Top Ten Ways to Have Fun in Stores
By YENDOR

10. Put charcoal, lighter fluid and spam on checkout belt. Turn to wife and say, " Honey, you are in for a TREAT tonight!"

9. Go to the deli department and ask where you could find the bald eagle luncheon meat. If they tell you they have none, ask for the spotted owl meat.

8. Buy a massager and tell clerk it's for your neck. Then wink and giggle.

7. Pull a banana off the bunch and pretend like you are talking on a cell phone.

6. If you are tall, ask a short person to hand you something off the bottom shelf.

5. Go to the computer section and ask them for a mousetrap.

4. Slip a box of Magnums and a tattoo magazine in an elderly couple's cart.

3. Slip into the back of the meat department and make loud mooing noises.

2. Ask the service department if they would page you to the desk. When nobody shows up, start acting really worried.

And the NUMBER ONE WAY TO HAVE FUN WHILE SHOPPING. . .. . .. . ..

1. Wait for the greeter to get occupied, stand in his/her place and say to everyone coming in, "YOU BACK AGAIN??"

The Laugh Song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tF4JTd61xco

Collected from the Chatboards

But, Butt!

Posted by kdw

Today is the LAST day of school!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday my students were working on a Journal called Camp Learned A Lot. On one of the pages they had to write the funniest thing that happened this year in 1st grade. Rewind to about three weeks ago. We were up to our necks in an art project. I, apparently, was at least up to my backside in an art project. I leaned against a table (or maybe I sat on it) and when I got up I had a glue stick stuck to my backside. A usually very loud little girl just walked up behind me, took it off my backside and said (all the while trying to hold back hysterical laughter), "Uh, Mrs. W, you had this stuck to your butt!"

Fast forward to yesterday while filling out the funniest thing that happened this year: Same little girl comes up and is laughing so hard she has tears in her eyes. She says, "Mrs. W, I just can't get over when you had that glue stick stuck to your butt!" This time she wasn't so quiet when she said it. :) Man, I'm gonna miss these kids!

They Never Lie

Posted by Joan

One of my 3rd grade boys looked up at me this morning and said "I bet you have wrinkles under your makeup"...

Gee wiz, I am not THAT old. LOL

Just for fun, how many of the following can you answer correctly? These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?
4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
5. In many liquor stores you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters 'dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them.
7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?
8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S.'