Posted by Sam I Am on 6/01/08

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer
evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up
and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the
shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom,
that lady isn't wearing
a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his
teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The
opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those
of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her
4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come
to the phone to talk to you right
now. She's hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the
women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst
into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for
cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
'What's the matter,haven't you ever
seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary
school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years
old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you
a cop?
Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My
mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police.
Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told
her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her
foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in
front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9
partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring
in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of
the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to
elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on
my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by t he
various appliances
of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and
wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false
teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the
inevitable barrage of questions, she merely
turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never
believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy,
you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next
morning.'

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church,
our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made
his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his
playmates had found a dead
robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they
had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole
and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate
prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of
what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the
Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and
into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my
funeral!)

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't
read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated
as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something
fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at
it. What he saw was
an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he
answered, 'I think
it's Adam's underwear.'

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