Johnny Kumquatseed Walks Along the Road of Life and Gets a Job and Thankfully a New Name
Adapted From: Silly Salamanders and Other Slightly Stupid Stuff for Reader's Theatre By: Anthony D. Fredericks
Characters: Narrator, Person 1 Along the Road of Life, Person 2 Along the Road of Life, Person 3 Along the Road of Life, Johnny, And Creepy Offstage Voice
Narrator: Long ago on the American Frontier, there lived a young boy named Johnny Kumquatseed.
Person 1: Now you make think that Johnny's name is unusual but just remember that he was born in the good old days.
Person 2: Yeah, back then when people didn't have any idea what to name their kids they would just name them after things that they found around the house.
Person 3: Well, as it happens, when Johnny was born his father had just bought a load of kumquats to feed the family.
Creepy Offstage Voice: What are kumquats?
Narrator: Who cares. . .. . .they were just in Johnny's name.
Creepy Offstage Voice: Okay, Okay, we get the picture.
Narrator: Anyway, when Johnny was born he was named after the first thing that his father saw in the house.
Johnny: Hey, don't make fun of me. I think that my name is cool.
Person 1: It's a good thing that his father didn't notice the smelly pig pen when he was born!
Creepy Offstage Voice: Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha!
Person 2: Man, who is that guy? He is really creeping me out.
Person 3: Yeah, I know. Scary.
Narrator: Anyway, now where was I? Oh yeah, Johnny grew up on the frontier, you know, way out in the sticks.
Johnny: Yeah, I had to walk to school uphill, barefoot, in the snow 10 miles both ways!
Creepy Offstage Voice: Mooo! Haa! Haaa! Oh yeah, you wimp! I can beat that!
Johnny: Anyway, I left home to seek my fortune in the world when I was 15. That was when I decided to walk the road of life to see what was in store for me.
Person 1: That was when he discovered that he had a really strange name.
Person 2: Yeah, Kumquatseed! Ha! Ha!
Creepy Offstage Voice: Silent! Don't make me come out there! I'm really scary, and really, really mean! I will smile at you with my big green rotten teeth!
Creepy Offstage Voice: Argggggggg!
Narrator and Person 1, 2, & 3: Oh no! We are really scared!
Narrator: Johnny walked for a really long time on the road of life. He was really worried that he would never make it until he met 3 strange people with really big hairy noses.
Person 1: Hey, there! Yes, You! Johnny Kumquatseed!
Narrator: Johnny turned around and he saw the really ugly person with the big hairy nose and he screamed.
Creepy Offstage Voice: Moo! Haa! Haa! Wait till he meets Person 2. He/She has really stinky, stinky, feet.
Person 2: Howdy stranger. Are you just passing through or are you planning to stay for a spell?
Johnny: No, just passing through.
Creepy Offstage Voice: That's what he thinks! Moo! Ha! Ha!
Person 3: Well, to be perfectly honest with you, I think that you are going to find it real tough out there with a name like Johnny Kumquatseed.
Narrator: You know that they are right, right?
Johnny: Well guys I appreciate the concern, but I think that I will be on my merry way.
Person 1: Sure, you'll understand here soon.
Person 1, 2, & 3: Yeah, unless you have big hairy noses and big stinky feet like us you will never get anywhere in life Johnny Kumquatseed.
Creepy Offstage Voice: Mooo! Haaa! Haa!
Narrator: Shut Up Creepy Guy! You are getting on my nerves!
Creepy Offstage Voice: Moooooooo
Person 2: Great now he is mooing like a cow.
Creepy Offstage Voice: Quack! Quack!
Person 3: Great now his is duck. Someone get him out of here!
Johnny: Okay, everyone just be quiet. I'm getting sick of all of this drama!
Narrator: Anyway, Johnny eventually got past all of the animal noises from the Creepy Offstage Voice and the ugly people with big noses and stinky feet on the road. He was traveling and making good time until. . .. . .. . .. . ...
To Be Continued. . .. . ...
Create and Ending to this Story. What happened to Johnny? Did he ever make it to where he was wanting to go? Where was it exactly was he wanting to go? Did he change his name? What did he change it to? Did the people on the road ever get a nose job to fix their big hairy noises? What happened to the Creepy Offstage Voice Guy? The possibilities are endless. . .let your imaginations run wild.