Angry/difficult parents and meeting

Join Teachers.Net

Chatboards

Recent Groups

Master Teachers

MEMBERS

3 Members

+ Join Group

Pinned Posts

ALLAll Teachers

Teachers.Net LIVE CHAT Support group - Tues eve!

Featured Jobs

Full-timeMontessori Teacher

Maple Ridge, British Columbia, Canada

TemporaryTeachers, rural schools

Peace River North School District

Full-timeHead Teacher: 2nd/3rd Grades – Mills College Children’s School

Mills College

Teaching Jobs on Teachers.Net

Featured Job special only $39!

https://teachers.net/jobs

Become a Teachers.Net sponsor!

Master Teachers Chatboard

Angry/difficult parents and meeting

by teachinNC

Nov 22, 2008

I have had a very difficult year with a few parents this year. I have had a lower/challenging class and I have noticed that some teachers have an easier time making parents like them or at least not making them dislike/making them mad. Do any of you veteran (or other) teachers have any tips you have learned over the years about how to handle parents, esp. of low children? I notice that if the child is doing well then the parent likes/loves me. If the child is a struggler/low student sometimes the parent lashes out/dislikes/wants to blame me. I did not have a good mentor at all for my first year of teaching. My principal just explained to me this year not to mention the word retention at all in at-risk and other parent meetings. No one, not even my teacher education program had ever taught that to me.

Yesterday I had a difficult angry parent meeting with the parents and my principal (who is wonderful/backs her teachers 100% thank-goodness). of a boy who ended up as a 1/2 runni...See MoreI have had a very difficult year with a few parents this year. I have had a lower/challenging class and I have noticed that some teachers have an easier time making parents like them or at least not making them dislike/making them mad. Do any of you veteran (or other) teachers have any tips you have learned over the years about how to handle parents, esp. of low children? I notice that if the child is doing well then the parent likes/loves me. If the child is a struggler/low student sometimes the parent lashes out/dislikes/wants to blame me. I did not have a good mentor at all for my first year of teaching. My principal just explained to me this year not to mention the word retention at all in at-risk and other parent meetings. No one, not even my teacher education program had ever taught that to me.

Yesterday I had a difficult angry parent meeting with the parents and my principal (who is wonderful/backs her teachers 100% thank-goodness). of a boy who ended up as a 1/2 running record last year. (I teach 1st grade). The mother seemed to hate me to start off with. She was seething venom. She wouldn't even make eye contact with me. Part of it stemmed from a meeting 6 weeks into the school year in which I told her her child was 2 reading levels behind and might have to be retained. She suggested a tutor and I told her a tutor was no guarantee (meaning we would have to have him reading a lot, staying in Title I, etc.), but I offered to get her some names in case she wanted to try and I did. She turned that around to say that I said nothing would help him, not even a tutor. When I realized my mistake about him being retained and that he would not be retained no matter what because examining his file more closely I realized he had already been retained in another state and finished part of his second year with us, so our policy is to not retain again until the 3rd or 4th grades. I called her to tell her that and calm her down (she had had a meltdown and called the guidance counselor and talked her ear off after our first PT meeting). She said she felt I had washed my hands of him after 6 weeks of school. She threw that in my face at the meeting with the principal even though I had explained that to her already--she was obviously out to get/wound me/make me look bad in front of my boss. I am trying to be nice to her and forgive her even though she complained to the principal about me. When we had our meeting I took responsibility for my error/apologized to her that we had gotten off on the wrong foot and did point out that I stayed on a Friday night at 5:00 PM to call her up and let her know that no matter what--he would not be retained and that we would do everything we could to catch him up. Now I am walking on eggshells and hope I never see the woman ever again as long as I live.

I am hoping next year that I can do better at getting along with parents of academically low students. It is Saturday and I have also felt very depressed about all of this, feel the woman made me look bad in front of my principal and wonder if I will get re-contracted next year since there are budget cuts (my state has a 15% budget shortfall and I am not tenure yet.) Any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated, I feel somewhat down and defeated as there have been other other unfair things done to me by parents this year that have nothing to do with this situation: For example: On the first day of school I had a parent try to talk to me while I was helping 6 other children put supplies up and the rest of the children were waiting on me--it was a stressful time. I met her child and spoke to her for a few moments. The child had a happy first day but at the end of the day the parent asked the principal if she could have a different teacher. She didn't feel I would be "loving enough" for her daughter. The principal said the child's kindergarten teacher felt I would be great and refused to move her. Mom got stubborn and left one child at the school and put that child in a different county because mom and dad were separated due to a divorce. This is an example of the kind of upsetting things that have been happening this year with parents. Another parent who is white trashy--a moocher who lives off of different relatives until the get tired of her told the principal that she didn't want her child in my class because a parent of a boy told her I have reading contest where children are expected to read 5 books a night (a lie) and that she didn't want to do any extra reading like that (He does no reading at home beyond maybe his basal sometimes.) This was also a few days into the school year). This is another child who had previously been retained. The principal reassured her and got a copy of my homework sheet which was like everyone else's and the boy stayed in my class. I am starting to wonder if this is normal (nasty, nasty complaining parents) or God wants me to quit teaching?!!!! No wonder people leave this profession after the first 3-5 years! My husband would love it if I would quit but I don't think it would be financially responsible to do so, plus I like teaching most of the time.

Comment

(16)

report post

view previous comments

Ellie Mae I am very sorry that you have had this bad expericience. Unfortantly, moments like that sometimes are part of our job. I'd like to address a few things you said.

1) Concerning your lack of a mentor. Everyone needs someone. I had a poor mentor my first year. Several times she came to me. I found myself an "unoffical mentor". This woman is ...See MoreI am very sorry that you have had this bad expericience. Unfortantly, moments like that sometimes are part of our job. I'd like to address a few things you said.

1) Concerning your lack of a mentor. Everyone needs someone. I had a poor mentor my first year. Several times she came to me. I found myself an "unoffical mentor". This woman is still my mentor, and she always will be. It doesn't matter how accomplished I become, I still go to her. Why? Because every one needs a sounding board they can trust. Find yourself a mentor. Just choose someone who is experienced, effective, and has a good attitude.

2)Yes, there is something you can do to have better relationships with your parents. The secret to all good relationships is communication. My parents are my first objectives every year, yes, even before my students. Why? Because their child's success and to a large degree my success depends on their support. I call every parent at the start of the year and introduce myself. I always end by asking this magic question, "Is there anything that you can tell me about Johnny that would help me help him this year?" Keep a notebook handy. You'd be amazed at what they'll share! Keep the lines open all year. I send a daily email to 21 addresses everyday.

You sound hurt and discouraged. Remember this is your calling and you're changing lives! If you'd like to talk more, please email me at [email removed].

On 11/22/08, teachinNC wrote: > I have had a very difficult year with a few parents this > year. I have had a lower/challenging class and I have > noticed that some teachers have an easier time making > parents like them or at least not making them > dislike/making them mad. Do any of you veteran (or other) > teachers have any tips you have learned over the years > about how to handle parents, esp. of low children? I > notice that if the child is doing well then the parent > likes/loves me. If the child is a struggler/low student > sometimes the parent lashes out/dislikes/wants to blame > me. I did not have a good mentor at all for my first year > of teaching. My principal just explained to me this year > not to mention the word retention at all in at-risk and > other parent meetings. No one, not even my teacher > education program had ever taught that to me. > > Yesterday I had a difficult angry parent meeting with the > parents and my principal (who is wonderful/backs her > teachers 100% thank-goodness). of a boy who ended up as a > 1/2 running record last year. (I teach 1st grade). The > mother seemed to hate me to start off with. She was > seething venom. She wouldn't even make eye contact with > me. Part of it stemmed from a meeting 6 weeks into the > school year in which I told her her child was 2 reading > levels behind and might have to be retained. She suggested > a tutor and I told her a tutor was no guarantee (meaning > we would have to have him reading a lot, staying in Title > I, etc.), but I offered to get her some names in case she > wanted to try and I did. She turned that around to say > that I said nothing would help him, not even a tutor. When > I realized my mistake about him being retained and that he > would not be retained no matter what because examining his > file more closely I realized he had already been retained > in another state and finished part of his second year with > us, so our policy is to not retain again until the 3rd or > 4th grades. I called her to tell her that and calm her > down (she had had a meltdown and called the guidance > counselor and talked her ear off after our first PT > meeting). She said she felt I had washed my hands of him > after 6 weeks of school. She threw that in my face at the > meeting with the principal even though I had explained > that to her already--she was obviously out to get/wound > me/make me look bad in front of my boss. I am trying to be > nice to her and forgive her even though she complained to > the principal about me. When we had our meeting I took > responsibility for my error/apologized to her that we had > gotten off on the wrong foot and did point out that I > stayed on a Friday night at 5:00 PM to call her up and let > her know that no matter what--he would not be retained and > that we would do everything we could to catch him up. Now > I am walking on eggshells and hope I never see the woman > ever again as long as I live. > > I am hoping next year that I > can do better at getting along with parents of > academically low students. It is Saturday and I have also > felt very depressed about all of this, feel the woman made > me look bad in front of my principal and wonder if I will > get re-contracted next year since there are budget cuts > (my state has a 15% budget shortfall and I am not tenure > yet.) Any advice or encouragement would be greatly > appreciated, I feel somewhat down and defeated as there > have been other other unfair things done to me by parents > this year that have nothing to do with this situation: For > example: On the first day of school I had a parent try to > talk to me while I was helping 6 other children put > supplies up and the rest of the children were waiting on > me--it was a stressful time. I met her child and spoke to > her for a few moments. The child had a happy first day but > at the end of the day the parent asked the principal if > she could have a different teacher. She didn't feel I > would be "loving enough" for her daughter. The principal > said the child's kindergarten teacher felt I would be > great and refused to move her. Mom got stubborn and left > one child at the school and put that child in a different > county because mom and dad were separated due to a > divorce. This is an example of the kind of upsetting > things that have been happening this year with parents. > Another parent who is white trashy--a moocher who lives > off of different relatives until the get tired of her told > the principal that she didn't want her child in my class > because a parent of a boy told her I have reading contest > where children are expected to read 5 books a night (a > lie) and that she didn't want to do any extra reading like > that (He does no reading at home beyond maybe his basal > sometimes.) This was also a few days into the school > year). This is another child who had previously been > retained. The principal reassured her and got a copy of my > homework sheet which was like everyone else's and the boy > stayed in my class. I am starting to wonder if this is > normal (nasty, nasty complaining parents) or God wants me > to quit teaching?!!!! No wonder people leave this > profession after the first 3-5 years! My husband would > love it if I would quit but I don't think it would be > financially responsible to do so, plus I like teaching > most of the time. >

Dec 7, 2008

report post

teachinNC Thank-you so much for your encouraging post. I have not had home internet for a while as there is some glitch with the cable company and I just got it. Thank-you so much for your support. You are right, I have felt hurt and discouraged this year. Hopefully, things will get better with experience.

On 12/07/08, Ellie Mae wrote: > I am ve...See More

Dec 15, 2008

report post

teachinNC I invited the mom and dad of this situaton to come to our Christmas party before the break. (Instead of avoiding/hiding from the). We chatted some. I pretended she didn't dislike me and for my part and I tried. I think it helped. I felt that "choosing love" would be the best thing....taking the high road. We'll see how it goes! I am feeling a bit m...See More

Jan 2, 2009

report post

suzy Sounds like she is trying to take the high road also. Hope this all works out well for everyone involved.

On 1/02/09, teachinNC wrote: > I invited the mom and dad of this situaton to come to our > Christmas party before the break. (Instead of avoiding/hiding > from the). We chatted some. I pretended she didn't dislike me > and ...See MoreSounds like she is trying to take the high road also. Hope this all works out well for everyone involved.

On 1/02/09, teachinNC wrote: > I invited the mom and dad of this situaton to come to our > Christmas party before the break. (Instead of avoiding/hiding > from the). We chatted some. I pretended she didn't dislike me > and for my part and I tried. I think it helped. I felt > that "choosing love" would be the best thing....taking the high > road. We'll see how it goes! I am feeling a bit more positive > about the situation now, though. > > On 12/07/08, Ellie Mae wrote: >> I am very sorry that you have had this bad expericience. >> Unfortantly, moments like that sometimes are part of our job. >> I'd like to address a few things you said. >> >> 1) Concerning your lack of a mentor. Everyone needs >> someone. I had a poor mentor my first year. Several times >> she came to me. I found myself an "unoffical mentor". This >> woman is still my mentor, and she always will be. It doesn't >> matter how accomplished I become, I still go to her. Why? >> Because every one needs a sounding board they can trust. >> Find yourself a mentor. Just choose someone who is >> experienced, effective, and has a good attitude. >> >> 2)Yes, there is something you can do to have better >> relationships with your parents. The secret to all good >> relationships is communication. My parents are my first >> objectives every year, yes, even before my students. Why? >> Because their child's success and to a large degree my >> success depends on their support. I call every parent >> at the start of the year and introduce myself. I always end >> by asking this magic question, "Is there anything that you >> can tell me about Johnny that would help me help him this >> year?" Keep a notebook handy. You'd be amazed at what >> they'll share! Keep the lines open all year. I send a daily >> email to 21 addresses everyday. >> >> You sound hurt and discouraged. Remember this is your >> calling and you're changing lives! If you'd like to talk >> more, please email me at [email removed];

Jan 2, 2009

report post

Andrea i really feel for you. Last year was my second year of teaching high school math. I had previously taught a section of algebra that was supposed to be "accelerated" for students to take in the 8th grade and thus be a year ahead. This was leading to all kinds of problems.. some kids were being placed in this program due to their parents complaints b...See Morei really feel for you. Last year was my second year of teaching high school math. I had previously taught a section of algebra that was supposed to be "accelerated" for students to take in the 8th grade and thus be a year ahead. This was leading to all kinds of problems.. some kids were being placed in this program due to their parents complaints because they wanted thier kids in the "smart" class (their words not mine) and thus they were not prepared with the basic skills they needed to be ready. It then created problems when they did poorly in the class and were not adequately prepared to take higher level math. As a department we wanted to explain to the parents and students in general that taking this class wasnt always in the best interest of the student if it wasnt something they were ready for/interested in. We assumed this would be seen by the parents as something in the best interest of their child. IT WASNT. All you know what broke loose. The next thing you know, I am the wicked witch of the west and do not want any of their kids in higher level math (which is insane...as it would mean i was out of a job).

I was really really hurt by this at first. I had put so much effort into trying to find ways to help kids who struggle in higher levels..and one of the best ways to help is to make sure foundational knowledge is strong and concrete before moving on. I really did and said everything with the intent to help those kids and do my job. I felt like going home and sticking my head in the oven. :) At that point i felt like leaving teaching....but thankfully i have a great principal and an awesome department head that taught me some wonderful lessons on their own 1) You cant redo the past....just do your best to move on positively 2) The best intentions can always go poorly with a little misunderstanding 3) there are some people out there who will always look for a pot to stir. Working in education we run into a lot of them. As long as you know your intentions and work on avoiding situations like this in the future by adjusting your tactics...thats the best you can do

dont give up.... and dont let people get you down, hindsight is ALWAYS 20-20 On 1/02/09, suzy wrote: > Sounds like she is trying to take the high road also. Hope this > all works out well for everyone involved. > > On 1/02/09, teachinNC wrote: >> I invited the mom and dad of this situaton to come to our >> Christmas party before the break. (Instead of avoiding/hiding >> from the). We chatted some. I pretended she didn't dislike me >> and for my part and I tried. I think it helped. I felt >> that "choosing love" would be the best thing....taking the high >> road. We'll see how it goes! I am feeling a bit more positive >> about the situation now, though. >> >> On 12/07/08, Ellie Mae wrote: >>> I am very sorry that you have had this bad expericience. >>> Unfortantly, moments like that sometimes are part of our job. >>> I'd like to address a few things you said. >>> >>> 1) Concerning your lack of a mentor. Everyone needs >>> someone. I had a poor mentor my first year. Several times >>> she came to me. I found myself an "unoffical mentor". This >>> woman is still my mentor, and she always will be. It doesn't >>> matter how accomplished I become, I still go to her. Why? >>> Because every one needs a sounding board they can trust. >>> Find yourself a mentor. Just choose someone who is >>> experienced, effective, and has a good attitude. >>> >>> 2)Yes, there is something you can do to have better >>> relationships with your parents. The secret to all good >>> relationships is communication. My parents are my first >>> objectives every year, yes, even before my students. Why? >>> Because their child's success and to a large degree my >>> success depends on their support. I call every parent >>> at the start of the year and introduce myself. I always end >>> by asking this magic question, "Is there anything that you >>> can tell me about Johnny that would help me help him this >>> year?" Keep a notebook handy. You'd be amazed at what >>> they'll share! Keep the lines open all year. I send a daily >>> email to 21 addresses everyday. >>> >>> You sound hurt and discouraged. Remember this is your >>> calling and you're changing lives! If you'd like to talk >>> more, please email me at [email removed];

Jan 4, 2009

report post