Re: Y you'd be happier in Iowa

Posted by Dee Moine on 3/14/05

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,...... did you hear the one about: IOWA ~~ Iowa: We Do
Amazing Things With Corn.
Iowa: Just east of Omaha.
Iowa: It's easy to spell.
Dumb Iowa Laws;
Kisses may last for no more than five minutes. One-armed
piano players must perform for free. A man with a moustache
may never kiss a woman in public. It is a violation of the
law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having
first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp.
Dubuque ;
Any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a
hitching post in front of the building.
Indianola ;
The "Ice Cream Man" and his truck are banned.
Fort Madison ;
The fire department is required to practice fire fighting
for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.
Marshalltown ;
Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants
Ottumwa ;
Within the city limits, a man may not wink at any woman he
does not know.
....... and from http://www.iowalum.com/Vegas/IowaJokes.html
>>> ;
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling
through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping
that the food will swim by, you might live in Iowa.

If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96
nights each year because it's the coldest or hottest spot in
the nation, you might live in Iowa.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through
March, you might live in Iowa.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out
of the year, you might live in Iowa.

If someone in a store offers you assistance, & they don't
work there, you might live in Iowa.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the
middle of his forehead, you might live in Iowa.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you
might live in Iowa.

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you
might live in Iowa.

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with
someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Iowa.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Iowan WHEN:
1. "Vacation" means going east or west on I-80 for the
weekend... or going to Adventureland.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer - more than
once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day...
and back again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a
raging blizzard without flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events
(including weddings).
7. You see people wear bib overalls to funerals.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car... and your
girlfriend knows how to use them.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a
snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are
filled with snow.
11. You know all 5 seasons: almost winter, winter, still
winter, road construction & DAMN HOT!
12. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer
next to your blue spruce.
13. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
14. Down South to you means Missouri.
15. East to you means Illinois.
16. A brat is something you eat.
17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole
shed.
18. You go out to a tail gate party every Saturday.
19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors because your
fire works melted.
20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
21. You find -20 degrees F "a little chilly."
22. You've never met any celebrities.
23. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a
tractor on the highway.
24. You've seen all the biggest bands... ten years after
they were popular.
25. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
26. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
27. You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.
28. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
29. You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
30. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
31. You install security lights on your house and garage -
and leave both unlocked.
32. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store
with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
33. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition.
Example: "Where's my coat at?" ............. plus 100+
more!!! Check out the site.
........ and more; Anyone you want can be found at either
the Dairy Queen or the Feed Store.

You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through
town.

The football coach suggested that you haul hay for the
summer to get stronger.

Directions are given using "the" stoplight as a reference.

The city council meets at the coffee shop.

Your "letter jacket" was worn after your 19th birthday.

You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull
over and ask if you need a ride.

Your teachers call you by your older siblings' names.

Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.

The closest Taco Bell or Burger King is at least 30 miles
away.
So is the closest shopping mall. .................. e'nuff.
.



iowa state capital bldg

Posts on this thread, including this one

• your assistance is needed, 12/03/04, by yi.
• Re: Y you'd be happier in Iowa, 3/14/05, by Dee Moine.