Can't bring myself to do it

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Student Teaching Chatboard

Can't bring myself to do it

by Buster

Jan 16, 2011

I just finished my student teaching last month. Each day of the experience felt like the new worst day of my life. I have wanted to be a high school English teacher for years, and have racked up a sizable student loan debt getting to this point in the journey, but after my student teaching, I don't want to get a job teaching. Is there anything anyone can say to help me get my passion back? Has anyone overcome this?

Here's the story (I'll try to keep it brief):

My CoOp teacher seemed way to busy to work with me on anything throughout the semester. She was a veteran of 17 years, head of the English dept. and union rep for the district. We had barely any communication because she was always talking to other people about department stuff and union stuff...literally every moment of every day. I don't know how she could find time to teach, let alone train a student teacher.

I would try to make her plan time to visit with me, but usually something came up. The conve...See MoreI just finished my student teaching last month. Each day of the experience felt like the new worst day of my life. I have wanted to be a high school English teacher for years, and have racked up a sizable student loan debt getting to this point in the journey, but after my student teaching, I don't want to get a job teaching. Is there anything anyone can say to help me get my passion back? Has anyone overcome this?

Here's the story (I'll try to keep it brief):

My CoOp teacher seemed way to busy to work with me on anything throughout the semester. She was a veteran of 17 years, head of the English dept. and union rep for the district. We had barely any communication because she was always talking to other people about department stuff and union stuff...literally every moment of every day. I don't know how she could find time to teach, let alone train a student teacher.

I would try to make her plan time to visit with me, but usually something came up. The conversations I did get with her were short and I often needed to ask the same questions again later, which annoyed her, but I obviously wasn't getting something. I felt unprepared for every moment of every day.

I often stayed up 'til 2AM figuring out the details of the next day and got up at 5 so I could be there by 7. I hope to God this isn't normal. At no point was I able to plan ahead more than a day or two - my coop teacher made it very clear that she was dissapointed in my inability to do this, but rather than help me get there, she made a long-term general plan for me (I wanted to have her walk me through it or something that involved ME). Many times, she would see that a lesson I wrote was not right, or didn't fit what she needed me to do, and she would scrap it as I began to teach it and tell me to do something else...in front of the students!

My supervisor said she was just using me for free labor so she could tend to her union stuff. He was pretty upset with her, and it was all he could do to convince her that she should pass me. We all agreed that I had some things I definitely need to continue working on, but it's nothing that I can't work out on the job (classroom mgmt stuff, projecting my voice, classroom awareness, etc.)

Everyone tells me I'll make a great teacher (except the CoOp) someday, but to be honest, I can't bring myself to apply for a job. I still feel like I would be completely unprepared for each day. In my ST experience, I often finished up 15 minutes earlier than I planned and had nothing else to give the kids to do. This is where an experienced teacher could have come up with something or had something they use all the time, but I don't have that. I just had to let them chat or read or whatever until the bell rang. The CoOp wanted to kill me for it, but I didn't know what else to do.

Anyway, sorry to rant. I just need help getting back my passion to do this. I need good resources to help me fix my issues and prepare me for each day. I need advice from people who understand. To be honest, I don't know what I need. Has anyone else had this? How do I overcome it? Any thoughts?

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Sub.. Few new teachers are getting hired anyway, so get on the sub list and sub. You can meet teachers and principals.. and you can better decide if you want to teach.

On 1/16/11, Buster wrote: > I just finished my student teaching last month. Each day of > the experience felt like the new worst day of my life. I > have wanted to be a ...See MoreFew new teachers are getting hired anyway, so get on the sub list and sub. You can meet teachers and principals.. and you can better decide if you want to teach.

On 1/16/11, Buster wrote: > I just finished my student teaching last month. Each day of > the experience felt like the new worst day of my life. I > have wanted to be a high school English teacher for years, > and have racked up a sizable student loan debt getting to > this point in the journey, but after my student teaching, I > don't want to get a job teaching. Is there anything anyone > can say to help me get my passion back? Has anyone overcome > this? > > Here's the story (I'll try to keep it brief): > > My CoOp teacher seemed way to busy to work with me on > anything throughout the semester. She was a veteran of 17 > years, head of the English dept. and union rep for the > district. We had barely any communication because she was > always talking to other people about department stuff and > union stuff...literally every moment of every day. I don't > know how she could find time to teach, let alone train a > student teacher. > > I would try to make her plan time to visit with me, but > usually something came up. The conversations I did get with > her were short and I often needed to ask the same questions > again later, which annoyed her, but I obviously wasn't > getting something. I felt unprepared for every moment of > every day. > > I often stayed up 'til 2AM figuring out the details of the > next day and got up at 5 so I could be there by 7. I hope to > God this isn't normal. At no point was I able to plan ahead > more than a day or two - my coop teacher made it very clear > that she was dissapointed in my inability to do this, but > rather than help me get there, she made a long-term general > plan for me (I wanted to have her walk me through it or > something that involved ME). Many times, she would see that > a lesson I wrote was not right, or didn't fit what she > needed me to do, and she would scrap it as I began to teach > it and tell me to do something else...in front of the students! > > My supervisor said she was just using me for free labor so > she could tend to her union stuff. He was pretty upset with > her, and it was all he could do to convince her that she > should pass me. We all agreed that I had some things I > definitely need to continue working on, but it's nothing > that I can't work out on the job (classroom mgmt stuff, > projecting my voice, classroom awareness, etc.) > > Everyone tells me I'll make a great teacher (except the > CoOp) someday, but to be honest, I can't bring myself to > apply for a job. I still feel like I would be completely > unprepared for each day. In my ST experience, I often > finished up 15 minutes earlier than I planned and had > nothing else to give the kids to do. This is where an > experienced teacher could have come up with something or had > something they use all the time, but I don't have that. I > just had to let them chat or read or whatever until the bell > rang. The CoOp wanted to kill me for it, but I didn't know > what else to do. > > Anyway, sorry to rant. I just need help getting back my > passion to do this. I need good resources to help me fix my > issues and prepare me for each day. I need advice from > people who understand. To be honest, I don't know what I > need. Has anyone else had this? How do I overcome it? Any > thoughts?

Jan 26, 2011

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OldTeach I think subbing is a great idea for you. It will give you confidence, which you obviously need badly after your negative student teaching experience, it will get you known in the school systems where you work and will help to negate any negative feedback your references get from your cooperating teacher. Was she your only CT? If so, you do have to ...See MoreI think subbing is a great idea for you. It will give you confidence, which you obviously need badly after your negative student teaching experience, it will get you known in the school systems where you work and will help to negate any negative feedback your references get from your cooperating teacher. Was she your only CT? If so, you do have to list her in your application forms, but I wouldn't list her as a reference. I would include letters from your supervisor and a professor or two. If you do sub, get some of the principals to be listed as references. If you are ever asked why you didn't list her, explain that you didn't feel your student teaching experience was as valuable as it could have been, but do not offer an explanation. Do not, under any circumstances, throw her under the bus. It will come across as unprofessional. Best of luck. I'll bet you are employed this time next year. :)

On 1/16/11, Buster wrote: > I just finished my student teaching last month. Each day of > the experience felt like the new worst day of my life. I > have wanted to be a high school English teacher for years, > and have racked up a sizable student loan debt getting to > this point in the journey, but after my student teaching, I > don't want to get a job teaching. Is there anything anyone > can say to help me get my passion back? Has anyone overcome > this? > > Here's the story (I'll try to keep it brief): > > My CoOp teacher seemed way to busy to work with me on > anything throughout the semester. She was a veteran of 17 > years, head of the English dept. and union rep for the > district. We had barely any communication because she was > always talking to other people about department stuff and > union stuff...literally every moment of every day. I don't > know how she could find time to teach, let alone train a > student teacher. > > I would try to make her plan time to visit with me, but > usually something came up. The conversations I did get with > her were short and I often needed to ask the same questions > again later, which annoyed her, but I obviously wasn't > getting something. I felt unprepared for every moment of > every day. > > I often stayed up 'til 2AM figuring out the details of the > next day and got up at 5 so I could be there by 7. I hope to > God this isn't normal. At no point was I able to plan ahead > more than a day or two - my coop teacher made it very clear > that she was dissapointed in my inability to do this, but > rather than help me get there, she made a long-term general > plan for me (I wanted to have her walk me through it or > something that involved ME). Many times, she would see that > a lesson I wrote was not right, or didn't fit what she > needed me to do, and she would scrap it as I began to teach > it and tell me to do something else...in front of the students! > > My supervisor said she was just using me for free labor so > she could tend to her union stuff. He was pretty upset with > her, and it was all he could do to convince her that she > should pass me. We all agreed that I had some things I > definitely need to continue working on, but it's nothing > that I can't work out on the job (classroom mgmt stuff, > projecting my voice, classroom awareness, etc.) > > Everyone tells me I'll make a great teacher (except the > CoOp) someday, but to be honest, I can't bring myself to > apply for a job. I still feel like I would be completely > unprepared for each day. In my ST experience, I often > finished up 15 minutes earlier than I planned and had > nothing else to give the kids to do. This is where an > experienced teacher could have come up with something or had > something they use all the time, but I don't have that. I > just had to let them chat or read or whatever until the bell > rang. The CoOp wanted to kill me for it, but I didn't know > what else to do. > > Anyway, sorry to rant. I just need help getting back my > passion to do this. I need good resources to help me fix my > issues and prepare me for each day. I need advice from > people who understand. To be honest, I don't know what I > need. Has anyone else had this? How do I overcome it? Any > thoughts?

Jan 29, 2011

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Buster I appreciate the reassurance, everybody. I have started to find a little of the passion I had for wanting to teach. While I am still not confident in my abilities, I am confident that my personality is right for the job, regardless of what my CT said.

I should be receiving my sub license pretty soon, so I will sub on that until I get my f...See More

Jan 30, 2011

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Sara On 1/26/11, Sub.. wrote:

Well, teaching's not for everybody but little that you've said would convince me that you're one of the people for whom teaching is the wrong thing to do. But that said - lesson planning is key. It's commonplace to not have long enough lessons at the beginning and over the years, you build up a bank of lessons and...See MoreOn 1/26/11, Sub.. wrote:

Well, teaching's not for everybody but little that you've said would convince me that you're one of the people for whom teaching is the wrong thing to do. But that said - lesson planning is key. It's commonplace to not have long enough lessons at the beginning and over the years, you build up a bank of lessons and activities in your head that you can pull out at any given moment.

Did you like anything about being in the classroom? It concerns me a bit that you're not saying anything positive. Did you enjoy the students? Did they evidence any positive response to you and your teaching?

I think subbing is trial by fire - but you for the most part as a sub will be given lesson plans and won't have to do planning. You could give that a try and see how you feel then. What about a teaching assistant? They're not often hired at the high school level though but being a TA can give you insight into how much you like teaching while still not having primary responsibility for a class.

But yes - your first year of teaching will be Hard. I went to bed each night at 2 - my first year - and got up at 6. If you want an easy first year on the job, don't teach. The first year is NOT easy but each year after that usually gets a bit easier than the year before.

In an English class you can always fill odd moments with writing -though some kids are very resistant to it. You can fill it with discussion and most kids like that or fill it with debate - who wants to make a case that Shakespeare is not the best writer in the English language because his plot devices are so incredibly trivial?" I always have takers for that and then some students who want to passionately defend Shakespeare. "Who believes that rap is a kind of poetry"? (My students will climb over each other to defend that)

Did you like the kids? How passionately do you feel about the English language, about writing, about rhetoric and the many wonderful aspects of communication? You were teaching under a critical eye - what if you had a freer hand? It will be work but I for one find it fun - I love what I teach and most of the kids seem to lap it up and enjoy class and say things like "I never thought I could understand Shakespeare."

Check out youtube - it has Great Stuff for teaching. We teach in the new day and under the influence of the New Criticism and Reader Response Theory when everybody's individual interpretation of literature is valid. Students love hearing that. Yes there are reluctant readers but it's very gratifying to help them forgive themselves for that and actually enjoy hearing about literature. Literature is life itself - I find that heady - and I love sharing with students how much literature has influenced my life even if it hasn't had that impact on theirs.

Are you a storyteller? Do you like to share? Teaching can be a wonderful bully pulpit. In any case, I hope you find your answer but little that you've said here causes me to question your choice of teaching as a career.

> >> >> >> >> >> Anyway, sorry to rant. I just need help getting back my >> passion to do this. I need good resources to help me fix my >> issues and prepare me for each day. I need advice from >> people who understand. To be honest, I don't know what I >> need. Has anyone else had this? How do I overcome it? Any >> thoughts?

Feb 1, 2011

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Buster Well, teaching's not for everybody but little that you've said > would convince me that you're one of the people for whom > teaching is the wrong thing to do.

I have considered that. I thought that almost every day of my student teaching experience.

> Did you like anything about being in the classroom? It concerns > ...See MoreWell, teaching's not for everybody but little that you've said > would convince me that you're one of the people for whom > teaching is the wrong thing to do.

I have considered that. I thought that almost every day of my student teaching experience.

> Did you like anything about being in the classroom? It concerns > me a bit that you're not saying anything positive. Did you enjoy > the students? Did they evidence any positive response to you and > your teaching?

For the most part, I did like the students. I had a class that was half ELL, and the school I worked at did not have an ELL program. Also, nearly half of the class was on IEPs, and the school didn't have an integrated SpEd department, only case workers and a resource room. They were the toughest kids to teach because they didn't buy into anything I was trying to do and they didn't see me as the teacher because my CT kept disempowering me in front of the students. But still, I feel like I made some real connections in that class, maybe moreso than the honors class I also taught. Those kids were teacher-pleasers, so anything I did with them was fine (and it was refreshing to not have to fight with students to do something).

In reality, I cannot give the canned answer "because I love working with kids" to the question "why do you want to be a teacher?" I don't think a teacher necessarily has to love kids to be a good teacher. I do have a passion for language, however. And I don't want all of our kids to grow up with Jersey Shore as their only point of culture. I want to be a teacher because I want to serve as a role model to people who are trying to figure out who they want to be. I want to teach English because I think the ability to communicate clearly is the most important skill a student can learn.

>But that said - lesson > planning is key. It's commonplace to not have long enough > lessons at the beginning and over the years, you build up a bank > of lessons and activities in your head that you can pull out at > any given moment.

That's what I'm banking on, but that deer-in-the-headlights feeling is the worst thing in the world when you're in front of a class of students. I don't really buy into giving the students time to read in class because they should be able to do that on their own time and work during class time, but I have to fall back on in-class reading often because I don't have enough work to give them...yet. I am pretty organized and I know that I will eventually accumulate a bunch of lessons I can teach on the fly, and I can't wait for that day to come.

> But yes - your first year of teaching will be Hard. I went to > bed each night at 2 - my first year - and got up at 6. If you > want an easy first year on the job, don't teach. The first year > is NOT easy but each year after that usually gets a bit easier > than the year before.

I understand that it's hard. I expect it to be hard. I just don't think it should be health-threatening. 3 hours of sleep a day is unhealthy and none of the teachers I know said they had to do that.

> Are you a storyteller? Do you like to share? Teaching can be a > wonderful bully pulpit. In any case, I hope you find your answer > but little that you've said here causes me to question your > choice of teaching as a career.

I still wonder if I chose the right profession. I find it hard to believe that, after all the time and money I put into doing this, I would flake out at the very end. I'm going to sub for a while. I think that I made the right choice in careers. I'm getting my passion back and I'm starting to have dreams again where I'm in front of a class and things go smoothly rather than the trainwreck teaching dreams I was having. Anyway, thanks for the post. It gave me a lot to think about.

Feb 3, 2011

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