Posted by Ken Mylott on 1/06/09

Ken Mylott's Amazing Psychic Predictions About Education
For 2009

Once again, it's time for me to look into my crystal ball
and see what the future holds for education in the coming
year. Please keep in mind that my past predictions have
been proven to be "99% accurate" whenever they came true.

1) In a startling discovery later this year, a major
scientific study will conclude that there is a
"significant" correlation between academic success in high
school and regular school attendance, doing homework,
studying, and parental involvement in a teenager's life.
"And I thought that my kid was failing because his teachers
didn't like him since he got those tattoos and face
piercings," one parent exclaimed in shock when she heard
the study results.

2) A school district somewhere in the United States will
announce that none of the tax money that was set aside for
the school system has "disappeared, been misplaced, or
mismanaged. "That's right," the district supervisor will
state, "every penny of tax money that was supposed to go to
educating our students actually ended up doing so. We think
it's a miracle."

3) A teacher's union will refuse to defend the cause of an
incompetent teacher. "Usually, we go to bat for every
teacher who pays their dues but this one was so dreadful
that even we couldn't do it with a clear conscience," the
union spokesperson will explain. "I'm in a twelve step
program and if I went along with this, it would have eaten
me up so badly that my sobriety would have been at risk."

3) In a sudden and massive reversal of cultural tastes,
teenagers all across the USA will decide that they have had
enough of gangster rap music and stop buying it, putting
all of the singers out of business. "We just got tired of
it. Now we're all trying to live productive, positive, law
abiding lives and take our education seriously. We have no
interest in negative, anti-social messages; that is so old
fashioned. We're all into setting goals and working toward
them now," one teenager in a poodle skirt will explain.
There will be an explosion in sales of music by the
Carpenters, ABBA, and Pat Boone.

4) In a surprising move, an individual without any
management, leadership, communication or people skills will
be appointed to become the administrator of a public school
in the United States. Teachers at the school will be
bewildered by this appointment. "We're so used to having
intelligent, inspiring, highly competent, and articulate
people in administration that we're all thrown by this and
aren't quite sure how we are supposed to respond," one
faculty member will confess in an interview. "Some of us
are still clinging to the hope that this is some sort of
sick practical joke and that we'll get a real administrator
soon," another teacher added.

5) In order to combat the childhood obesity epidemic,
schools across the nation will shut down their cafeterias
and eliminate lunch recess. "Most of these kids get enough
calories at breakfast alone to feed the entire Chinese
Army," one school nutritionist will explain. "Fasting all
day at school will be good for them." In addition, all
school water fountains will be shut off in order to cut
down on the need for bathroom passes. Vacant school
cafeterias will be leased out to Starbucks Coffee so that
teachers will finally be able to get a decent cup of coffee
at school.

6) The President of the United States will be wildly
praised by educators when he signs a bill providing an
additional 50 million dollars in funding for each and every
school in the nation. Later this year, it will be quietly
revealed that the bill will be funded by subjecting teacher
salaries to an 80% tax hike.

This is copyrighted material 2009 by Ken Mylott. You may
freely pass it along by email or use it in an in-school
publication. For other uses, contact me.

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