine," or 5) Defending against peer ridicule
by not letting the teacher 'rule' or disrespect them.
So, by using loving kindness and the tenets of mutual
respect, you essentially defuse or begin to heal each of
these causes of student disrespect. The student
realizes that you are not there to shame them or
intimidate them. By your constantly supportive actions and
words, you help them find their power and self-acceptance.
And since you don't engage in power struggles, you take
the air completely out of their 'act-tough-in-front-of-
their-peers' sails.
Notice that you are giving him ways to take responsibility
and learn about himself without shaming or punishing him.
He will trust you more, and chances are HUGE that his
behavior and attitudes will shift. And not only towards
you, but toward himself, his peers, and education itself.
*If a student cussed at me (which again hardly ever
happens in an HD classroom, but if it did...) I would
first of all recognize that "it's not about me." The
student is reacting to some pain inside them and then
acting it out instead of taking responsibility or being
aware of what's going on for them.
So, depending on the intensity of the student's outburst,
I might acknowledge it ("Sorry you feel that way, man. If
you want to talk about it later, find me at lunch"
or "You're ticked off right now. I hear you. I get it."),
joke about it ("Wow, that's the last time I wear
paisley!"), or apologize ("Tom, I'm sorry if anything I
did contributed to what you're feeling right now.") Or, I
might simply ignore it.
Now, as I've said in other posts, if a kid resists and
escalates, falling into a power struggle with me that
threatens to overwhelm them emotionally so that they lose
all self-control, I will gracefully side step. "Tom, I can
see that something's going on with you today. Could
we talk before next class period? [Whatever.] I'll take that
as a yes. Thanks." By "backing out" of the 4 step
progression, I send an important message: The individual is
more important than any absolute rule or concept -- even one
as important as "consistency." (In fact, mutual respect IS
the consistent overarching principle.)
And what I do next will help the kids see the big picture as
I do, and see that they will be held responsible. If Tom
doesn't see me before the next class period (when we would
discuss what's going on for him, and ways for him to deal
with it without it overwhelming him), I would be waiting for
him at the door before the next class. "Tom, I'm sorry we
weren't able to talk before now. Here's the work for the
period. I've arranged with the librarian for you to complete
it there. Could you please see me before the next class? You
know my hours...."
IF the student is to the point of completely losing self-
control, or actually becoming violent, I would take more
assertive steps to remove the student from the room, for
their benefit as well as that of the class. No punishment,
however. And I would make sure to connect with them later
to find out how they were doing.
*Which brings me to another point. Based on something
another poster wrote, I get the feeling that some people
think HD is like Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood -- no raised
voices, lots of gentle and warmly fuzzy moments... NOT
TRUE! (:-) One can be very assertive, and have HUGE energy
in an HD class. "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! STOP, AND STOP
NOW!!!" an HD teacher might shout.
*******************************************************
I think one of the reasons that I developed the system I
developed was that I had similar experiences of discomfort
when it came to punishing a kid for "being a kid." That's
why I did away with punishments, but kept the high
expectations and consequences. So, it's much easier for
me (and much better for that safe and supportive environment
I want) to simply go through the 4 step progression of
consequences. And most of the time it's not even necessary
to go there.
But the beauty of the HD system is that it gives me the
opportunity to show kids that I WILL BE CONSISTENT AND WILL
NOT BACK DOWN once I ask someone to do something ... but yet
I'm not handing out punishments with which I am
uncomfortable. So, the next time I say, "Support please!"
(to no one in particular), the person doing the unsupportive
behavior will think twice about continuing because they KNOW
that the next step is my handing the responsibility and
awareness to them (kindly, calmly, with no opportunity for
them to scapegoat the 'mean teacher'). "Tom, could you
support us more right now? [Yes, sorry.] Thanks." And the
next step THAT THEY KNOW WILL COME is for me to politely
insist that they move. Again, there is no opportunity for
them to avoid responsibility or make it about me. AND I WILL
INSIST THAT THEY MOVE.
The beauty of treating kids this way is that the resentment,
rebellion, and passive aggression simply melts away, leaving
you with a much more responsible and responsive group of
young people! There is no "ongoing battle," no Teacher vs.
Student dynamic, no power struggle.
Kids are just young humans with the desire to be competent,
confident, and cared about. Expect them to have those
skills. Give them the tools. Treat them with dignity. And
you will revolutionize the classroom experience for them.
And trust me, they will love it!
But if teachers really believe that the kids in their
classroom CAN NOT DEVELOP SELF-DISCIPLINE OR A SENSE OF
SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY -- and therefore must be disciplined
by the teacher for there to be any chance of order -- then
those teachers will get exactly what they
expect.
********************************************************
I once had a student named Diego. Prior to his taking my
mandatory Speech class (a required class for sophomores),
my current Speech students were appraising the class --
what they liked and what I could improve for the next
semester's students. One student said, "You do an amazing
job at creating this environment of safety and support ...
but you haven't had Diego in class yet."
Diego, as it turned out, was a one-man educational
wrecking crew. He relished attention, but all he knew was
the negative variety. He was loud, abrasive, devisive,
rebellious, obnoxious, rude, and bored. He LOVED a power
struggle, and other teachers engaged him readily. From
what I heard, they always lost. (I am not embellishing one
bit.)
So Diego became a Speech student. By side-stepping his
usual power struggle, giving him lots of "I know what
you're up to, Diego, and I like you anyway" looks, using
humor to defuse him, and making personal contact and
acknowledgement whenever I could, Diego went from "bad
boy" to model student in about two and a half weeks. He
became my lieutenant of sorts, often saying "Support!"
when another student needed to hear it -- and beating me
to the punch. It was actually hilarious and heart-warming
for all of us in the class ... and very, very fun.
The next semester Diego tried out for the play
and turned out to be very talented, earning a lead role.
Two years later he became student body president, and was
one of the most popular kids on campus -- a friend to
every teacher.
I believe there are lots of students like Diego, and lots
of opportunities to win them over.
For those interested, here are a couple of things I've
done that have really helped me to create safety and
support in the classroom.
1) Gave a short talk the first day on Safety and Support.
Why it's so important. Gave an example of unsupportive
behavior and discussed its effect.
2) Played a fun and active name game, after which I knew
every student's name. The particular game also required
support and trust, so enabled me to start giving them
tools and vocabulary in these areas.
Knowing their names on the second day of class not only
made it possible to treat them as individual human beings
(and thus begin the Mutual Respect process), it also was
much easier to address them and keep them on a positive
behavioral track. Saying, "Tommy..." with raised eyebrow
and knowing (and friendly) look when seeing Tommy about to
choose an unsupportive action, makes a very powerful
statement -- especially when Tommy just met you yesterday.
3) Having them work in small groups, brainstorming
examples of supportive and unsupportive behavior, then
presenting their examples to the class. After which, I
tell them about the Support System, whereby I promise to
support them, and expect them to support me and each
other. Then telling them what the progression will be (a.
Support! b. Tommy, please support us. c. Tommy, move
to another seat, please. d. Tommy, please sit in the seat
next to my desk until you are ready to support us.) And by
the way, these are not definitive phrases that can not be
modified.
4) Being on the lookout for the first instance of
unsupportive behavior and "pouncing," saying something
like "HOLD IT, FOLKS. We just had some unsupportive
behavior from this side of the room. Be attentive, people.
Unsupportive behavior can creep up on you when you're not
even aware of it. Alright. Carry on..."
5) Being EXTREMELY consistent, not backing down one moment
from following through on the progression.
6) Consciously and constantly monitoring my own thoughts,
feelings, and physical reactions so that I could ACT from
a place of calm, kindness, and confidence rather than
REACTING from fear, insecurity, or anger.
*****************************************
BUT if you're not interested in incorporating the totality
of the Support System, I would still use some of its tenets.
*Greet the kids at the door. Friendly, welcoming, warm,
but 'confident and leaderly.'
*On the board, have written, "We're having a talk before we
do anything else today."
*When the bell rings, walk to the front-and-center of class
and get their attention. (If you don't have an attention-
getting technique already, get one. But whatever you do,
EXPECT them to give you their full support, and don't do
anything else until they do. If you need to 'project' your
authoritative instruction of "LISTEN UP. NOW!!!" then do
so.)
*Talk to them directly and honestly about what is not
working, and your conviction that it WILL work from now on.
(Are you starting to say to yourself, "Yeah, right! I can
say that, but I won't believe it, and neither will
they...."? If you ARE thinking such thoughts, that's a clear
indication that your actual expectations of the kids are
low. ALL kids can learn and 'behave,' unless they have
severe clinical pathologies preventing them from doing so.)
*Then tell them that you are going to do some things
differently, beginning with a new seating chart. You might
already have a seating chart, but make a new one anyway,
doing your best to put kids next to each other that won't be
tempted to talk so much.
*Tell them that you are doing away with all rewards and
punishments. "Those are for kindergartners," and I expect
you to behave without them. (I propose that these rewards
and punishements are more indications that you actually
EXPECT them to lack mature and responsible self-discipline.
And they are acting exactly as you are expecting.)
*Use the 4 Step consequence progression. 1) "Support us,
please" without looking at the offender/s. 2) "Tom, could
you support us, please? Thanks." 3) "Tom, please move to
[another seat of your choosing, or trade places with
someone]. Thanks." 4) "Tom, please sit in the chair next to
my desk [or the isolated chair in the back of the room].
Thanks."
Now, clearly these are not 'punishments' and are not meant
to incite fear and "I'd Better Be Good"ness into the
students. These are ways for you to PROVE that you have high
expectations and are trustworthy as the Leader (so you have
to be consistent and institute the steps IMMEDIATELY at the
FIRST INSTANCE of their lack of support).
*Along with the above, NEVER talk over them. At the FIRST
INSTANCE of their beginning to talk while you or someone
else has the floor, institute the 4 Steps. If you have to
modify by just sticking with Step 1 for five minutes, then
so be it. (You're talking to them and one person in the back
of the room starts to talk to a neighbor. "Support us,
please," you say. They do and you continue to talk. Then
three other students start to talk to neighbors. Immediately
stop and say "Support..." (and wait for it). Thanks." And
continue. KEEP REPEATING THIS if you have to.
*And don't baby them with statements like, "I sure
appreciate how Mary and Jimmy are paying attention right
now." That's a manipulation AND a tacit acknowledgment that
you don't expect everyone to pay attention all the time.
Expect it. Demand it. Insist upon it. Don't let them be
unsupportive without you countering immediately with
unwavering expectations. And keep your anger/frustration out
of it. That's your issue. Love them enough that you won't
let them be anything but their best.
If you do all of the above, they will change. But the
biggest change has to be within you, then manifested in your
dominant [Alpha dog] actions.
On 5/15/08, CC wrote:
> I want to do a better job next year and I'm not sure how.
> I have a negative classroom as well. I try to be a
> positive person but I wonder if I didn't start off too
> nice. I was in a very challenging school before and I
> made some enemies by starting off too harsh. I really am
> basically new at teaching in public school and my
> management needs a lot of improvement. I have procedures
> in place and when the students do what they should they
> work fine. It has been very difficult because when the
> special education teacher or a V.P. is present they know
> what to do but when its just me they are rude and
> disrespectful. I have tried not to yell but at times I
> have. They push and push until I break. I wish that this
> was not the case but it is. I know that is part of the
> problem. I am small and young looking and I think I seem
> like a pushover. I want so much to be a good teacher
> could anyone recommend some books or programs that might
> help me prepare for next year?
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