Help with behavior management issues, please!

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Help with behavior management issues, please!

by judy5ca

Mar 1, 2011

1. During music (I was not there), one of my boys was swinging his arms (not part of music class) and hit another boy in the mouth with a clenched fist. I'm sure it was unintentional, but the principal's response was to say that it was an accident and the arm-swinger should be provided more personal space. 2. One of my boys said "F.U." to another boy because a third boy told him to. The principal talked to him and said he cried so he had learned from the experience.

Do you think these situations were handled well?

Thanks, Judy

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judy5ca Well said, I see why you saved it. Now it becomes one more thing I'd like to emulate. Thanks, Judy

On 3/06/11, Jan wrote: > Here's the post by another teacher on apologies. I thought she said > it so well that I saved it > > > > Re: Having a child say "I'm sorry"... Posted by Angie K/IA on > 9/16/00 > > One of my...See MoreWell said, I see why you saved it. Now it becomes one more thing I'd like to emulate. Thanks, Judy

On 3/06/11, Jan wrote: > Here's the post by another teacher on apologies. I thought she said > it so well that I saved it > > > > Re: Having a child say "I'm sorry"... Posted by Angie K/IA on > 9/16/00 > > One of my pet peeves in life is when adults say to a child "Say > you're sorry". > > Feeling sorry, (or remorse or regret) is an emotional response, just > like feeling happy, feeling angry, feeling frustrated.... We would > never say to a child "Say you are happy" even when it is obvious the > child is not happy, would we? Besides teaching them to lie, I think it > confuses children about what their own feelings and emotions are. > What I do is talk to the child about ways we could "make him/her feel > better". For example, "Joey, can you tell John how that made you feel > when he knocked down your building...Joey is feeling sad because you > knocked down his block building...what can you do to help John feel > better?" That MAY involve an apology (if the child does feel sorry) > or it may involve helping Joey build his block building back > up....whatever it involves, we talk about it, and I stress > communication between the two. > > I of course MODEL politeness, and may say to a child that I apologize > for something I did, or even for something another child did. i.e. > "I'm so sorry that your block building was ruined. I know how hard > you worked on that." Does that make sense? Just my opinion. > > > > > > On 3/06/11, judy5ca wrote: >> On 3/06/11, Jan wrote: >> >>> Just my opinion.....no more talk on my part of this issue. It >>> is just one that hits a sensitive spot with me which is why I >>> responded in the first place. >> >> >> Jan, I don't know why you say this. When I posted my misgivings, I >> really wanted your opinion. I know this is one of your areas of >> expertise and I wanted to hear your thoughts. >> >> I posted because I am honestly trying to understand my principal's >> actions. I feel this way because I usually respect her thinking. >> She was very unhappy with me because I wasn't sure that discussion >> was a consequence. You explain it much more clearly than she did. >> I see the point. I'm not sure I completely agree (because, of >> course, in the interest of brevity there are things I didn't >> relate), but I'm certainly willing, as I told my principal, to >> accept whatever she does because it was her problem and not mine. >> >> I like apologies but I never force them. I tell kids that >> occasionally feeling rueful (NOT guilty) for our actions can be >> courteous. In fact, I've been severely criticized by other teachers >> because I don't have consequences other than discussion and >> apologies. Most kids will naturally apologize immediately (I'll bet >> the armswinger apologized before his arms had returned to his >> side--but I'm not sure that makes it okay for him to be swinging his >> arms when he's supposed to be participating in a class). I guess >> I'm not following your writing. Are you saying that encouraging >> (not forcing) an apology is wrong? >> >> Judy

Mar 6, 2011

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dc Jan, I definitely see your points about "beating a dead horse" with children and consequences. Your points are valid. I'm sure I responded without carefully understanding the unique and individual situation of both of those boys and their offenses. I could tell that Judy felt "not supported" by the principal and perhaps that is the result of her kn...See More

Mar 6, 2011

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Jan On 3/06/11, dc wrote: > Jan, I definitely see your points about "beating a dead horse" > with children and consequences. Your points are valid. I'm > sure I responded without carefully understanding the unique and > individual situation of both of those boys and their offenses. > I could tell that Judy felt "not supported" by the pri...See More

Mar 6, 2011

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judy5ca Oh, no, just when I think I'm figuring out how to be humane in this situation, you add info dependent on something I didn't share: armswinger is one of the biggest all-time behavior problems in the history of my school. I have come to love him, but he is the most disruptive student I've ever had. He was out for 3 days last week and the tone in my c...See MoreOh, no, just when I think I'm figuring out how to be humane in this situation, you add info dependent on something I didn't share: armswinger is one of the biggest all-time behavior problems in the history of my school. I have come to love him, but he is the most disruptive student I've ever had. He was out for 3 days last week and the tone in my class was relaxed, calm, easy-going; I promise you this is a huge change from our normal tension. This kid is one who makes adults roll their eyes. In fact, the janitor and lunch ladies came to see me to let me know that the whole cafeteria was a much-improved place at lunchtime due to armswinger's absence last week. I'm still glad I didn't let on because I learned a lot from our discussion. I only tell you this now because you might want to know. Judy P.S. Whenever I let armswinger off the hook (or try to be understanding of the fact that his mother, a drug addict, is not in the picture), I am roundly criticized by my colleagues for being too "easy" on him. Imagine my shock when some of you perceived I was too tough. LOLOLOL P.P.S. Armswinger will be gone another week. As I said, I love him, but never have I been so happy to fill out an independent study contract.

On 3/06/11, Jan wrote: > On 3/06/11, dc wrote: >> Jan, I definitely see your points about "beating a dead horse" >> with children and consequences. Your points are valid. I'm >> sure I responded without carefully understanding the unique and >> individual situation of both of those boys and their offenses. >> I could tell that Judy felt "not supported" by the principal >> and perhaps that is the result of her knowledge of those two >> children and their prior offenses and impulses. You make very >> good points about sometimes the "visit" to the principal is >> just consequence enough! I know if my own kids had had >> to "visit" the principal, they probably would have peed their >> pants! > > You are very right that Judy's knowledge of the history of the boys > makes a difference....and we didn't have that. What we do in terms > of management is very dependent on history. A first offense is > handled very differently that a third or fourth offense....or even > a second offense for that matter.

Mar 6, 2011

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cavey See, I knew there was more to the story! Bless his little armswinging heart!

On 3/06/11, judy5ca wrote: > Oh, no, just when I think I'm figuring out how to be humane in this > situation, you add info dependent on something I didn't share: > armswinger is one of the biggest all-time behavior problems in the > history of my schoo...See MoreSee, I knew there was more to the story! Bless his little armswinging heart!

On 3/06/11, judy5ca wrote: > Oh, no, just when I think I'm figuring out how to be humane in this > situation, you add info dependent on something I didn't share: > armswinger is one of the biggest all-time behavior problems in the > history of my school. I have come to love him, but he is the most > disruptive student I've ever had. He was out for 3 days last week and > the tone in my class was relaxed, calm, easy-going; I promise you this > is a huge change from our normal tension. This kid is one who makes > adults roll their eyes. In fact, the janitor and lunch ladies came to > see me to let me know that the whole cafeteria was a much-improved > place at lunchtime due to armswinger's absence last week. I'm still > glad I didn't let on because I learned a lot from our discussion. I > only tell you this now because you might want to know. > Judy > P.S. Whenever I let armswinger off the hook (or try to be understanding > of the fact that his mother, a drug addict, is not in the picture), I > am roundly criticized by my colleagues for being too "easy" on him. > Imagine my shock when some of you perceived I was too tough. LOLOLOL > P.P.S. Armswinger will be gone another week. As I said, I love him, > but never have I been so happy to fill out an independent study contract. > > > > > > On 3/06/11, Jan wrote: >> On 3/06/11, dc wrote: >>> Jan, I definitely see your points about "beating a dead horse" >>> with children and consequences. Your points are valid. I'm >>> sure I responded without carefully understanding the unique and >>> individual situation of both of those boys and their offenses. >>> I could tell that Judy felt "not supported" by the principal >>> and perhaps that is the result of her knowledge of those two >>> children and their prior offenses and impulses. You make very >>> good points about sometimes the "visit" to the principal is >>> just consequence enough! I know if my own kids had had >>> to "visit" the principal, they probably would have peed their >>> pants! >> >> You are very right that Judy's knowledge of the history of the boys >> makes a difference....and we didn't have that. What we do in terms >> of management is very dependent on history. A first offense is >> handled very differently that a third or fourth offense....or even >> a second offense for that matter.

Mar 6, 2011

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