Cover Letter Help!

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Cover Letter Help!

by MSteach

Mar 7, 2010

Can anyone provide some constructive feedback on my cover letter? This is my first time applying for teaching jobs. I have had some friends look at it but they are all poli-sci majors and I'd like feedback from some fellow educators. THANKS

*cover letter* Mary Simpson 7680 Thacher Dr Toano, VA 23168

March 5, 2009

To Whom It May Concern,

I am very interested in applying for the elementary teaching position within the Matthews County School system. I have recently obtained a Vermont teaching license from Saint Michael’s College and am in the process of completing my M.ed. in elementary education with a reading concentration. I have also started the process to obtain my Virginia elementary teaching license by June 2010 so I can teach in my home state.

I am a teacher because I am passionate about helping students become life long learners. This past fall I had the opportunity to illustrate this passion when I interned in a multiage 3rd/4th gra...See MoreCan anyone provide some constructive feedback on my cover letter? This is my first time applying for teaching jobs. I have had some friends look at it but they are all poli-sci majors and I'd like feedback from some fellow educators. THANKS

*cover letter* Mary Simpson 7680 Thacher Dr Toano, VA 23168

March 5, 2009

To Whom It May Concern,

I am very interested in applying for the elementary teaching position within the Matthews County School system. I have recently obtained a Vermont teaching license from Saint Michael’s College and am in the process of completing my M.ed. in elementary education with a reading concentration. I have also started the process to obtain my Virginia elementary teaching license by June 2010 so I can teach in my home state.

I am a teacher because I am passionate about helping students become life long learners. This past fall I had the opportunity to illustrate this passion when I interned in a multiage 3rd/4th grade classroom at Allen Brook Elementary in Williston, VT. During this experience I was able to use my strong academic background in education, and creative talents to develop an integrated standards based social studies and literacy unit and other lessons that engaged students in hands on learning. I particularly chose to focus on using maniplatives, art and technology in any lesson I could to accommodate the multiple intelligences of all my students.

I am very interested in a position in your school district because I feel I can provide students with a learning experience that is meaningful to their lives. I believe I can create a learning environment that can achieve this by the enthusiasm I illustrate for being a teacher and the genuine interest I take in each individual student. In addition, by also using responsive classroom methods and making the commitment to seeking out any resource that will help me fulfill each student’s needs and my creative approach to innovative lessons that engage all learners.

Please refer to the completed application I have enclosed that includes my resume and references. I look forward to meeting with you at your earliest convenience to discuss how I can make a positive contribution as a teacher within the Matthews County School system. Thank you in advance for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Mary E. Simpson

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Old teach Oops! Forgot one important thing- In the first sentence, substitute "any" for "the". That way, your letter can be kept on file for future positions.

On 3/07/10, Old Teach wrote: > OK- First of all, I have been on many hiring committees and > read hundreds of applications, so I feel confident in > commenting on yours. The suggesti...See MoreOops! Forgot one important thing- In the first sentence, substitute "any" for "the". That way, your letter can be kept on file for future positions.

On 3/07/10, Old Teach wrote: > OK- First of all, I have been on many hiring committees and > read hundreds of applications, so I feel confident in > commenting on yours. The suggestions I have made here are not > criticisms, but only serve to make your letter better. When > writing a cover letter, remember, KISS- Keep It Simple, > Stupid!" In other words, this is a cover letter, not the > application itself or your resume. >> >> March 5, 2009 >> >> To Whom It May Concern, >> >> I am very interested in applying for the elementary >> teaching position within the Matthews County School system. >> I have recently obtained a Vermont teaching license from >> Saint Michael’s College and am in the process of completing >> my M.ed. in elementary education with a reading >> concentration. I have also started the process to obtain my >> Virginia elementary teaching license by June 2010 so I can >> teach in my home state. > > 1. Substitute "in" for "within". 2. You did not obtain a > teaching license from a college. You obtained it from the > State of Vermont. Say that, followed by something like, "I > received my BS in Elementary Education ( or whatever your > degree was) from St, Michael's College in _____, Vermont. I > am currently enrolled in an M.Ed program at that same > institution, with a concentration in Reading. 3. Instead of > that part about Virginia, which is a bit confusing, say, "I am > in the process of obtaining my teaching certification in the > State of Virginia, as it is my desire to return to my home > state. I expect to have that certification by June, 2010." >> >> I am a teacher because I am passionate about helping >> students become life long learners. This past fall I had the >> opportunity to illustrate this passion when I interned in a >> multiage 3rd/4th grade classroom at Allen Brook Elementary >> in Williston, VT. During this experience I was able to use >> my strong academic background in education, and creative >> talents to develop an integrated standards based social >> studies and literacy unit and other lessons that engaged >> students in hands on learning. I particularly chose to focus >> on using maniplatives, art and technology in any lesson I >> could to accommodate the multiple intelligences of all my >> students. > > 1. Strike "I am" for "I became". 2. You don't "illustrate" a > passion. This whole sentence seems a bit , well, egotistical. > Instead, "I had the opportunity to intern in..." 3. Leave > out the word "academic". > > >> >> I am very interested in a position in your school district >> because I feel I can provide students with a learning >> experience that is meaningful to their lives. I believe I >> can create a learning environment that can achieve this by >> the enthusiasm I illustrate for being a teacher and the >> genuine interest I take in each individual student. In >> addition, by also using responsive classroom methods and >> making the commitment to seeking out any resource that will >> help me fulfill each student’s needs and my creative >> approach to innovative lessons that engage all learners. > > 1. Again, "meaningful to their lives" is a bit over the top. > Instead, say, "meaningful learning experiences". 2. You want > to tell your prospective school system what you can offer them > but you also want them to feel that they are a potentially > good employer for you. In the beginning of the paragraph, > after "because", say something like, " I have heard many > positive things about your district and feel i would be a good > fit there."Then stick with the rest of your paragraph. > > > >> Please refer to the completed application I have enclosed >> that includes my resume and references. I look forward to >> meeting with you at your earliest convenience to discuss how >> I can make a positive contribution as a teacher within the >> Matthews County School system. Thank you in advance for your >> time and consideration. > > >> >> Sincerely, >> >> >> >> Mary E. Simpson > Best of luck!

Mar 7, 2010

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MSteach THANK YOU Old Teach!!!!! Your suggestions are very very helpful!!

On 3/07/10, Old teach wrote: > > > Oops! Forgot one important thing- In the first sentence, > substitute "any" for "the". That way, your letter can be kept on > file for future positions. > > On 3/07/10, Old Teach wrote: >> OK- First of all, I have...See MoreTHANK YOU Old Teach!!!!! Your suggestions are very very helpful!!

On 3/07/10, Old teach wrote: > > > Oops! Forgot one important thing- In the first sentence, > substitute "any" for "the". That way, your letter can be kept on > file for future positions. > > On 3/07/10, Old Teach wrote: >> OK- First of all, I have been on many hiring committees and >> read hundreds of applications, so I feel confident in >> commenting on yours. The suggestions I have made here are not >> criticisms, but only serve to make your letter better. When >> writing a cover letter, remember, KISS- Keep It Simple, >> Stupid!" In other words, this is a cover letter, not the >> application itself or your resume. >>> >>> March 5, 2009 >>> >>> To Whom It May Concern, >>> >>> I am very interested in applying for the elementary >>> teaching position within the Matthews County School system. >>> I have recently obtained a Vermont teaching license from >>> Saint Michael’s College and am in the process of completing >>> my M.ed. in elementary education with a reading >>> concentration. I have also started the process to obtain my >>> Virginia elementary teaching license by June 2010 so I can >>> teach in my home state. >> >> 1. Substitute "in" for "within". 2. You did not obtain a >> teaching license from a college. You obtained it from the >> State of Vermont. Say that, followed by something like, "I >> received my BS in Elementary Education ( or whatever your >> degree was) from St, Michael's College in _____, Vermont. I >> am currently enrolled in an M.Ed program at that same >> institution, with a concentration in Reading. 3. Instead of >> that part about Virginia, which is a bit confusing, say, "I am >> in the process of obtaining my teaching certification in the >> State of Virginia, as it is my desire to return to my home >> state. I expect to have that certification by June, 2010." >>> >>> I am a teacher because I am passionate about helping >>> students become life long learners. This past fall I had the >>> opportunity to illustrate this passion when I interned in a >>> multiage 3rd/4th grade classroom at Allen Brook Elementary >>> in Williston, VT. During this experience I was able to use >>> my strong academic background in education, and creative >>> talents to develop an integrated standards based social >>> studies and literacy unit and other lessons that engaged >>> students in hands on learning. I particularly chose to focus >>> on using maniplatives, art and technology in any lesson I >>> could to accommodate the multiple intelligences of all my >>> students. >> >> 1. Strike "I am" for "I became". 2. You don't "illustrate" a >> passion. This whole sentence seems a bit , well, egotistical. >> Instead, "I had the opportunity to intern in..." 3. Leave >> out the word "academic". >> >> >>> >>> I am very interested in a position in your school district >>> because I feel I can provide students with a learning >>> experience that is meaningful to their lives. I believe I >>> can create a learning environment that can achieve this by >>> the enthusiasm I illustrate for being a teacher and the >>> genuine interest I take in each individual student. In >>> addition, by also using responsive classroom methods and >>> making the commitment to seeking out any resource that will >>> help me fulfill each student’s needs and my creative >>> approach to innovative lessons that engage all learners. >> >> 1. Again, "meaningful to their lives" is a bit over the top. >> Instead, say, "meaningful learning experiences". 2. You want >> to tell your prospective school system what you can offer them >> but you also want them to feel that they are a potentially >> good employer for you. In the beginning of the paragraph, >> after "because", say something like, " I have heard many >> positive things about your district and feel i would be a good >> fit there."Then stick with the rest of your paragraph. >> >> >> >>> Please refer to the completed application I have enclosed >>> that includes my resume and references. I look forward to >>> meeting with you at your earliest convenience to discuss how >>> I can make a positive contribution as a teacher within the >>> Matthews County School system. Thank you in advance for your >>> time and consideration. >> >> >>> >>> Sincerely, >>> >>> >>> >>> Mary E. Simpson >> Best of luck!

Mar 7, 2010

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Sara *cover letter* > Mary Simpson > 7680 Thacher Dr > Toano, VA 23168 > > March 5, 2009 > (try Hard to find the person's name - 'to whom it may concern' is not good. "Dear Sir/Madam is somewhat better. > > I am very interested in applying for the elementary > teaching position within the Matthews County School system. > I...See More*cover letter* > Mary Simpson > 7680 Thacher Dr > Toano, VA 23168 > > March 5, 2009 > (try Hard to find the person's name - 'to whom it may concern' is not good. "Dear Sir/Madam is somewhat better. > > I am very interested in applying for the elementary > teaching position within the Matthews County School system. > I recently obtained my Vermont teaching license from > Saint Michael’s College and am currently in the process of completing (are you near to completion? if not, say acquiring) > my M.ed. in elementary education with a concentration in reading. I have also applied for my > Virginia elementary teaching license and should have in hand by June 2010. > > I became a teacher because I am both passionate about children and about learning. Teaching allowed me the wonderful opportunity of combining my two interests. This past fall I had the > opportunity of internin in a > multiage 3rd/4th grade classroom at Allen Brook Elementary > in Williston, VT. I was there able to put my education into practice along with my creative talents and developed an integrated standards based social studies and literacy unit as well as several other lessons noted for their hands-on quality. I have a particular strength in planning lessons around a compelling use of manipulatives, art and technology that works well to accomodate the many different learning needs found in the classroom. > > >I feel I can provide students with a positive classroom and a strong learning > experience that will serve them well in the school year and in the years thereafter. I bring great enthusiasm to the classroom and take genuine interest in each individual student. I go the extra mile to seek out appropriate resources that will help me to help each student to reach their potential and work every day to provide innovative lessons that will engage not just a few students but all of my students.

I have enclosed my application for your attention as well as my resume and references. I would look forward to > meeting with you to discuss this exciting opportunity to teach within the Matthews County School system. With thanks,

>

> > > > Mary E. Simpson > > > >

Mar 8, 2010

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Leah I am not an expert, but I would try to use "I" less

Mar 10, 2010

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Another Job Seeker On 3/10/10, Leah wrote: > I am not an expert, but I would try to use "I" less

I agree. I recently went to a job fair and when I handed an interviewer my cover letter he looked over it briefly and the first thing he said was that "I" should not be used if possible, especially as the first word.

Apr 1, 2010

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