Stupid question about dealing with stress

Join Teachers.Net

Chatboards

Recent Groups

Master Teachers

MEMBERS

3 Members

+ Join Group

Pinned Posts

ALLAll Teachers

Teachers.Net LIVE CHAT Support group - Tues eve!

Featured Jobs

Full-timeMontessori Teacher

Maple Ridge, British Columbia, Canada

TemporaryTeachers, rural schools

Peace River North School District

Full-timeHead Teacher: 2nd/3rd Grades – Mills College Children’s School

Mills College

Teaching Jobs on Teachers.Net

Featured Job special only $39!

https://teachers.net/jobs

Become a Teachers.Net sponsor!

Master Teachers Chatboard

Stupid question about dealing with stress

by BethAnn

Mar 15, 2010

Hi All,

I am a beginning teacher - this is my third year.

Everytime I have a major issue with a student or parent, my heart starts racing, my palms get sweaty, and my face gets flush. It's not out of anger. I don't know the reason.

This is especially bad when I have to deal with a parent. I am not looking forward to the Monday after Spring Break because a parent, who's not happy, is coming in to conference with the principal and me. Her child, who of course does no wrong, is going to ISS.

Prior to this year, I ran after school, which helped some. However, I'm 7 months pregnant and have had some issues with the pregnancy, so I can't workout.

Any advice on dealing with this would be greatly appreciated!!

TIA,

BethAnn

Comment

(4)

report post

Krista C. BethAnn, The feelings that you are having are not abnormal. As a former Asst. Principal, I have seen my share of upset parents, too. I would recommend that you greet the parent with a hand shake and a smile; be confident.

Sometimes parents just want to be heard, so it is ok to give them that opportunity. Let the parent voice his/her opini...See More

Mar 15, 2010

report post

it's not a stupid question at all! I am a beginning teacher - this is my third year. > > Everytime I have a major issue with a student or parent, my > heart starts racing, my palms get sweaty, and my face gets > flush. It's not out of anger. I don't know the reason.

It sounds like you're incredibly nervous, not really classically stressed by these major moments ...See MoreI am a beginning teacher - this is my third year. > > Everytime I have a major issue with a student or parent, my > heart starts racing, my palms get sweaty, and my face gets > flush. It's not out of anger. I don't know the reason.

It sounds like you're incredibly nervous, not really classically stressed by these major moments with students or their parents. I'd ask if this happens anywhere else in life? At a party where you don't know anyone? When a cop pulls you over for missing a stopsign?

If it only happens in school, then it's only school that makes you nervous and you're not generally a nervous person

Being nervous is usually a kind of fear and the only way to conquer fear is to explore what exactly is making you afraid. Lots of teachers don't like talking to parents or feel comfortable when tackling major issues with students or parents.

Try to envision worst case scenario - what could happen in this moment with the student? Try to figure out what is it that's making you nervous. That they might tell you forget about it? Or ignore you? Or yell at you?

Sometimes we come from homes where major issues weren't dealt with but were pretty much swept under the rug. I had NO idea how to tackle major issues especially with parents because I'd come from a home where we didn't do that. I didn't know if the parents would get really mad - I really had no idea how people responded to major issues. I only knew they made me uncomfortable.

The first few times I did it one of my colleagues stayed with me to help me - my principal came once or twice too. Believe it or not, I came to like these parents' meetings. I regret that students sometime have major issues but I found I could offer the parents guidance and advice and the meetings could be pleasant and problem-solving.

I'd also say - for your own sake - try to sweep from your mind things like "Of course the parent believes her child does no wrong." While that may indeed be true, there's a tone to that - even when you just say it to yourself - that doesn't help you. No parent likes to think their child does wrong and some do indeed live in great denial. That's just the way it is - it's something we're given to work with or around but it's nothing worth resenting or trying to change quickly.

In a meeting, I bear in mind - who called it? If it's me then I have a focused goal. There's information I want to share and the price I pay for getting to do that is that I then have to listen to them talk for a while. It takes up time but it builds bridges and they leave feeling like something good was accomplished.

Even if it wasn't.

If the parent asks for the meeting, I begin with "It's nice to see you. How can I help today?"

Keep it focused, it saves time and helps you to feel in control. Make notes ahead of time - what three points do you want to make (more than three usually doesn't work) Have a realistic, reasonable goal if you want the parents to help foster positive change in the kid. "I'd really like it if you could go through Billy's backpack with him every night. I hope soon he'd be able to stay on top of his papers on his own but for now he really needs someone to go through the backpack when he brings it home to make sure there aren't papers floating around in the bottom of it."

Good luck. > > This is especially bad when I have to deal with a parent. > I am not looking forward to the Monday after Spring Break > because a parent, who's not happy, is coming in to > conference with the principal and me. Her child, who of > course does no wrong, is going to ISS. > > Prior to this year, I ran after school, which helped some. > However, I'm 7 months pregnant and have had some issues > with the pregnancy, so I can't workout. > > Any advice on dealing with this would be greatly > appreciated!! > > TIA, > > BethAnn

Mar 15, 2010

report post

BethAnn Thanks to both of you for your input - I really appreciate your time.

I think a lot of it is nerves. Being just my third year, I don't think I have a ton of confidence in the parent area yet. I am worried about saying the wrong thing or something like that.

I am really lucky that my principal tends to take the lead whenever it's a...See More

Mar 15, 2010

report post

Leah Hi BethAnn, Being pregnant doesn't make life easier, but more difficult! How unfair to schedule the conference after a break. YOU NEED TO RELAX DURING YOUR BREAK!

I'm glad to hear that your principal is supportive. Let him take the lead. You MIGHT find reading the following short article helpful. It's provides the words to say that preven...See More

Mar 16, 2010

report post