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The custodian of an elementary school sent this e-mail August 30, 2014 to teachers and staff with the heading "The long and the short of it."

Custodians will be at IVE on Sunday or Monday. If you have any last requests let us know as this is last call. That is the short of it. If you enjoy the long of it then with out further delay:

Ding! Aaaaaahhhhh ladies and gentlemen this is your custodian speaking, on behalf of the flight crew let me welcome you abroad IVE flight 2014 -15 to First Day-Sept with continuing service through the Last Day-June. Aaaaaahhhhh, folks we've just hit our cruising altitude, flying directly over Labor day weekend. I've turned on the "last call light" which means you are now free to ask for any last demands including but not limited to other teachers names flashcards, Segway, Xanax Pez dispenser, desks raised, expectations lowered, ruby red slippers, please give us a good principle rain dance, summers over slap, double tall café mocha vodka v...See More

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