10. Cloned replica of myself to attend faculty meetings

 9. Automatic Butt Kisser to save time going to the office

 8. Machine to instantly evaporate anyone who uses the term ADD

 7. An out of order copy machine for the central office

 6. An automatic CHECK YOUR ZIPPER buzzer

 5. Electric fence around my desk

 4. Video teaching from home.....no more wearing pants

 3. Watercooler connected to a 50 gallon drum of powdered Xanax

 2. Half-meat, half rubber pizza for when the superintendent comes to lunch

Having lived on the high plains for several decades, I have begun to wonder where the low plains are located. With that in mind, why are we considered to be living in West Texas while folks several hundred miles south of us are considered to be located in North Texas? What I’m wondering is if we are considered to be located in West Texas, where is El Paso considered to be located?

How would a person react if I were to suggest that I would like to move south to North Texas? Naturally, the person would consider me a bit looney when I stated that I was traveling south to move north. Somehow, this situation appears to me to be a double negative which would result in my actually living in South Texas when in fact I am living in West Texas.

I have learned that English and math rules always have exceptions, and this is probably one of those exceptions. So how do I explain to my students that even though we are located several hundred miles north of North Texas, we are considered to be living in West Texas, even though we are several hundred miles east of the western edge of Texas?

Teaching middle school is difficult enough without some practical joker throwing in a few misguided labels on the state of Texas. How can I explain this situation to my students? In this instance, Einstein’s theory of relativity has no bearing and is totally inapplicable. Hopefully, this situation will not be presented on the infamous TAAS test.

I’m also wondering how I can explain this unusual situation to my students who are currently studying the weather. I assume that they have learned that as a person travels northward, the temperatures generally become cooler. How in the world can I explain to them that the temperatures in North Texas are actually warmer than in West Texas?