Welcome Guest!
Teachers are welcome to read and post on Teachers.Net.
Login to access to these free features:
• Relaxed spam filters
• Post pics, links & comments
• Get notified of responses |
• Join teacher groups
• Apply to teacher jobs
• Post a resume |
Welcome Guest!
You must login to comment on posts.
Login to access to these free features:
• Relaxed spam filters
• Post links & upload pics
• Get notified of responses |
• Join teacher groups
• Apply to teacher jobs
• Post a resume |
Welcome Guest!
Your account must login to post.
Login to access to these free features:
• Relaxed spam filters
• Post, comment, & upload pics
• Get notified of responses |
• Join teacher groups
• Apply to teacher jobs
• Post a resume |
I need help! Our fabulous bookkeeper is leaving us this week due to her husband's job relocating. Need some funny top tens for bookkeeper for her farewell reception. Looking to do a funny top ten.
by Kevin Precious
Feb 11, 2013
UK-based teacher turned stand-up comedian... as well as touring a teacher-themed stand-up comedy around UK Arts Centres and Theatres, I'm creating a teacher-themed narrative on twitter; a fictional school full of dysfunctional but good-natured teachers... currently at the one-liner exposition stage. Go to favorites and read from bottom up...
I am collecting stories for a book I am compiling and am looking for stories from teachers. The stories should be humorous in nature and share an incident that personally happened to you in the classroom setting or with a specific student. Please send them to [email removed]
by Dana Dunnan
Nov 19, 2013
Not all meetings are soul-numbing, and faculty meetings could sometimes be interesting. But it didn’t help that they would come at the end of the day. Usually, they would be in the library, where the late day sun streaming in had a soporific effect on participants. As did the sonorous tones of most principals. Worse, they would sometimes want to ...See MoreNot all meetings are soul-numbing, and faculty meetings could sometimes be interesting. But it didn’t help that they would come at the end of the day. Usually, they would be in the library, where the late day sun streaming in had a soporific effect on participants. As did the sonorous tones of most principals. Worse, they would sometimes want to demonstrate that they had been to a conference, or actually done some professional reading. This would be readily evident once they used a “magic word”. These were buzzwords that were intended to show that they were very familiar with the cutting edge of educational innovation. To fully display their magic, these words would need to be repeated numerous times in the course of a single meeting. It became tradition to start counting number of usages in a meeting once any word was used more than once. There may have been some wagering involved. Richards, a former typing teacher who had worked his way into the principal’s position, had tended to obsess over the magic word “technology.” I remember sitting next to a young teacher who had just been told that he was being laid off. Richards commented on how unfortunate that staff would have to be reduced. But he brightened considerably when he described how the new copy machines we would be getting would be a huge step forward for the school. This was little consolation to the competent math teacher sitting next to me at the time, facing unemployment. Tony was a brilliant, intense English teacher. He also was more interesting than most of my colleagues. He would be the first male teacher at Masco to get an ear pierced, although he never drew any attention to it. He particularly avoided drawing attention to his interest in the paranormal. He shared with me, however, that he used to do hypnosis for MUFON, to gather information from people who might have been abducted by aliens. I was grateful that Tony was on the faculty, because he was very demanding of his students, which kept me from being a singular lightning rod. Tony would get to school before most of our colleagues, and buckle down to work at his desk. He was demanding of himself, as well as his students. Ironically, although Tony was willing to put in extra hours in the morning, the contractual end of the school day was sacred to him. Faculty meetings could drone on far past the contractually allowed time, but Tony would get up at the precise second and walk out. All of his colleagues were grateful for this, since it did serve as a signal to the principal that a torture session was over. This meant we could escape the long-winded laments of Alvin, the Social Studies teacher for whom whining was as autonomic as breathing. Alvin would stand up in the meetings and begin his recitation of a perceived injustice with a lengthy “Steeeeeeeeeeeeve……………..” We always hoped he would keel over from a lack of oxygen at that point, but he seemed to have some sort of rebreathing technique to sustain him. But I digress. So, one day, when Richards had been succeeded by Steve Jones as principal, we arrived before the meeting to see a workman leaving after having installed a new system intended to detect the theft of books, or magazines, or, once a year, the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated. (When they ran their first ever topless model, it was out the door in a nanosecond.) The head librarian at the time was young, and pretty hip. (At Masco, this was not a high bar to get over.) She proudly showed us how the bar inserted into a book could be demagnetized at checkout, and students would exit through a metal detector without setting off a shrieking alarm. Andy was probably the person who first saw the potential this represented. We hatched a plan, and the librarian gleefully agreed to participate. When Tony came in, the librarian indicated that she had some new books to show him. While she took him off into the stacks, Andy grabbed Tony’s briefcase and hid one of the new security rods within it. Then we sat back and waited. Word spread through the faculty as the meeting proceeded. One could tell someone had just received the word when an individual rose up out of their normal slouch, looked over at Tony and grinned broadly. Perhaps Alvin was not there, but as the contractual witching hour approached, the unexpected happened. It appeared that Steve was going to wind things up early, and let us leave well before the time when Tony would make his very public stage exit. Just as Steve was about to dismiss us, I leapt to my feet. “Steve, how can we interface the new technology with our curriculum?” As Steve began to launch into a stem-winding answer, sighs of relief were audible. Some may actually have been gasps at my having executed an elusive triple magic word score. Eyes shifted from the clock, to Tony, and back, again as the magic moment approached. On the second, Tony stood up. People moved to the edge of their seats as he approached the metal detector. Then he passed through it. And nothing happened. Steve looked puzzled as groans arose from all parts of the room. Tony looked back over his shoulder, equally puzzled, but never broke stride as he raced out the door. I turned to the head librarian, threw up my hands and exclaimed “Suppose he’d been a terrorist!” This time, colleagues followed Tony’s lead and got up and headed out the door, looking greatly disappointed. Faced with the exodus, Steve quickly wrapped things up and dismissed the meeting. Attendance was way up at the next faculty meeting. ________________________________________
This is an excerpt from Notes to a New Teacher, which is described extensively at [link removed]
by John E Hammond
Apr 9, 2014
hone rings at 5:45AM) Good morning Mr. H. Are you available to sub today? It would be at the Elementary Scool, for Mrs. C's 3rd grade class.
Ahh...well.... I usually work at the High School, but I'll give it a try.
(Bell rings at 8:00) OK.... everyone sit down please! I need to take attendance. Now, I seem to have misplaced my gla...See Morehone rings at 5:45AM) Good morning Mr. H. Are you available to sub today? It would be at the Elementary Scool, for Mrs. C's 3rd grade class.
Ahh...well.... I usually work at the High School, but I'll give it a try.
(Bell rings at 8:00) OK.... everyone sit down please! I need to take attendance. Now, I seem to have misplaced my glasses, so I may have difficulty with some of these names.... Let's see, the first one looks like it might be Middle Eastern.... Aund... Aundeye Harrdeye?
It's Andy Hardy. I'm right over here.
Oh... OK. This next one.... Me...Mil.... Mylai Massacre?
That's Millie MacAllister. Here.
Great.... thanks. Well, this next one looks Italian. I'm usually good with those. Ro.... Rosy Genitalia?
Rose Gentali!.... GenTALi!
Well, why don't we leave this for now, and move on to Storytime. (Students all sit on floor in front of teacher.) Now, from what I understand, you've been reading these historical picture books, from the "What if?.... Series" of childrens books, all written by various celebities. Let's see.... this one is called "What if the Pigrims had landed at Provincetown, instead of Plymouth", and it's by RuPaul.... who I think is some sort of singer.
(Teacher holds up first page for class to see, showing two Native Americans standing in a clearing.) "Look Scrotum! It's Myles Standish.... Jesus, he's gorgeous! "I'll say! I'd like to catch him in a loin-cloth on a windy day!
(to be continued)
Artist-illustrator Tim Newlin of TimTim.com (familiar to many readers of Teachers.Net Gazette for his quirky articles) is creating comics based upon famous quotations. Click below to check out the first of many we'll be sharing.
« prev page
Teacher Chatboards
