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/blockquote>
1) Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more
like a jar of jalapenos; you never know what's going
to burn your ass.
--------
2) I love deadlines. I especially like the
whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
---------
3) Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to
get along w...See More/blockquote>
1) Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more
like a jar of jalapenos; you never know what's going
to burn your ass.
--------
2) I love deadlines. I especially like the
whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
---------
3) Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to
get along without it.
-----------
4) Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If
they aren't there the first time, chances are you
won't be needing them again.
-----------
5) I don't have an attitude problem; you have a
perception problem.
-------------
6) Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars
in the sky and I thought to myself.... where in the
hell is the ceiling?
--------------
7) My reality check bounced.
---------------
8) On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger
on the escape key.
----------------
9) I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier!!!
----------------
10) Everyone is someone else's weirdo.
-------------------
11) Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down
to their level then beat you with experience.
-----------------
12) Be careful . . . a pat on the back is only a few
centimetres from a kick in the ass.
------------------
13) Don't be irreplaceable --- if you can't be
replaced, you won't be promoted.
-------------------
14) The more crap you put up with, the more crap you
are going to get
-----------------
15) You can go anywhere you want if you look serious
and carry a briefcase.
-------------------
16) So this isn't Home Sweet Home. Adjust!
----------------
17) Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it
yourself!
-----------------
18) I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
---------------
19) Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for
they shall never cease to be amused.
------------------
20) What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it!
---------------
21) How can you tell which bottle contains her PMS
medicine? It's the one with bite marks on the cap!
/blockquote>
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street
in Rome. One has a cross in front of him; the other
one the Star of David. Many people go
by and look at both beggars, but only put money
into the hat of the beggar
sitting behind the cross.
A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of
peopl...See More/blockquote>
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street
in Rome. One has a cross in front of him; the other
one the Star of David. Many people go
by and look at both beggars, but only put money
into the hat of the beggar
sitting behind the cross.
A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of
people giving money to the
beggar behind the cross, but none give to the
beggar behind the Star of David.
Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar
behind the Star of David
and says,
"My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a
Catholic country, this
city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't
going to give you money if
you sit there with a Star of David in front of
you, especially when you're
sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In
fact, they would probably give to him just out of
spite."
The beggar behind the 'Star of David' listened
to the priest, turned to the
other beggar with the cross and said: "Moishe,
look who's trying to teach
the Goldstein brothers about marketing."
/blockquote>
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last ...See More/blockquote>
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse
gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong
lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet
engines
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering,
"What the heck happened?"
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all
fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar
of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.
by k sheeran
Apr 17, 2007
/blockquote>
need a song or poem for retiring teacher and secretary
/blockquote>
While teaching in Minneapolis Public Schools during Black
History Month, I had a student ask me how long Black
History Month was. I replied that it was the whole month
of February. He then said, "Wow! That's a long time.
When do your people have a month?" I thought this was
quite humorous!
by Chris Paulson
May 2, 2007
/blockquote>
I need a humorous retirement song for a secondary English
teacher.
There are 4 of us men teachers who will sing this song. Any
suggestions? Perhaps something from Broadway.
Thanks
Chris
by Jennifer Morelli
May 4, 2007
/blockquote>
Help! Our Art teacher is retiring after 17 years working
from a cart. I am in charge of her scrapbook and would
like funny sayings, quotes, jokes, whatever! Please either
send me some funny material, or point me in the right
direction where I can find some.
Thank you
/blockquote>
I have to come up with a "Top 10 Things to do when you
retire" list for a coworker. I want them humorous, but am
drawing a blank. Any suggestions????
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