Re: Sam I am...you crack me up!!! NFM
Posted by kindredNY on 9/14/07
On 8/17/07, Sam I Am wrote:
>
> Every year, English teachers from across the country can
> submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors
> found in high school essays:
>
>
> These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of
> teachers
> across the country. Here are last year's winners.....
>
>
> 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its
> two sides
> gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
>
>
> 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
> alliances like
> underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
>
>
> 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from
> experience, like a
> guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse
> without one of
> those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the
country
> speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a
> solar eclipse
> without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
>
>
> 4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and
he was
> room-temperature Canadian beef.
>
>
> 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound
a
> dog makes
> just before it throws up.
>
>
> 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
>
>
> 7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
>
>
> 8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had
> disintegrated
> because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like
> a surcharge
> at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
>
>
> 9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly
> the way a
> bowling ball wouldn't.
>
>
> 10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a
> Hefty bag
> filled with vegetable soup.
>
>
> 11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene
> had an
> eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in
> another city and
> Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 pm. instead of 7:30.
>
>
> 12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a
> sneeze.
>
>
> 13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like
> maggots when you
> fry them in hot grease.
>
>
> 14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-! crossed lovers
> raced across
> the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains,
> one having
> left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other
> from Topeka
> at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
>
>
> 15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with
> picket fences
> that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
>
>
> 16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two
> hummingbirds who
> had also never met.
>
>
> 17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and
> she was the
> East River.
>
>
> 18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a
steel
> trap, only
> one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
>
>
> 19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
>
>
> 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But
> unlike Phil,
> this plan just might work.
>
>
> 21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get
> from not
> eating for a while.
>
>
> 22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame
> duck, either,
> but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping
> on a land
> mine or something.
>
>
> 23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended
one
> slender
> leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
>
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