Saving them from my experience

Join Teachers.Net

Chatboards

Recent Groups

Bullying

MEMBERS

2 Members

+ Join Group

Pinned Posts

ALLAll Teachers

Teachers.Net LIVE CHAT Support group - Tues eve!

Featured Jobs

Full-timeMontessori Teacher

Maple Ridge, British Columbia, Canada

TemporaryTeachers, rural schools

Peace River North School District

Full-timeHead Teacher: 2nd/3rd Grades – Mills College Children’s School

Mills College

Teaching Jobs on Teachers.Net

Featured Job special only $39!

https://teachers.net/jobs

Become a Teachers.Net sponsor!

Bullying Chatboard

Saving them from my experience

by englishteacher

Feb 20, 2012

Throughout my K-12 experience, I was mercillessly taunted, teased, and ostracized. Elementary school was the worst. I remember barely being able to bond with any of the students; I had only one friend my age all of those years, but I had plenty of enemies. My parents were very busy trying to work and meet basic needs. There were a few times when I wanted to talk, but I was made to feel like it wasn't that important, even though I hated my life. I got a little relief from my teachers, so I set to work to try to please them, but after second grade, they stopped showing a lot of support and left me to fend for myself. I found comfort then only in my studies and hope that the future would be better.

Middle school, ironically, was at first a relief. I wasn't subject to the stigmas and rumors that accompanied me in primary school. People were a little more mature there. I changed middle schools, though, and was again subject to a bit of bullying and ostracism; it was still better t...See MoreThroughout my K-12 experience, I was mercillessly taunted, teased, and ostracized. Elementary school was the worst. I remember barely being able to bond with any of the students; I had only one friend my age all of those years, but I had plenty of enemies. My parents were very busy trying to work and meet basic needs. There were a few times when I wanted to talk, but I was made to feel like it wasn't that important, even though I hated my life. I got a little relief from my teachers, so I set to work to try to please them, but after second grade, they stopped showing a lot of support and left me to fend for myself. I found comfort then only in my studies and hope that the future would be better.

Middle school, ironically, was at first a relief. I wasn't subject to the stigmas and rumors that accompanied me in primary school. People were a little more mature there. I changed middle schools, though, and was again subject to a bit of bullying and ostracism; it was still better than primary school, though.

Then, I went to high school, and the nightmare started all over again. Not a year went by without someone reminding me how sub-par I was when compared to the others. I endured more ostracism, and, at this point, I was sort of afraid to reach out to people. I kept my conversations very short and developed a disinterest in most social activities. I distrusted people, especially my peers.

Afterwards, I went into the working world, a fast food restaurant, where I endured more taunts and teasing by my coworkers. I got tired of the teasing, sought revenge, and got fired.

Then, I went off to college. At college, things were different. I learned to socialize again, if only just a little, and I found a passion for something, teaching and writing, that I continued to work toward. Eventually, I graduated and got my teaching license.

Now, though, I'm behind the teacher's desk looking at students who are very likely where I once was, and I don't know how to help them. I nottice teasing and taunting, and sometimes it's even directed at me. I've started taking action, standing up for myself, and reminding these hecklers that I'm the adult in the room, but how am I supposed to help my students? Can I take a toxic environment and make it place where people actually respect each other, instead of making mindless hurtful comments? How can I turn this situation around?

Comment

(3)

report post

Peter This might help, [link removed];

Mar 9, 2012

report post

Shelley. On 2/20/12, englishteacher wrote: > Throughout my K-12 experience, I was mercillessly taunted, > teased, and ostracized. Elementary school was the worst. I > remember barely being able to bond with any of the > students; I had only one friend my age all of those years, > but I had plenty of enemies. My parents were very busy > try...See MoreOn 2/20/12, englishteacher wrote: > Throughout my K-12 experience, I was mercillessly taunted, > teased, and ostracized. Elementary school was the worst. I > remember barely being able to bond with any of the > students; I had only one friend my age all of those years, > but I had plenty of enemies. My parents were very busy > trying to work and meet basic needs. There were a few times > when I wanted to talk, but I was made to feel like it > wasn't that important, even though I hated my life. I got a > little relief from my teachers, so I set to work to try to > please them, but after second grade, they stopped showing a > lot of support and left me to fend for myself. I found > comfort then only in my studies and hope that the future > would be better. > > Middle school, ironically, was at first a relief. I wasn't > subject to the stigmas and rumors that accompanied me in > primary school. People were a little more mature there. I > changed middle schools, though, and was again subject to a > bit of bullying and ostracism; it was still better than > primary school, though. > > Then, I went to high school, and the nightmare started all > over again. Not a year went by without someone reminding me > how sub-par I was when compared to the others. I endured > more ostracism, and, at this point, I was sort of afraid to > reach out to people. I kept my conversations very short and > developed a disinterest in most social activities. I > distrusted people, especially my peers. > > Afterwards, I went into the working world, a fast food > restaurant, where I endured more taunts and teasing by my > coworkers. I got tired of the teasing, sought revenge, and > got fired. > > Then, I went off to college. At college, things were > different. I learned to socialize again, if only just a > little, and I found a passion for something, teaching and > writing, that I continued to work toward. Eventually, I > graduated and got my teaching license. > > Now, though, I'm behind the teacher's desk looking at > students who are very likely where I once was, and I don't > know how to help them. I nottice teasing and taunting, and > sometimes it's even directed at me. I've started taking > action, standing up for myself, and reminding these > hecklers that I'm the adult in the room, but how am I > supposed to help my students? Can I take a toxic > environment and make it place where people actually respect > each other, instead of making mindless hurtful comments? > How can I turn this situation around? > >

This is also why I want to be a teacher. It's heartbreaking, isn't it? We should be able to do more! Unfortunately, all the solutions I've come up with feel like they are only putting a bandaid on a broken bone, and I have no way to stop bullying. So I guess I focus on the victims, making sure they know they are important, that what they are going through is important. There's a Charmed quote I like to repeat, "If it matters to you, it matters,". Also, finding things to compliment them so that they can be confident in themselves, give them the strength to know that what the others are saying about/to them doesn't matter. It can be ignored, it can bounce off us. Because what does it matter that someone you don't even really know and doesn't know you wants to insult you? I suppose it's important not to treat these bullies with any particular animosity, although a lot of them need to realise being jerks doesn't make them cool. But is there a deeper motivation behind their cruelty? Maybe they need some positive reinforcement. I am looking for a way to create a classroom of "positive peer pressure,". Where slacking off is looked down on, where being judgemental and shallow is not appreciated. I haven't a clue how to do this, but if you think you know, that will probably feel good to implement.

Mar 18, 2012

report post

ELAR Teacher You are not alone. Many (not all) of us get into teaching for the very reason of your subject title.

I wish there was a "fits-all" solution to the issue, but as each classroom dynamic is different, so are the problems that need solving. I can, however, offer what I do in my classroom and hope that my insight can generate some ideas for you...See MoreYou are not alone. Many (not all) of us get into teaching for the very reason of your subject title.

I wish there was a "fits-all" solution to the issue, but as each classroom dynamic is different, so are the problems that need solving. I can, however, offer what I do in my classroom and hope that my insight can generate some ideas for yours.

To begin with, what is your personality with your students? As for me, I'm "Firm, but Fair". My students know that my response to them is equal to their behavior. Regardless of how they "usually" behave, I do not turn a blind eye to the "normally nice" student when they chastise another...nor do I forget to praise the "usually mean" student when they do something nice.

Because I work mostly with At-Risk students, I think it is easier for me to create the "safe" classroom environment than say, a more economical advantaged district. My students regard my class as a "home away from home", and they know I don't expect any less from them as I would my own child.

While this "family" sort of atmosphere helps tremendously in the bullying issue, it does not completely eliminate the problem. However, it allows me the freedom to address it when it comes up...my students know I will, and because of this the long-standing fear of being teased worse because an adult interferes is rarely an issue.

What I do when I notice it is publically (in front of the class) confront the student who is bullying another. For example, if a student puts down another's idea, I will ask them why they felt the need to do so. Most times they don't even know why they do...it is just a gut reaction in an effort to look "cool" in front of others...and when they are asked "why", and they get "attention" (not the kind they want) they most often realize they had no "reason" and kind of feel bad about it. This may sound harsh on the outside...but until people realize that everyone (including themselves) has feelings and are vulnerable to get them hurt, they will never appreciate basic common courtesy. (another thing I stress in my classroom...Respect is never given...only Earned. However, basic common courtesy and manners should ALWAYS be given, even if you don't respect the person...because manners do not reflect how you feel about the other person...they reflect how you expect the other person to respect you.)

After they begin to stew about being publically reprimanded, I remind the class that we all have different ideas and everyone's idea is valid...and it is ok if you don't agree with another's, but there are more appropriate ways to convey this.

As far as outright just being mean...teasing, name calling, harrassing, etc., if I notice this it's an automatic call to the parents, right there, right now...class instruction is haulted, cell phone is brought out, and parent is called, period.

You may not be comfortable with my solutions to the issue, and as I said, I believe bullying and attitudes about it differ with each socio-economic culture...but it works for my classroom. All of my kids feel "safe" when they come to class, and I have yet to have a case of retaliation on either myself or any of my students.

Hope this helps :)

On 2/20/12, englishteacher wrote: > Throughout my K-12 experience, I was mercillessly taunted, > teased, and ostracized. Elementary school was the worst. I > remember barely being able to bond with any of the > students; I had only one friend my age all of those years, > but I had plenty of enemies. My parents were very busy > trying to work and meet basic needs. There were a few times > when I wanted to talk, but I was made to feel like it > wasn't that important, even though I hated my life. I got a > little relief from my teachers, so I set to work to try to > please them, but after second grade, they stopped showing a > lot of support and left me to fend for myself. I found > comfort then only in my studies and hope that the future > would be better. > > Middle school, ironically, was at first a relief. I wasn't > subject to the stigmas and rumors that accompanied me in > primary school. People were a little more mature there. I > changed middle schools, though, and was again subject to a > bit of bullying and ostracism; it was still better than > primary school, though. > > Then, I went to high school, and the nightmare started all > over again. Not a year went by without someone reminding me > how sub-par I was when compared to the others. I endured > more ostracism, and, at this point, I was sort of afraid to > reach out to people. I kept my conversations very short and > developed a disinterest in most social activities. I > distrusted people, especially my peers. > > Afterwards, I went into the working world, a fast food > restaurant, where I endured more taunts and teasing by my > coworkers. I got tired of the teasing, sought revenge, and > got fired. > > Then, I went off to college. At college, things were > different. I learned to socialize again, if only just a > little, and I found a passion for something, teaching and > writing, that I continued to work toward. Eventually, I > graduated and got my teaching license. > > Now, though, I'm behind the teacher's desk looking at > students who are very likely where I once was, and I don't > know how to help them. I nottice teasing and taunting, and > sometimes it's even directed at me. I've started taking > action, standing up for myself, and reminding these > hecklers that I'm the adult in the room, but how am I > supposed to help my students? Can I take a toxic > environment and make it place where people actually respect > each other, instead of making mindless hurtful comments? > How can I turn this situation around? > >

May 31, 2012

report post