One clarification to my previous post. When explaining this in
front of the parents, don't seem like you are blaming them. You
may want to soften your understanding of the source of the words
and say brothers, sisters, relatives or other children. Don't
come right out and blame the parents because they may not be the
source at all.

On 10/20/09, Steve wrote:
>> Our 5th graders are using very sexual words and mimicking
>> some sexual actions. Of course the consequence is going
>> straight to the principal (legally this has to be our first
>> recourse). You'd think this would eliminate some of the
>> words and behaviors, but kids come right back from the
>> principal and start saying lewd things about their body parts.
>
> You delema is this. They should feel ashamed and the don't.
> Instead, they continue and it gets worse. Sticks and carrots
> will not work. You need to appeal to conscience and create a
> sense of shame for the actions. Don't use punishment or strong
> negative emotion. That won't work.
>
> Remember that the use of poor language is a way to receive
> respect from piers. Kids are like parrots and mimic what their
> parents and mentors are saying. Impressionable children hear
> adults swear and it's always in an attention getting tone of
> voice. They mimic these cuss words to see if they can create
> the same atmosphere and get the same kind of imagined respect.
>
> If you understand this, then go to the student and explain this
> to him in front of their parents. Use the same words I use.
> You already know where the example is coming from and when you
> lead by example, you may change the heart of both the student
> and parent. If you give them the reason for the behavior then
> they will avoid revealing poor character in your presence.
> Shame will kick in when they recall that you know their heart.
>
> Also say something like this:
>
> "Gaining respect should be accomplished through hard work and
> self-control and not self-destructive behaviors that are based
> on poor and offensive choices. Do you really want to take a
> poor approach to gain the wrong kind of respect? If you are
> going to succeed in life they need the correct tools. It's
> going to be hard to keep a job later in life if the respect you
> gain from others is done in a negative way." and so on.
>
> I have always found that kids avoid disrespectful behavior
> around a teacher that tells them how it is. There is a certain
> feeling of shame when a student knows that the teacher thinks
> poorly of the behavior and is willing to tell the student about
> it logically. If you use an emotional tone with the student
> and simply scream at the problem, the problem will get worse.
> Assigning detentions and ISS is fuel on the fire. Appeal to
> their sense of guilt for poor actions and give them the honest
> skinny on why they are behaving the way they are and it will
> stop. Kids are much smarter than we give the credit. If you
> take this calm and assertive approach in your classroom in all
> situations, the kids will respect you and avoid what you dislike.
>
> Steve

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