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Hello,

Would someone be so kind to tell me if the following sentence is correct:

Five year old Hilary lost her father, the only person she could depend on, in an office building crash and blames her dad’s Jewish boss for it, because of this she develops a profound hatred towards Jews over the years, but then, ironically, after a motorcycle accident, she wakes up in a Jewish hospital and slips off into a turbulent coma where she becomes Chana, a Jewish girl experiencing the horrors of WWII, once she fully wakes from the coma back as Hilary, she’s a completely changed person
No, it is a run on sentence. nfm On 12/31/10, Mehdi wrote: > Hello, > > Would someone be so kind to tell me if the following > sentence is correct: > > Five year old Hilary lost her father, the only person she > could depend on, in an office building crash and blames her > dad’s Jewish boss for it, because of this she develops a > profound hatred towar...See More
Dec 31, 2010
Edited At five years old, Hilary lost her father, the only person she could depend on, in an office building crash and blamed her dad’s Jewish boss for it. Because of this, she developed a profound hatred towards Jews over the years. Then, ironically, after a motorcycle accident, she was brought to a Jewish hospital where she slipped off into a turbulen...See More
Dec 31, 2010
Mehdi On 12/31/10, Edited wrote: > At five years old, Hilary lost her father, the only person she > could depend on, in an office building crash and blamed her > dad’s Jewish boss for it. Because of this, she developed a > profound hatred towards Jews over the years. Then, > ironically, after a motorcycle accident, she was brought to a &...See More
Jan 1, 2011
Still have problems with agreement. Correct tense in your last sentence. Also, first sentence is still too long. Better to make that two sentences. This sentence, "Because of this, she developed a profound hatred towards Jews over the years..." Did she develop a hatred of Jews over a period of time, or was it the one instance? That sentence is confusing.

On ...See More
Jan 2, 2011


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