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On 7/11/16, Rick wrote:
> On 7/08/16, Landparent wrote:
>> On 7/08/16, Landparent wrote:
>>> On 7/08/16, Landparent wrote:
>>>> On 7/08/16, Landparent wrote:
>>>>> On 7/08/16, Concerned Uncle Again wrote:
>>>>>> I want to thank the advice I received a few weeks back
>>>>> on
>>>>>> how to help with my 9 year old nephew who has
>>>>> aspergers.
>>>>>> Things have been challenging these past few weeks.
>>>>> Last week
>>>>>> was my Mom's birthday and Mom and Dad watch him
>>>>> and his
>>>>>> brother regularly. Mom wanted the family to go out to
>>>>>> her favorite restaurant for brunch after church. Well
>>>>>> just to get my nephew to go to church and sit still
>>>>>> for an hour,
>>>>> my
>>>>>> sister promises him a donut. It stared when the
>>>>>> service lasted a little longer than usual and the
>>>>>> deacon wanted to give Mom a blessing. My nephew tried
>>>>>> to leave the pew
>>>>> and
>>>>>> kept whining about his donut when the deacon was
>>>>> praying
>>>>>> with us. Then he hit the ceiling when we told him that
>>>>>> this one Sunday Grandma wanted to go out somewhere
>>>>> special. He
>>>>>> wanted none of that and my sister was going to buy him
>>>>> his
>>>>>> donut. We told her that doing this would only reward
>>>>>> bad behavior. But his behavior kept getting worse. He
>>>>>> started yelling and carrying on in the restaurant and
>>>>>> my Dad
>>>>> took
>>>>>> him outside to scold him. He improved a little but sat
>>>>>> and pouted. That night I was suppose to take them to
>>>>>> the fireworks. I said I would take his brother but not
>>>>>> him after what he did. He really got upset. My sister
>>>>>> said I should have taken him too. She had to work or
>>>>>> she would have.
>>>>> She
>>>>>> gives into his every demand. He tries to come over to
>>>>>> us
>>>>> and
>>>>>> pull things like that and my folks, especially my Dad,
>>>>> won't
>>>>>> stand it. Somehow he is better with us. Now here is
>>>>>> the
>>>>> next
>>>>>> thing. Next week we are taking the boys for the week
>>>>> while
>>>>>> his Mom goes to a wedding. Any suggestions would be
>>>>>> appreciated. We know is care plan and also know his
>>>>> schedule. Professional here. Former SEIT. Make a
>>>>> behavior chart. Give him a smiley face for good
>>>>> behavior. No stickers for bad behavior. 5 stickers gets
>>>>> s prize. Donut? Truck? Needs to have a predictable
>>>>> schedule, no surprises.
>>>> Also when u give smiley face say what its for. "Good
>>>> sitting and reading the book" "good quietly sitting w
>>>> your hands in your lap"
>>> When u say "Good job...etc" big smile and eye contact go
>>> a long way.
>> Eventually you can break the donut into pieces and to
>> reinforce good behavior. Turn bad behavior into good
>> behavior. Don't threaten or punish. Reward for good
>> behavior.
> I agree you should encourage good behavior with recognizing
> it. But kids, even kids with disabilities, need to learn that
> they can't always expect some little reward for doing what is
> expected. Save big rewards that would mean spending money on
> an outing for a big thing. But for day to day simply make it
> known good behavior means you get some privilege.
I have 10 years experience with these children, have 5 teaching
licenses, including Birth-gr2 students with disabilities. You
illustrate an important problem. Everyone thinks they can just
think logically and go by their parenting instincts for early
childhood. I can assure you there is a reason I recommended what
I did, and the child with Asperger's is not able to think
logically in your idea of just tell them what to do and they
will do it or else.
Praise, praise, praise, even for the smallest goals with a big
smile. No you don't always have to give a piece of donut. But if
you promise it, make sure to always follow through.
Please consult professionals in your area. It's not easy. I know
in NYC there are free evaluations and support. Call your local
special ed or education office. Your child's Dr can also help.

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