suggestions for manipulative child

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Primary Elementary Teachers Chatboard

suggestions for manipulative child

by Yellow Rose

Apr 1, 2009

What do you do about a child who is very spoiled? He has been taught to lie to get out of trouble. He is the favorite child in the family. He is very much babied and sucks his thumb constantly.

He gets into trouble often. He bothers other kids, talks constantly, doesn't listen, doesn't do his best work, is up and out of his seat often. When there is a consequence he cries (and sometimes when there's NO consequence he cries.) Loud. VERY LOUD. He just stands there and screams. He is better than he was at the beginning of the year because in my class there is a consequence for crying (unless it is a legitimate reason, but getting into trouble is not a legitimate reason.) He used to follow me around the room, sobbing "almost" uncontrollably though I know it's controlled because he CAN stop. When given an ultimatum, he will stop on a dime. He likes to have tears roll down his face and he makes sure I see him. Sometimes the "tears are still going ten minutes later. He will tell me ...See MoreWhat do you do about a child who is very spoiled? He has been taught to lie to get out of trouble. He is the favorite child in the family. He is very much babied and sucks his thumb constantly.

He gets into trouble often. He bothers other kids, talks constantly, doesn't listen, doesn't do his best work, is up and out of his seat often. When there is a consequence he cries (and sometimes when there's NO consequence he cries.) Loud. VERY LOUD. He just stands there and screams. He is better than he was at the beginning of the year because in my class there is a consequence for crying (unless it is a legitimate reason, but getting into trouble is not a legitimate reason.) He used to follow me around the room, sobbing "almost" uncontrollably though I know it's controlled because he CAN stop. When given an ultimatum, he will stop on a dime. He likes to have tears roll down his face and he makes sure I see him. Sometimes the "tears are still going ten minutes later. He will tell me "I didn't do it" then go on to explain that I didn't see what I thought I saw and why. He is so convincing that I almost doubt myself what I saw! There is absolutely no debating the issue with him because I'd never win so when he "explains" I just walk away or interrupt him. Once the nurse saw him go tearing down the hall to the water fountains and knock another child over as he turned the corner. She brought him back to me to tell me what he did and of course he screamed and cried and said he didn't do it...on and on and on. She just put her hand up in her face in a "talk to the hand" fashion and wouldn't listen to him. That's pretty much what I do though I don't physically put up my hand.

The thumb-sucking is another issue. His thumb is always in his mouth. It's gross because then he touches the computers, math manipulatives, community supplies, books, etc. I tell him to go get hand sanitizer and at times he's had to miss fun activities because he just can't (won't) stop it. It wouldn't bother me except for the GERMS. What do you do about that? Anything? School counselor says to just let him do it until he embarrasses himself but again, it's the GERMS.

He does have other issues and I've been handling them/him fine all year, for the most part. He is very immature and is only six. Any suggestions? I just think I can be doing some things better.

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A few ideas When a child cries in my room I state to them, "I can't understand you when you're crying. Let me know when you're done and we can talk about this." Then I walk away and completely IGNORE the crying no matter what. I may have to tell the child to return to their desk or say something like, "As long as you're crying you are to be "insert place". Whe...See MoreWhen a child cries in my room I state to them, "I can't understand you when you're crying. Let me know when you're done and we can talk about this." Then I walk away and completely IGNORE the crying no matter what. I may have to tell the child to return to their desk or say something like, "As long as you're crying you are to be "insert place". When you feel that you are ready to rejoin the class and have put away your tears, you're more than welcome to do so. I hope you're ready quickly because we are getting ready to do _______." Once I walk away that's it no more from me about they crying other than the occasional reminder to return to their desk/spot. It works just about every time. I have had other students come tell me that a child is crying to which I reply, "Thank you. I am aware of that." and go back to what I was doing. They come to realize that crying won't get my attention but appropriate classroom behavior will. I know if probably sounds gruff and insensitive but when water works are turned on to get their way (and it is obvious when that happens) or get out of trouble, I just don't give them the attention or time they are seeking.

As for the lying when you've seen something happen, that's a bit harder. I try not to engage in the conversation with the child. It is VERY hard to do but it is powerful when you don't. I usually say, "So and so, was running into ______ safe?" "Was it respectful?" "What if you had been run into? How would you have felt?" "What do you think you should do about running into ______?" If there is the "I didn't do it!" I don't engage in that line of conversation but steer back to "how would you have felt if you had been run into?" Some kids it takes longer to get them to come around to this type of conversation because they are so used to defending their behavior or trying to get out of "trouble".

Is it possible to create this child's own set of supplies that he has to use until he stops sucking his thumb in the class? If he can't use the computer because his thumb has been in his mouth, how long would it take for him to stop? Or, can you give him an incentive such as extra computer time, collecting supplies, helping you with something hands-on when he has gone without sucking his thumb for a short period of time? Then, lengthen the time period as he is becomes better at keeping his thumb out of his mouth. You might sit down with him and talk about his it. Try to find out why he does it at school. Is he nervous? Not sure how to do the work, etc? Next, you could talk about the germ concerns and help him set a goal using the incentive. Turn it into a positive and focus on his success at reaching a goal. Just a thought.

Each child is unique and it can take a long time to figure out how to deal with some of them. Also, being 6, he is quite young and boys tend to take longer to mature. Good luck!

On 4/01/09, Yellow Rose wrote: > What do you do about a child who is very spoiled? He has > been taught to lie to get out of trouble. He is the > favorite child in the family. He is very much babied and > sucks his thumb constantly. > > He gets into trouble often. He bothers other kids, talks > constantly, doesn't listen, doesn't do his best work, is > up and out of his seat often. When there is a consequence > he cries (and sometimes when there's NO consequence he > cries.) Loud. VERY LOUD. He just stands there and > screams. He is better than he was at the beginning of the > year because in my class there is a consequence for crying > (unless it is a legitimate reason, but getting into > trouble is not a legitimate reason.) He used to follow me > around the room, sobbing "almost" uncontrollably though I > know it's controlled because he CAN stop. When given an > ultimatum, he will stop on a dime. He likes to have tears > roll down his face and he makes sure I see him. Sometimes > the "tears are still going ten minutes later. He will > tell me "I didn't do it" then go on to explain that I > didn't see what I thought I saw and why. He is so > convincing that I almost doubt myself what I saw! There > is absolutely no debating the issue with him because I'd > never win so when he "explains" I just walk away or > interrupt him. Once the nurse saw him go tearing down the > hall to the water fountains and knock another child over > as he turned the corner. She brought him back to me to > tell me what he did and of course he screamed and cried > and said he didn't do it...on and on and on. She just put > her hand up in her face in a "talk to the hand" fashion > and wouldn't listen to him. That's pretty much what I do > though I don't physically put up my hand. > > The thumb-sucking is another issue. His thumb is always > in his mouth. It's gross because then he touches the > computers, math manipulatives, community supplies, books, > etc. I tell him to go get hand sanitizer and at times > he's had to miss fun activities because he just can't > (won't) stop it. It wouldn't bother me except for the > GERMS. What do you do about that? Anything? School > counselor says to just let him do it until he embarrasses > himself but again, it's the GERMS. > > He does have other issues and I've been handling them/him > fine all year, for the most part. He is very immature and > is only six. Any suggestions? I just think I can be doing > some things better.

Apr 1, 2009

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Leah The last poster gave some excellent ideas.

One key to his behavior is his family situation. Perhaps the school counselor and you could meet with the adults in his life. They seem to need lots of help dealing effectively with his behaviors such as lying and thumb sucking. Click below and on "Guidelines for Educator-Parent Conferences...." ...See More

Apr 2, 2009

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OP Thank you for these suggestions. I've been ignoring his crying most of the year. Problem is, it's not getting better. Well it's a little better. He used to follow me around the room crying. He doesn't do that now but stays where I put him, for the most part. It is just very loud, the tears roll down his face and literally soak his work. Today I too...See More

Apr 2, 2009

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christy On 4/02/09, OP wrote: > Thank you for these suggestions. I've been ignoring his crying > most of the year. Problem is, it's not getting better. Well > it's a little better. He used to follow me around the room > crying. He doesn't do that now but stays where I put him, for > the most part. It is just very loud, the tears roll down hi...See More

Apr 4, 2009

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