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Preschool Teachers Chatboard

Talking Back

by MOPreK

Sep 17, 2012

I'm having trouble with one student this year who is always either talking back to me or just making rude sounds at me while I'm approaching him about something. I've been teaching preschool for many years now, and I've never had one so disrespectful when it comes to listening. For example, he took off the dress-up shoes and left them in the middle of the floor. I calmly told him to put them back on the shelf so no one would trip over them. He proceeded to argue that he did put them away. He raises his voice at me and uses a very nasty tone. Last week I was calmly requesting him to do something or stop doing something, and he was sticking his shoe in my face. Most often if he's not denying doing something wrong, he just lets out rude noises when I'm trying to talk to him. How do you discipline this type of behavior in your classroom? I don't want the other kids hearing this and think they can "get by" with talking to me like that too. I can't have any kind of discussion with this kid a...See More

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good luck On 9/17/12, MOPreK wrote:

In my experience the other kids quickly start to see this kind of kid as a pain, they don't admire him or copy him, they avoid him. Is he nice to the kids? Usually not - usually such a child gives the other children the same kind of rough time he gives you.

And again in my experience there's usually some...See MoreOn 9/17/12, MOPreK wrote:

In my experience the other kids quickly start to see this kind of kid as a pain, they don't admire him or copy him, they avoid him. Is he nice to the kids? Usually not - usually such a child gives the other children the same kind of rough time he gives you.

And again in my experience there's usually something wrong with such a child - underneath the 'wiring' is off. What are his parents like? Does he make the same rude sounds to other teachers in your building?

I'd want to know that - have another teacher talk to him about something, nicely, but have another teacher find a moment when they could say, "John, please walk a bit slower" or something. See if he makes noises when approached by another teacher.

As to the noises, it's his way of trying not to hear what you're saying. Some kids need reasons like "John, your shoes are very handsome and out there in the middle of the floor we will all admire them but someone may trip over them and both the person and your shoes will get hurt. That's not a safe place. Let's move them to the safety of the shelf."

Some kids have NO manners - they need to be taught some and it falls to us to do it. As in "It's not helpful to our discussion to have a shoe in my face. My shoes are on the floor, let's put yours on the table while we talk."

There's usually no quick fix - it takes time to teach manners in school that haven't been taught at home. I say things like "Excuse me John but I'm speaking to you in a very polite and respectful way. Why would you speak in such a rude way? It's not called for."

Good luck.

Last week I was calmly > requesting him to do something or stop doing something, and > he was sticking his shoe in my face. Most often if he's not > denying doing something wrong, he just lets out rude noises > when I'm trying to talk to him. How do you discipline this > type of behavior in your classroom? I don't want the other > kids hearing this and think they can "get by" with talking > to me like that too. I can't have any kind of discussion > with this kid about his behavior without him disrespecting > me.

Sep 20, 2012

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Leah I am sorry you are having this problem. I think meeting with his parent(s) or guardian to discover more about the child would be helpful.

For reproducible articles: "Guidelines for Educator-Parent Conferences Concerning an Angry Child," "Love and Logic Basics," and 24 Ideas for Instiling Manners in Children, click below and on the title o...See More

Sep 23, 2012

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maureen Sorry, I just came to this board so I didn't know if you were having the same difficulty. The child needs to have a relationship with you in order to trust you enough to be respectful. Chances are he has had some negative experience with adults treating him in a way that he feels he needs to protect himself by hiding behind his behaviors.

...See MoreSorry, I just came to this board so I didn't know if you were having the same difficulty. The child needs to have a relationship with you in order to trust you enough to be respectful. Chances are he has had some negative experience with adults treating him in a way that he feels he needs to protect himself by hiding behind his behaviors.

I would sit next to him in an activity that involves no "Me teacher. you student". For example sitting next to him in the sandbox and just do things in the sand. Just chat. Get to know him as a person. It is very important that he not feel you are going to control him or ask anything of him other then to start some kind of bond. You might be the first adult that ever took the time to get to know him as a person. He is probably used to being "in trouble" and feels he just needs to do whatever he can to not be in what he perceives to be in trouble. I personally believe that there is good in all children and bad behavior is simply a learned response to hide his true self because his needs have not been met. He needs to be validated as a good person who deserves to be loved and cared for like everyone else.

For > example, he took off the dress-up shoes and left them in > the middle of the floor. I calmly told him to put them back > on the shelf so no one would trip over them. He proceeded > to argue that he did put them away. He raises his voice at > me and uses a very nasty tone.

It sounds like you are using way too many words and explanations. Surely he already knows that leaving shoes out in the middle of the floor would cause a possible mishap. It takes two to argue and you fell right into his very clever trap. I would have simply asked him if he was done with the dress up shoes. If he said yes, then I would ask him then what should he do next? If he balked, then I would ask him if he was going to return the shoes or did he need help. If he said he needed help, I would hold his hand and guide him gently to the place they were supposed to be. Usually children don't like to be treated like an incompetent so he might suddenly remember how to do it himself. It throws them off when you don't get into a power struggle with them and you can keep things simple yet still get the job done. Give him two choices that you can live with and let him save face and comply without feeling like there is a Loser/winner in the situation.

Last week I was calmly > requesting him to do something or stop doing something, and > he was sticking his shoe in my face. Most often if he's not > denying doing something wrong, he just lets out rude noises > when I'm trying to talk to him. How do you discipline this > type of behavior in your classroom?

He still might be just testing you to see if you will give in if he doesn't. Giving choices you can live with will take away his power and will give him a good place to start to find that cooperating can make him feel important. Adults tend to talk way too much to children when a simple and direct request will suffice. He might have a processing challenge and instead of doing what he is supposed to, it is easier to make noises then admit he didn't have a clue what you were saying. He might also be "Mom deaf" and makes the noises to tune the adult out when he doesn't want to hear what is being said to him. It is a learned behavior.

I don't want the other > kids hearing this and think they can "get by" with talking > to me like that too. I can't have any kind of discussion > with this kid about his behavior without him disrespecting > me.

Again, a child who feels respected will respect you back. I would seriously work on building a bond with this little guy like I mentioned above and go from there. You need to earn his respect and it looks like he has you lumped into the same group of the adults he has had in his life. You need to break out from his perceptions that adults are there to try to tell him what to do all the time. It is an art to be able to walk the fine line of being able to get children to comply with your wishes without coming across as bossy. (sorry about using that word but that is how children look at it). The "Secret" is forming a bond with those children and before they realize it, they are learning how to be respectful to others.

I hope my post is helpful and you can make a difference in his life. He can learn this easier now then later, which might be too late if only punished now. Discipline is teaching, not something one does to a child. maureen

Oct 4, 2012

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