When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother? " I asked. "Yes, "Chris said. "She's come to visit us for Christmas." "How nice," I said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her."
When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for, and then he spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter. "What are you doing?" his Mom asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
A 7-year-old grandson surprised this little grandmother one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?" Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'"
In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart that contained a screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, "Don't get excited, Albert; don't scream, Albert; don't yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert." A woman standing next to him said, "You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son Albert." The man looked at her and said, "Lady, I'm Albert."
A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens." "How did you know that?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, the tooth fairy will never believe this!"
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather. And unto the Soonnn...and into the hole he gooooes."
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!"
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I've always wondered why the price of gasoline never ends in any number except the number nine. Instead of being $1.34.99, why don't the folks display the price as $1.35. If for no other reason, they wouldn't have to place so many numbers on their signs which advertise the prices of their products.
Car dealers have an obsession with the number nine. The price of nearly every vehicle they advertise contains one or more nines. Some dealers are so obsessed with this nine fetish that they will display the price of $19,999.99. I assume that they believe their potential customers find all of the nines more pleasing than a lot of zeros.
Out of curiosity, I decided to study the vehicle adds in a newspaper. Upon finding the adds for pre-owned vehicles, I was reminded of other ploys used by advertisers. First, I suppose that advertising experts have determined that pre-owned is a more pleasing description of a vehicle than used. Possibly, they believe that a person would think that a pre-owned vehicle had never been used.
The psychology game continues. Instead of listing the total prices of the vehicles, the monthly payments are displayed and nowhere is the total number of months a person must make these payments indicated. There were 22 vehicles listed, each having a price with three digits. Of the 66 numbers, 24 of them were nines.
While I was studying the numbers, I noticed another strategy used by the car dealers. A few of the vehicles displayed in the adds had no price whatsoever. Instead, displayed below the pictures of the vehicles were the savings prices. The savings prices contained mostly zeros as in $5,000. Also listed beside the adds was the statement, "Over 7,000 vehicles." Their use of zeros with the intentions of indicating large quantities convinced me that they believed that people must think that zeros indicate greater amounts than nines.
At the very bottom of the page, was the mandatory small print. There I found the "rest of the story." For some reason, the pre-owned vehicles were now referred to as used vehicles. If a person were to purchase one of the used vehicles, he would be required to pay 20% (I wonder why not 19.9%?) down and 11.49% interest for six years. Of course years weren't mentioned--only 72 payments.
Obviously, these car dealers have extensively studied what is appealing to the public and have become experts in deception. Their reasoning indicates that a person believes that he is getting a bargain if there are nines listed within the selling price or zeros listed in the amount of savings.
Math has always caused me various degrees of consternation. When combined with psychology, the numbers become even more perplexing. According to math textbooks, nine of anything is much greater than zero of anything, but apparently peoples' minds ignore the obvious as is indicated in the prices or savings of vehicles.
These reverse psychological tactics are a bit bewildering to me, but they must be effective since they are utilized by the majority of the car dealers. However, there was one add that totally flabbergasted me. Under a picture of a car, there was no price, payments, or savings listed, only the words, "Won't Last!" Now why would a person purchase a vehicle that wouldn't last? I just don't understand these car dealers' reasoning.
