10. Students started calling me PAW PAW

9. Was using school funds to purchase Depends.

8. Lunchroom refused to serve Ensure with meals.

7. Kept getting World's Oldest Teacher coffee mugs for Christmas presents.

6. Was mistakenly identified as having scoliosis because of my slumped walk.

5. Never could master the technology of that VHS video thing.

4. Was caught using White Out instead of Crest White Strips.

3. Thought NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND meant I had to be sure everyone made it to the lunchroom.

2. Kept getting the tornado and fire drill procedures mixed up. Took them out when a tornado was coming and kept them inside during a fire.

1. Finally got to the point where I had lived through everything that was in the history book.

A Poem for Teacher

Posted by B on the Classroom Humor Chatboard

My mother asked me yesterday, how things were going at school.
She said to give her details, and to tell her what was cool.

I thought real hard, I strained my brain, and then I let it rip.
I decided not to leave anything out, as the words tumbled from my lips.

Calen got in trouble for pushing Keith in line,
Jerry got an A on his test, and Lisa’s doing fine.

Jim forgot his homework, which made the teacher frown,
Austin ran fast on the playground, at least until he fell down.

Jesse, Joan, and Jennifer giggled all day long,
The music teacher, Mrs. Staff, tried to teach a song.

Things were going really swell until Joe peeked at Tiffani’s test.
The whole class had to hear a speech about not cheating and doing your best.

Everybody said “Oooh,” when Jeremiah began to pick his nose.
The room began to stink when Linda took off her shoes and wiggled her toes.

Nobody liked it when Kelly threw up, and the phone rang three times during Spelling.
Travis was finking on all of the kids, and Teacher told him to stop telling!

Robert tipped his chair back and cracked his head on a desk.
Dale’s tooth fell out in a pool of blood, and Lori was a great big pest.

There was a practice fire drill just five minutes after Teacher started math.
Joshua yelled across the room that Becky needs a bath.

I guess nothing really special happened on this day,
But at least I am the teacher, and I’m going to get some pay!

It's in the genes

Posted by John B on the Classroom Humor Chatboard

If you don't straighten up ...

Posted by Pre-k teacher on the Classroom Humor Chatboard

I teach pre-k and we have a housekeeping area set up for our dramatic play. One of the little girls was in the center with one of the little boys the other day and she said, "If you don't straighten up -- I'm LEAVING YOU!" It caught me by surprise. I realized that she must be hearing this at home, but I couldn't help but laughing. It's great how something unsuspected can turn around a day for a teacher.

What a Laugh I Had Today!

Posted by Christine on the Classroom Humor Chatboard

I was earnestly trying to get the concept of MOOD in literature across to my 4th-graders. I told them it was the emotion(s) the author made you feel, and asked them for another word for "emotions." (I was looking for "feelings.") One bright boy raised his hand and confidently said "hormones."

They are priceless!

» More Gazette articles...