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by barbara servedio
May 3, 2008
/blockquote>
does anyone have a humorous poem or short speech for a
retiree to make at her retirement dinner?
1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader...See More1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'
3) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter,haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by t he various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
9) DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
11) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear.'
Why are Galileo and Kepler at sixes and sevens? (Answer at [link removed] )
D Bm
G A At Craneville School there are some teachers showing photographs
D Bm D7 Of all the kids they’ve had the pleasure to know
D Dm And of the teachers that they love so
A And it’s time to go
D Bm
G A Their last box is neatly tucked inside their motorcars
D BM
D...See MoreD Bm
G A At Craneville School there are some teachers showing photographs
D Bm D7 Of all the kids they’ve had the pleasure to know
D Dm And of the teachers that they love so
A And it’s time to go
D Bm
G A Their last box is neatly tucked inside their motorcars
D BM
D7 The little children will soon leave for summer’s track
D Dm And though they’re trying not to look back
A G They feel, very strange, very strange.
C
F Craneville School is in our ears and in our eyes.
C F There beneath the blue Dalton skies
A I’ll miss those busy days.
D Bm G
A In the gym I hear the rhythm of the musicbox
D Bm D7 All the children romp around for exercise
D Dm Partner dancing is drawing nigh
A They know they have to try
D Bm G A By a classroom is a feeder for the animals
D BM D7 The little squirrels visit each and everyday
D Dm Bev teaches lessons as they play
A G There’s so much to say, everyday
C
F Craneville School is in our ears and in our eyes.
C F There beneath the blue Dalton skies
A I’ll miss the teacher’s room
D Bm G A In Kindergarten there is another shoe to tie
D Bm D7 The ABC’s and 1,2,3’s upon the board
D Dm Simple Paintings drying on the floor
A The ones we all adore
D Bm
G A The fifth graders try to learn through all their hullabaloo
D Bm
D7 Some spin yarns through the plays that they extend
D Dm Although emotions aren’t all their friends
A G It works out in the end. Thank you my friend
C
F Craneville School is in our ears and in our eyes.
C F There beneath the blue Dalton skies
A
I’ll visit and come back
D Bm
G A Of all the sights and sounds and wonders held within these walls
D Bm
D7 The plays and projects and the stories that unfold
D Dm
A You know it never will get too old when you come back again.
G Come back my friend
C
F Craneville School is in our ears and in our eyes. C F There beneath the blue Dalton skies
A Please visit and come back
D
G Craneville School is in our ears and in our eyes.
D G There beneath the blue …….Dalton skies…………..
D ……………….We’ll miss you
D Bm
G A At Craneville School there are some teachers showing photographs
D Bm D7 Of all the kids they’ve had the pleasure to know
D Dm And of the teachers that they love so
A And it’s time to go
D Bm
G A Their last box is neatly tucked inside their motorcars
D BM
D...See MoreD Bm
G A At Craneville School there are some teachers showing photographs
D Bm D7 Of all the kids they’ve had the pleasure to know
D Dm And of the teachers that they love so
A And it’s time to go
D Bm
G A Their last box is neatly tucked inside their motorcars
D BM
D7 The little children will soon leave for summer’s track
D Dm And though they’re trying not to look back
A G They feel, very strange, very strange.
C
F Craneville School is in our ears and in our eyes.
C F There beneath the blue Dalton skies
A I’ll miss those busy days.
D Bm G
A In the gym I hear the rhythm of the musicbox
D Bm D7 All the children romp around for exercise
D Dm Partner dancing is drawing nigh
A They know they have to try
D Bm G A By a classroom is a feeder for the animals
D BM D7 The little squirrels visit each and everyday
D Dm Bev teaches lessons as they play
A G There’s so much to say, everyday
C
F Craneville School is in our ears and in our eyes.
C F There beneath the blue Dalton skies
A I’ll miss the teacher’s room
D Bm G A In Kindergarten there is another shoe to tie
D Bm D7 The ABC’s and 1,2,3’s upon the board
D Dm Simple Paintings drying on the floor
A The ones we all adore
D Bm
G A The fifth graders try to learn through all their hullabaloo
D Bm
D7 Some spin yarns through the plays that they extend
D Dm Although emotions aren’t all their friends
A G It works out in the end. Thank you my friend
C
F Craneville School is in our ears and in our eyes.
C F There beneath the blue Dalton skies
A
I’ll visit and come back
D Bm
G A Of all the sights and sounds and wonders held within these walls
D Bm
D7 The plays and projects and the stories that unfold
D Dm
A You know it never will get too old when you come back again.
G Come back my friend
C
F Craneville School is in our ears and in our eyes. C F There beneath the blue Dalton skies
A Please visit and come back
D
G Craneville School is in our ears and in our eyes.
D G There beneath the blue …….Dalton skies…………..
D ……………….We’ll miss you
by Charles Goldstein
Jun 20, 2008
Check this out, The Baby Borrowers on NBC. Good education and entertaining for junior high and high school students. good movie day lesson plan for when you're tired or hungover. I'm totally kidding. No I'm not. Haha. Go here to see video clips,
[link removed]
WHY... Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead? Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? Why do they use ...See MoreWHY... Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead? Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you idiot?" Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? And my FAVORITE... The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
by Nancy Joyce
Jul 7, 2008
I am looking for aThanksgiving play to use with Kindergaten children
I am looking for a cartoon about kids going back to school. Also, I would like one for teachers having to go back to school.
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A: Kepler's name has 6 letters, and Galileo's 7.