Dear Jeff,

I do not find it "too difficult" but am afraid it may be like
that for him. I do not need to go to counseling but
nevertheless, thanks for worrying about me so much. I believe i
would never even develop this crush if it weren't for the way
you treats me....he has initiated this. I know it.

On 6/23/09, Jeff wrote:
> I know what a few others said, but I like to give the benefit
> of the doubt. Is it really so far fetched that a college
> student would have a crush on one of her professors? It
> happens. Remember, college freshmen are usually 18, 19, 20
> years old, they are still basically adolescents with all the
> crazy hormones that entails. In this case she says she is 22,
> it isn't completely unheard of for someone in their 20's to be
> interested in someone in their 50's (though I'm sure there
> would be a more obvious board to post on than here).
>
> So, to the OP:
>
> I would treat this like any other crush you can't pursue. I'm
> sure you've had interests in men that just weren't possible,
> how did you deal with those?
>
> College isn't high school. It is normal for professors to
> start to develop friendships with some of their students.
> Heck, I was in my mid-20s when I went back to college, some of
> my professors were my age (or even a tad younger by the time I
> graduated). You are an adult, they are adults, and if you are
> majoring in their subject you probably have some interests in
> common. So, just as you can be friends with a boss (someone
> else you can be social with despite having a relationship with
> an imbalance of power in one aspect of your lives) you can have
> a friendship with a professor. It is likely he was just being
> friendly, and even if he is interested he has a family and
> probably won't return any advances (so don't do it).
>
> If you find it too difficult, you should probably go to the
> school counseling center to talk to someone. They aren't just
> there for major mental illness or anxiety, they can help with
> more mild "life issues" such as an inappropriate crush (a
> married man) that you are having trouble controlling.
>
>
> On 6/21/09, Ksenia wrote:
>> First off, I know this is probably the wrong forum to post
>> this message, but it didn't really seem to belong in any of
>> the forums-- I apologize.
>>
>> I'll just jump right in. I'm a 22-year old college student,
>> and this summer I took an English class from a wonderful
>> professor who happens to be exactly 31 years my senior
>> (53). It was a small class, so I got many chances to
>> interact with "Professor G." I found him to be a very
>> intelligent, funny and interesting person, and a few weeks
>> into the semester, I realized I couldn't get him off my
>> mind. I went to many of his office hours under the guise
>> of "needing help" with assignments, never missed a single
>> lecture, stayed at class late to talk to him, etc.
>>
>> Professor G always seemed to welcome my presence and enjoy
>> our conversations. He complimented my writing many times
>> during class and even called a couple of my poems and short
>> stories some of the best works he's ever received. (Yes, I
>> was floating on clouds after that! ) Two weeks ago, I was
>> talking to him during his office hours and he mentioned
>> that the other students really look up to me and think I'm
>> so smart and pretty. I know I shouldn't read anything into
>> that comment, but at the same time I couldn't help but
>> wonder if someone had actually told him that-- or if it was
>> his own guess..?
>>
>> On Wednesday, our last day of class, Professor G gave me a
>> book that he had mentioned a couple times over the course
>> of the semester and urged me to read. I hadn't had time to
>> pick it up yet, and he knew this, and so he went out and
>> bought me a copy. I was so happy! Every nice gesture he has
>> made to me, every compliment he has paid.....I treasure
>> them and cling to them with my whole heart. --It's really
>> very pathetic.
>>
>> Now-- Professor G has a wife and 2 sons, and I know he is
>> only interested me as an excellent student, nothing more. I
>> know this, yet I can't seem to stop thinking about
>> him.....it's been nearly three days since school let out,
>> yet his face is the last thing I picture before I fall
>> asleep, I find myself writing his name absentmindedly on
>> papers, I yearn to talk to him again. (By the way, this is
>> not a superficial attraction. Professor G is by no stretch
>> of imagination what one might label "hot." He resembles
>> Robin Williams much more than he does Richard Gere.)
>>
>> It's gotten to the point where I'm scaring myself with
>> my "obsession" with this man. I know this crush is largely
>> based on fantasy, and I have absolutely no desire or
>> intention to break up his marriage-- not that I'd fool
>> myself into thinking that I even could in the first place!
>> I know a romantic relationship between us is wholly
>> impossible. I really can't figure out what's wrong with me.
>> Why have I become so impossibly drawn to this man? I'm sure
>> this crush is unhealthy and probably makes me out to be
>> some sort of insane little girl to those of you who're
>> reading this, and believe me, if I could kill these
>> feelings, I would.
>>
>> I've written this embarrassing message because I need
>> help/advice....I'm driving myself crazy by moping around
>> thinking of Professor G every day. I go out and have fun
>> with my friends, but still, he's always there lurking in
>> the back of my mind. I must stop this! Please help, in any
>> way possible. I'm much too embarrassed to discuss this
>> issue with either family or friends.
>>

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