Re: Writing

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with agreement. Correct tense in your last sentence. Also, first
sentence is still too long. Better to make that two sentences. This
sentence, "Because of this, she developed a profound hatred towards
Jews over the years..." Did she develop a hatred of Jews over a
period of time, or was it the one instance? That sentence is
confusing.

On 1/01/11, Mehdi wrote:
> On 12/31/10, Edited wrote:
>> At five years old, Hilary lost her father, the only person she
>> could depend on, in an office building crash and blamed her
>> dad’s Jewish boss for it. Because of this, she developed a
>> profound hatred towards Jews over the years. Then,
>> ironically, after a motorcycle accident, she was brought to a
>> Jewish hospital where she slipped off into a turbulent coma.
>> While in the coma, she became Chana, a Jewish girl
>> experiencing the horrors of WWII. Once she fully recovered
>> from the coma (back as Hilary)she’s a completely changed
>> person.
>>
>>
> Thank you very much!
 

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