Part rant, part plea for help

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Part rant, part plea for help

by Anon for now

Apr 19, 2012

In order to clear a waiting list that was mounting up for some of the younger rooms, my center did a not-very-well- thought-out transition of a bunch of children: 1's room to 2's room, 2's room to PS, and several preschoolers (ranging from 3 years, 4 months to 4 years, 1 month) into my Pre-K program which is *supposed* to be only for children who are entering Kindergarten the following fall (although I started off the year with a small group with October birthdays, so the kindergarten next year thing isn't a hard and fast rule). The three year old came to me because he was on the verge of being disenrolled or pulled out by his parents because of his behavior. It runs the gamut from fairly age appropriate, energetic boy stuff like running around, climbing furniture, and using materials inappropriately, to hurting other children by hitting or knocking them down and jumping on them, to running away from teachers by leaving the classroom or playground. (It was the last one that was the las...See MoreIn order to clear a waiting list that was mounting up for some of the younger rooms, my center did a not-very-well- thought-out transition of a bunch of children: 1's room to 2's room, 2's room to PS, and several preschoolers (ranging from 3 years, 4 months to 4 years, 1 month) into my Pre-K program which is *supposed* to be only for children who are entering Kindergarten the following fall (although I started off the year with a small group with October birthdays, so the kindergarten next year thing isn't a hard and fast rule). The three year old came to me because he was on the verge of being disenrolled or pulled out by his parents because of his behavior. It runs the gamut from fairly age appropriate, energetic boy stuff like running around, climbing furniture, and using materials inappropriately, to hurting other children by hitting or knocking them down and jumping on them, to running away from teachers by leaving the classroom or playground. (It was the last one that was the last straw, because our policy is that if a child runs out of the room they have to go home--please don't ask why, because I don't know. Random zero tolerance gets on my nerves, and his parents weren't a big fan of it either since it affects their work attendance!) I'm known as the teacher who can fix behavior problems, so, YAY! Present for me...fix him! And I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with this, but I am. He's making me nuts to the point I'm having difficulty not showing it, which is just going to exacerbate the problem ("Heeheehee, look at the shade of red Teacher's face turns when I do this...let me see if I can do that again!"). I think part of the problem is that my room was in such a good place, and now it's turning chaotic, and I can't deal!

This child does okay during times of structure. During large group, he tends to invade people's space and can't sit still as long as we need him to, but our rug is overcrowded for our larger class size and he's 3 1/2, not 5 (new rug on the way, and he'll be 5 in a year and a half!). He is eager to participate in art, science, and sensory activities, as well as group games. He loves the cars and trucks in the block center and puzzles in the math center. He doesn't do so well during music and movement-- starts the running/climbing behaviors--so we keep him near us or hold his hand and that sometimes helps, but not always (but I hate making kids sit during times when they NEED to move). I figure maybe the music and all the other kids' energy during that time is overstimulating? But what to do???

The worst times are transitions. I have a consistent schedule, I give countdown warnings as we near the end of center time--including personal ones for him, and we use a consistent routine for clean-up and the down-time after meals/snacks...but still, he goes nuts and starts running around, diving over furniture, knocking things down, knocking people down...it's a mess. Possibly the same type trigger as music and movement time? We use clean-up songs on the CD player and the general volume of the room always goes up during clean up. And after meals, kids are kind of all over the place, cleaning up their area, washing up, using the bathroom before nap, walking around choosing books...mild degrees of chaos come with the territory. So, again, what to do??? The meals themselves are also challenging. He's a picky eater and doesn't want to BE at the table, much less sit there until other friends are beginning to finish...but I want him to sit there for at least a while so we can model the table manners, polite conversation, etc. and at least encourage him to try something that's on his plate. That's not the wrong thing to do, or is it?? Also, as soon as he gets up from the table, he starts running around, and my co-teacher and I need to 1) log precisely what each child ate on their communication form, 2) clean the bowls, wipe down the chairs, sanitize the table, and sweep, and 3) put out nap mats and nap items. When our attention is on any of those things, the negative behaviors start and escalate. Those three things HAVE to happen, they are not optional, they require both of us, and they all take time. ARGH!

I think the thing that has me most beside myself is that I'm *good* at wrangling this kind of kid...but he makes me feel like a failure. All of my usual tools just don't work...I have clear, positively stated expectations (adjusted for the fact that he is 3 1/2, not 5!) I give transition warnings and reminders of the expectations, I am trying desperately to catch him being good and give specific praise to him as well as praising the appropriate behavior of people near him rather than constantly correcting him, I am consistent with consequences, I am trying hard to pick my battles, I try to ignore minor behaviors (unsuccessfully, because he escalates and escalates and escalates and I really don't want to get fired because I "let" him get a concussion or break an arm or leg, nor will I let him hurt other children and that is his behavior of last resort, I've noticed), I try as often as possible to set him up as a "special helper"...none of it works! Every day, every transition time, same behaviors.

Sorry for the long post...I started to type and it just spewed out. Any input at all would be very much appreciated...even if it's just a "been there, dealt with that." Good thing tomorrow's Friday...I need a bit of space I think!

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maureen Anon: You didn't say how long he has been in your room now. I got the idea that this happened in recent weeks? I never understood the reasoning behind many early childhood programs for moving pre school aged children during the school year when it consistency and routine are so important to these children. I can see if it is when the child's enviro...See MoreAnon: You didn't say how long he has been in your room now. I got the idea that this happened in recent weeks? I never understood the reasoning behind many early childhood programs for moving pre school aged children during the school year when it consistency and routine are so important to these children. I can see if it is when the child's environment is not meeting the needs of that child and the move does just that. I had a 3 year old with a room full of 5 year olds many years ago, but she was gifted and she fit in size wise (tall) and ability. I do know that when I would get a new student in the fall to the program, I always told parents that it takes an average of 6 weeks for a new child to make the adjustment. Some do earlier, some later. I think moving a child mid year even if it is supposedly a "better fit" might take the longer time. Also, considering he is coming from a classroom where his needs were not being met, he developed some possible negative behaviors due to what was done or allowed in the previous classroom, it might take him longer to adjust because naturally he is doing what such a child would do - he is testing his limits! By being consistent with your expectations and being pro active instead of reactive to known behaviors, you can eventually win him over. It was good to read that you don't force him to join for group activities.

I don't know what kind of "laws" you have in your state for the type of program you have. In our classrooms we are allowed to do "food preparation". When the children participate in the actual making of their snack, breakfast, whatever, the chances that they will eat it increases tenfold. Incorporate that idea into your routine and I would be anything that he would eventually start eating what he makes himself.

I have always taught multiage which means my students have been a three year age spead of 3 through age 6 in the same room. There is a lot of difference in needs between those ages developmentally as you realize. So, it is important that the learning environment is set up to meet the different developmental needs of the different ages.

It is too bad that your center is focussing on the adults' needs (making money) to those of the children. I really believe that the change in environment for him, his age of development and doing this mid year into an established class is just a "perfect storm" for the behaviors you are experiencing.

I have had many children, especially boys, over the years who resist group singing. They might sit out to the side of the room which was ok with me as long as they didn't disturb the others who wanted to sing. Although the children wouldn't be participating, it was not unusual to hear from parents how their child (who never sang a note or participated in class) were singing all these new songs and fingerplays that he had been learning at school. So, even if it looks like they aren't paying attention, they are. If you need to have your co teacher sit with him to help him remember to control his body and voice, then that is a very good way to let you do your job and allow the child the freedom and time he needs to reach the point where he feels ready to join the group.

Apr 22, 2012

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Diane Henderson OMGosh... I can certainly empathize, and since you wanted a "been there done that" you have it.

I am also sending you a hug and hoping that by now things are better.

If not, perhaps a few kid-tested, things that I dreamed up out of near periods of insanity may help you too!

It's all FREE.

"Windows of Good Beh...See MoreOMGosh... I can certainly empathize, and since you wanted a "been there done that" you have it.

I am also sending you a hug and hoping that by now things are better.

If not, perhaps a few kid-tested, things that I dreamed up out of near periods of insanity may help you too!

It's all FREE.

"Windows of Good Behavior" and "Move It Boards" worked with 2 of my really (shall we say more energetic ADHD boys) when nothing else would. I also had lots of success with "Bright Behavior" and "Bee-utiful Behavior" both "modification" plans that I had my entire class working on.

I typed up 70+ tips for transitions and put together a 66-page packet of behavior charts, notes and contracts along with all sorts of certificates, sticker charts, and a cute book called "Please Keep These To Yourself".

The goodies can be found under "Classroom Management". Click on the link and scroll down to whatever you think might help you control your little munchkin(s), stay sane, and keep teaching!

[link removed]. :-)

Oh and remember to practice the 3 R's: rest, relax & rejuvenate Tomorrow is always another day!

On 4/19/12, Anon for now wrote: > In order to clear a waiting list that was mounting up for > some of the younger rooms, my center did a not-very-well- > thought-out transition of a bunch of children: 1's room to > 2's room, 2's room to PS, and several preschoolers (ranging > from 3 years, 4 months to 4 years, 1 month) into my Pre-K > program which is *supposed* to be only for children who are > entering Kindergarten the following fall (although I > started off the year with a small group with October > birthdays, so the kindergarten next year thing isn't a hard > and fast rule). The three year old came to me because he > was on the verge of being disenrolled or pulled out by his > parents because of his behavior. It runs the gamut from > fairly age appropriate, energetic boy stuff like running > around, climbing furniture, and using materials > inappropriately, to hurting other children by hitting or > knocking them down and jumping on them, to running away > from teachers by leaving the classroom or playground. (It > was the last one that was the last straw, because our > policy is that if a child runs out of the room they have to > go home--please don't ask why, because I don't know. > Random zero tolerance gets on my nerves, and his parents > weren't a big fan of it either since it affects their work > attendance!) I'm known as the teacher who can fix behavior > problems, so, YAY! Present for me...fix him! And I don't > know why I'm having such a hard time with this, but I am. > He's making me nuts to the point I'm having difficulty not > showing it, which is just going to exacerbate the problem > ("Heeheehee, look at the shade of red Teacher's face turns > when I do this...let me see if I can do that again!"). I > think part of the problem is that my room was in such a > good place, and now it's turning chaotic, and I can't deal! > > This child does okay during times of structure. During > large group, he tends to invade people's space and can't > sit still as long as we need him to, but our rug is > overcrowded for our larger class size and he's 3 1/2, not 5 > (new rug on the way, and he'll be 5 in a year and a > half!). He is eager to participate in art, science, and > sensory activities, as well as group games. He loves the > cars and trucks in the block center and puzzles in the math > center. He doesn't do so well during music and movement-- > starts the running/climbing behaviors--so we keep him near > us or hold his hand and that sometimes helps, but not > always (but I hate making kids sit during times when they > NEED to move). I figure maybe the music and all the other > kids' energy during that time is overstimulating? But what > to do??? > > The worst times are transitions. I have a consistent > schedule, I give countdown warnings as we near the end of > center time--including personal ones for him, and we use a > consistent routine for clean-up and the down-time after > meals/snacks...but still, he goes nuts and starts running > around, diving over furniture, knocking things down, > knocking people down...it's a mess. Possibly the same type > trigger as music and movement time? We use clean-up songs > on the CD player and the general volume of the room always > goes up during clean up. And after meals, kids are kind of > all over the place, cleaning up their area, washing up, > using the bathroom before nap, walking around choosing > books...mild degrees of chaos come with the territory. So, > again, what to do??? The meals themselves are also > challenging. He's a picky eater and doesn't want to BE at > the table, much less sit there until other friends are > beginning to finish...but I want him to sit there for at > least a while so we can model the table manners, polite > conversation, etc. and at least encourage him to try > something that's on his plate. That's not the wrong thing > to do, or is it?? Also, as soon as he gets up from the > table, he starts running around, and my co-teacher and I > need to 1) log precisely what each child ate on their > communication form, 2) clean the bowls, wipe down the > chairs, sanitize the table, and sweep, and 3) put out nap > mats and nap items. When our attention is on any of those > things, the negative behaviors start and escalate. Those > three things HAVE to happen, they are not optional, they > require both of us, and they all take time. ARGH! > > I think the thing that has me most beside myself is that > I'm *good* at wrangling this kind of kid...but he makes me > feel like a failure. All of my usual tools just don't > work...I have clear, positively stated expectations > (adjusted for the fact that he is 3 1/2, not 5!) I give > transition warnings and reminders of the expectations, I am > trying desperately to catch him being good and give > specific praise to him as well as praising the appropriate > behavior of people near him rather than constantly > correcting him, I am consistent with consequences, I am > trying hard to pick my battles, I try to ignore minor > behaviors (unsuccessfully, because he escalates and > escalates and escalates and I really don't want to get > fired because I "let" him get a concussion or break an arm > or leg, nor will I let him hurt other children and that is > his behavior of last resort, I've noticed), I try as often > as possible to set him up as a "special helper"...none of > it works! Every day, every transition time, same > behaviors. > > Sorry for the long post...I started to type and it just > spewed out. Any input at all would be very much > appreciated...even if it's just a "been there, dealt with > that." Good thing tomorrow's Friday...I need a bit of > space I think!

May 3, 2012

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TeachAnita It has been nearly a month now, how is the class/child functioning now?

What type of support will the Director provide?

In the past when I feel a disruptive change in my classroom I have asked the Director to observe the classroom, am I missing something that triggers inappropriate behavior. Our new director has come in to work wi...See More

May 13, 2012

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OP Thank you all for your input and support!

The past few weeks have gone a lot better. My rant here helped me get my frustration with the overall situation out, and my coteacher helped me be able to spend some time just observing the little guy. She is a joy to work with, and I love her to death! He was showing more inappropriate behavior wi...See MoreThank you all for your input and support!

The past few weeks have gone a lot better. My rant here helped me get my frustration with the overall situation out, and my coteacher helped me be able to spend some time just observing the little guy. She is a joy to work with, and I love her to death! He was showing more inappropriate behavior with her in the mornings before I arrived than he did with me, so I decided to just go with the idea that it was meal avoidance. I suggested to her that as soon as she arrives to pick up the kids from the other classroom she should check in with him, say good morning, and tell him that it was almost time to clean up and move to the Pre-K room for breakfast, and he could choose whether he wanted to come to the table if it was food he liked or choose a puzzle to do if it wasn't food he liked, but he needed to listen to her words and follow directions and if he made bad choices, like running around or leaving the classroom or getting out other toys, he would need to come to the table. (Holy run-on sentence!) Then, when she got the kids down to our room, she'd remind him again, breakfast would be here soon, but he didn't have to come to the table, he could do a puzzle instead as long as he made good choices. And lo and behold, he made good choices, kept his body in the classroom and did puzzles or came to the table as he so desired...and that has continued to date. A similar approach hasn't worked so well leading up to lunchtime, because we're not allowed to make lunch optional for him so he can't bypass the table entirely. But if he comes to the table, puts some of each food on his plate, and sits nicely, I have been letting him get up before the other children and put out a few different bins of toys at the circle time rug for all the children to play with as they finish. He loves to be a helper! We've had mixed success...but I do follow through, and if he doesn't follow directions I let someone else choose the toy bins and he stays at the table a little longer (on the plus side, he clearly understands that I will follow through, because when I've had to keep him at the table, he listens to me explain why I have to do so, and he stays without argument until he is excused). I have also had some success with talking quietly with him as we observe the other children together. For example, at naptime, he has not been able to just go sit down on his mat and wait for a teacher to come pat his back. One afternoon after the kids were mostly settled, I dashed out for a potty break before my coteacher began her break and returned to the room to find him climbing the dress-up clothes rack. I got him down and sat down with him on my lap and I wondered aloud about how it seemed to be really hard for him to go to his mat at rest time. I pointed out the other boys in our class, who were in various states of resting: some almost asleep already, some still arranging pillow pets and blankets, some lying down but awake, one sitting up...but all were on their mats and quiet, and none of them needed to have a teacher sit next to them...they knew the right choice and made their bodies do the right thing. I told him that I was positive he could do that too, and we would work on it together. So I've been reminding him before sending him to his mat, let's see if he can go to his mat all by himself today and stay their quietly until I can come pat his back...again, mixed success, but progress in the right direction. As far as controlling his body at group times, since we got our new, larger rug he has been doing much better, and rarely has to sit with a teacher. Overall, things are much better than they were, and I have confidence we can make it work!

To answer some of your questions, TeachAnita...the director is supportive but her suggestions are impractical, do not apply, or are things we have tried. I don't feel that his behaviors, overall, warrant him being on a "behavior plan" (our last ditch effort before disenrolling). The running out of the classroom is bad, but it's more for effect than any true effort to escape or hide. He's not going out the front or back doors, just into the hallway, and it's not when we're not looking...only when we are! Honestly speaking though, the administration waits far too long to initiate the "behavior plan" process. There are lots of situations when children ARE being dangers to themselves or others that are ignored or glossed over until a teacher is truly at the end of her rope, and it shouldn't be that we. As a school, we should be more proactive in these situations. As for his parents, thankfully, their eyes are wide open to his behavior and they are supportive of me and my coteacher. I've gotten a couple very heartfelt apologies from them ("I'm so sorry he put you in that situation!") in response to various situations, and I think they appreciate that we are trying our best to be proactive and try a variety of approaches with him (as opposed to his previous teacher who, unfortunately, was and is at the end of her rope and wanted him to just be disenrolled already). We do work with Early Intervention...when the parents initiate the process. We are not able to call and say, "Help, we have this child who..."

On 5/13/12, TeachAnita wrote: > It has been nearly a month now, how is the class/child > functioning now? > > What type of support will the Director provide? > > In the past when I feel a disruptive change in my classroom I > have asked the Director to observe the classroom, am I missing > something that triggers inappropriate behavior. Our new > director has come in to work with a disruptive child, and then > would try to come by occassionally to check in with the child > at various times to say "Hi" and comment on appropriate > behaviors. > > Are the parents experiencing busy behavior with the child > (they may or may not be honest-but what have you observed at > arrival and departure times)? > > Have you requested the parents to observe (we have access to a > room where parents can watch through the mirror w/o being > seen)? > > Does your center work with Early Intervention, if not maybe it > is time to check into it? > > Back to Director support, what is the bottom line before > asking child to leave center, especially if child endangers > students, staff or self? Will the Director follow through? > > Best Wishes for calmness in the classroom. >

May 13, 2012

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Me Would be interesting to see if he is a Capricorn....bday between Dec 20 (or close) and Jan 20...But, I digress....

On 4/21/12, OP wrote: > He doesn't eat, period. His dad, in a conversation with my co-teacher, > said that when the child is hungry he gets out of control...but he just > won't eat. His mom is a nurse, and in a very b...See More

May 16, 2012

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