Not really classroom humor either, but good for a
laugh...Axis of Evil Wannabes, by John Cleese
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of
Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had
formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be
more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis
President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the
new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb
name. "Right. They are Just as evil...in their dreams!"
declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows
we're the best evils... best at being evil...we're the
best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being
excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could
join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said
Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An Axis can't have more
than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam
Hussein. This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War
II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So,
you can only have three, and a secret handshake.
Ours is wickedly cool."
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration
was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain
triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical
chairs.
Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the "Axis of
Somewhat Evil," forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and
Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil," while
Bulgaria,Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not
So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable."
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable
clubs filling up...Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda
applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the
Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics."
Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations
That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty
Thoughts About America," while Scotland, New Zealand and
Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Be Allowed to
ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick." "That's not a threat, really,
just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive
First Minister Jack McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't
perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval
for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of
the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in "Guay," accusing
one of its members of filing a false application. Officials
from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any
Axis, but privately,
world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.
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