Amazing Psychic Predictions About Education For 2009

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Amazing Psychic Predictions About Education For 2009

by Ken Mylott

Jan 6, 2009

Ken Mylott's Amazing Psychic Predictions About Education For 2009

Once again, it's time for me to look into my crystal ball and see what the future holds for education in the coming year. Please keep in mind that my past predictions have been proven to be "99% accurate" whenever they came true.

1) In a startling discovery later this year, a major scientific study will conclude that there is a "significant" correlation between academic success in high school and regular school attendance, doing homework, studying, and parental involvement in a teenager's life. "And I thought that my kid was failing because his teachers didn't like him since he got those tattoos and face piercings," one parent exclaimed in shock when she heard the study results.

2) A school district somewhere in the United States will announce that none of the tax money that was set aside for the school system has "disappeared, been misplaced, or mismanaged. "That's right," the district supe...See MoreKen Mylott's Amazing Psychic Predictions About Education For 2009

Once again, it's time for me to look into my crystal ball and see what the future holds for education in the coming year. Please keep in mind that my past predictions have been proven to be "99% accurate" whenever they came true.

1) In a startling discovery later this year, a major scientific study will conclude that there is a "significant" correlation between academic success in high school and regular school attendance, doing homework, studying, and parental involvement in a teenager's life. "And I thought that my kid was failing because his teachers didn't like him since he got those tattoos and face piercings," one parent exclaimed in shock when she heard the study results.

2) A school district somewhere in the United States will announce that none of the tax money that was set aside for the school system has "disappeared, been misplaced, or mismanaged. "That's right," the district supervisor will state, "every penny of tax money that was supposed to go to educating our students actually ended up doing so. We think it's a miracle."

3) A teacher's union will refuse to defend the cause of an incompetent teacher. "Usually, we go to bat for every teacher who pays their dues but this one was so dreadful that even we couldn't do it with a clear conscience," the union spokesperson will explain. "I'm in a twelve step program and if I went along with this, it would have eaten me up so badly that my sobriety would have been at risk."

3) In a sudden and massive reversal of cultural tastes, teenagers all across the USA will decide that they have had enough of gangster rap music and stop buying it, putting all of the singers out of business. "We just got tired of it. Now we're all trying to live productive, positive, law abiding lives and take our education seriously. We have no interest in negative, anti-social messages; that is so old fashioned. We're all into setting goals and working toward them now," one teenager in a poodle skirt will explain. There will be an explosion in sales of music by the Carpenters, ABBA, and Pat Boone.

4) In a surprising move, an individual without any management, leadership, communication or people skills will be appointed to become the administrator of a public school in the United States. Teachers at the school will be bewildered by this appointment. "We're so used to having intelligent, inspiring, highly competent, and articulate people in administration that we're all thrown by this and aren't quite sure how we are supposed to respond," one faculty member will confess in an interview. "Some of us are still clinging to the hope that this is some sort of sick practical joke and that we'll get a real administrator soon," another teacher added.

5) In order to combat the childhood obesity epidemic, schools across the nation will shut down their cafeterias and eliminate lunch recess. "Most of these kids get enough calories at breakfast alone to feed the entire Chinese Army," one school nutritionist will explain. "Fasting all day at school will be good for them." In addition, all school water fountains will be shut off in order to cut down on the need for bathroom passes. Vacant school cafeterias will be leased out to Starbucks Coffee so that teachers will finally be able to get a decent cup of coffee at school.

6) The President of the United States will be wildly praised by educators when he signs a bill providing an additional 50 million dollars in funding for each and every school in the nation. Later this year, it will be quietly revealed that the bill will be funded by subjecting teacher salaries to an 80% tax hike.

This is copyrighted material 2009 by Ken Mylott. You may freely pass it along by email or use it in an in-school publication. For other uses, contact me.

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