Intimidated by a child's parents.......Need advice!

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Primary Elementary Teachers Chatboard

Intimidated by a child's parents.......Need advice!

by TeachinNC

Mar 23, 2009

Earlier in the year I had a problem with a child's parents. They acted like rageaholics and had meltdowns on the phone with the guidance counselor and then later in a meeting with me and the principal. I had been telling them that their child had attention and focusing issues and they didn't listen to me instead saying that they took him to the doctor and the doctor said he was "bored". That closed the door on ADHD.

He's already repeated "K" and I teach first, so he won't retained. Today he did a terrible job with his 9 week's Reading test getting a 60%. I don't think he tried his best to be honest because he doesn't care. He put down answers that didn't make sense sometimes and didn't look answers up in the story booklet when I told the whole class that they could. Additionally, he got things wrong that we had reviewed just this morning!

I am sure that if he applied himself he could do a bit better, but education is probably not supported or made a priority at home...See MoreEarlier in the year I had a problem with a child's parents. They acted like rageaholics and had meltdowns on the phone with the guidance counselor and then later in a meeting with me and the principal. I had been telling them that their child had attention and focusing issues and they didn't listen to me instead saying that they took him to the doctor and the doctor said he was "bored". That closed the door on ADHD.

He's already repeated "K" and I teach first, so he won't retained. Today he did a terrible job with his 9 week's Reading test getting a 60%. I don't think he tried his best to be honest because he doesn't care. He put down answers that didn't make sense sometimes and didn't look answers up in the story booklet when I told the whole class that they could. Additionally, he got things wrong that we had reviewed just this morning!

I am sure that if he applied himself he could do a bit better, but education is probably not supported or made a priority at home. Additionally, he is about 4-6 months behind on his reading level because he was very behind at the beginning of the year and probably does very little at home (everytime I ask him if he read his basal story the night before, the answer is usually "no"). I was considering readministering a portion of the test with more one-on-one guidance because I believe he may have a disability (ADD or ADHD) that no one is willing to address. I was going to make a copy of the first test and then attach a copy of the second one and write a note to his mother telling her how I don't feel he performed up to his potential on the first test and had difficulty concentrating on it and how I tried to help him. My husband says I should not do that. He says that it isn't fair to the other children and that he won't get those kind of breaks in later grades.

Having a conference without an administrator is not a good idea at this point because she was seething hatred at the conference with the principal earlier in the year until the principal calmed her down. I am not willing to have one without one at this point. To show you the type of personalities I am dealing with: The other day her husband came to pick up the son and was cursing on a cell phone loudly in front of the kids waiting outside for pickups and another teacher complained to me about him (I was inside waiting for the parent and he said the "F" word very loudly in front of other students). This is the type of angry rageaholic/reactive people they are. Since our first conference went badly (that led to the meltdowns and the conference with the principal) I let her request a conference everytime conferences came up, and she hasn't. I don't ask her for one for obvious reasons. Please advise. What would you do?

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TeachinNC Yes, you are right. I learned this the hard way at the beginning of the year!

On 3/24/09, seh/1OK wrote: > Deb was right on target with her suggestions. I'd like to add that > besides meeting with the principal or counselor, and having all of your > documentation in order, please have several positive or good things to > say ab...See More

Mar 24, 2009

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Teach3 All the above advice was right on. If the parents are as angry or excitable as you say remember the child probably gets this same treatment at home for whatever he does. You may be the only one that truly is patient and calm. I know this is a tough situation and tough on you. Do your best for the child.

Mar 25, 2009

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Gracie On 3/25/09, Teach3 wrote: > All the above advice was right on. If the parents are > as angry or excitable > as you say remember the child probably gets this same > treatment at home for whatever he does. You may be the > only one that truly is patient and calm. I know this is > a tough situation and tough on you. Do your best for ...See More

Mar 25, 2009

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deb I follow the idea of 6 positives for 1 negative. I thought I was communicating that. Instead of saying your son is unable to complete work in a whole group, I thought I was communicating that you would phrase it positively:

This was done 10/10 one on one. This was done 7 / 10 in a small group. This was 1/10 in a large group. He completes h...See More

Mar 26, 2009

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Jumping in late -- ncteach TeachinNC, hope you don't mind -- ncteach has been my handle for several years, although I haven't posted on the primary chatboard in quite a while!)

One thing I found useful in parent conferences were graphs I made showing reading (DRA), math, writing, and AR progress. They showed each child's current level (identified by number, which ch...See MoreTeachinNC, hope you don't mind -- ncteach has been my handle for several years, although I haven't posted on the primary chatboard in quite a while!)

One thing I found useful in parent conferences were graphs I made showing reading (DRA), math, writing, and AR progress. They showed each child's current level (identified by number, which changed from graph to graph, depending on how they did) compared to the expected level for that time of year. Each successive graph showed the growth of each student compared to their previous scores. The children were listed in order on each graph and highlighted for each particular child when I sent them home in report cards.

Once I set up the form on the computer, it didn't take too long to fill them in, and was well worth the time when I could show parents how their child's progress compared to where they should be and to the rest of the class. Each graph explained how the data was gathered and included a note saying "if your child's progress is significantly below expected levels he or she may be at risk for retention" so that parents would be aware from the beginning.

This may not help with the anger issue, but it is an easy way to show documentation as far as academic progress. "This is where your child scored compared to the rest of the class on XYZ assessment and this is where we expect students to be at this time of year."

I always praise any progress that has been made (no matter how small) and emphasize that students come at the beginning of the year on a wide range of levels. But I also say that these are the students your child will be going through school with and with whom they will be compared.

If the classwork shows a higher level of work, then that's a good sign -- praise that, but empahsize that in the upper grades, how the student does on the day of the test will be important. If the classwork shows a lower level of work, that is evidence that he or she is not working up to potential or that he/she may need more of a challenge.

On 3/23/09, TeachinNC wrote: > Earlier in the year I had a problem with a child's > parents. They acted like rageaholics and had meltdowns on > the phone with the guidance counselor and then later in a > meeting with me and the principal. I had been telling them > that their child had attention and focusing issues and > they didn't listen to me instead saying that they took him > to the doctor and the doctor said he was "bored". That > closed the door on ADHD. > > He's already repeated "K" and I teach first, so he won't > retained. Today he did a terrible job with his 9 week's > Reading test getting a 60%. I don't think he tried his > best to be honest because he doesn't care. He put down > answers that didn't make sense sometimes and didn't look > answers up in the story booklet when I told the whole > class that they could. Additionally, he got things wrong > that we had reviewed just this morning! > > I am sure that if he applied himself he could do a bit > better, but education is probably not supported or made a > priority at home. Additionally, he is about 4-6 months > behind on his reading level because he was very behind at > the beginning of the year and probably does very little at > home (everytime I ask him if he read his basal story the > night before, the answer is usually "no"). I was > considering readministering a portion of the test with > more one-on-one guidance because I believe he may have a > disability (ADD or ADHD) that no one is willing to > address. I was going to make a copy of the first test and > then attach a copy of the second one and write a note to > his mother telling her how I don't feel he performed up to > his potential on the first test and had difficulty > concentrating on it and how I tried to help him. My > husband says I should not do that. He says that it isn't > fair to the other children and that he won't get those > kind of breaks in later grades. > > Having a conference without an administrator is not a good > idea at this point because she was seething hatred at the > conference with the principal earlier in the year until > the principal calmed her down. I am not willing to have > one without one at this point. To show you the type of > personalities I am dealing with: The other day her husband > came to pick up the son and was cursing on a cell phone > loudly in front of the kids waiting outside for pickups > and another teacher complained to me about him (I was > inside waiting for the parent and he said the "F" word > very loudly in front of other students). This is the type > of angry rageaholic/reactive people they are. Since our > first conference went badly (that led to the meltdowns and > the conference with the principal) I let her request a > conference everytime conferences came up, and she hasn't. > I don't ask her for one for obvious reasons. Please > advise. What would you do?

Mar 27, 2009

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