Last Call!

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Last Call!

by Discouragedoptimist Foundmissing

Sep 3, 2014

The custodian of an elementary school sent this e-mail August 30, 2014 to teachers and staff with the heading "The long and the short of it."

Custodians will be at IVE on Sunday or Monday. If you have any last requests let us know as this is last call. That is the short of it. If you enjoy the long of it then with out further delay:

Ding! Aaaaaahhhhh ladies and gentlemen this is your custodian speaking, on behalf of the flight crew let me welcome you abroad IVE flight 2014 -15 to First Day-Sept with continuing service through the Last Day-June. Aaaaaahhhhh, folks we've just hit our cruising altitude, flying directly over Labor day weekend. I've turned on the "last call light" which means you are now free to ask for any last demands including but not limited to other teachers names flashcards, Segway, Xanax Pez dispenser, desks raised, expectations lowered, ruby red slippers, please give us a good principle rain dance, summers over slap, double tall café mocha vodka v...See MoreThe custodian of an elementary school sent this e-mail August 30, 2014 to teachers and staff with the heading "The long and the short of it."

Custodians will be at IVE on Sunday or Monday. If you have any last requests let us know as this is last call. That is the short of it. If you enjoy the long of it then with out further delay:

Ding! Aaaaaahhhhh ladies and gentlemen this is your custodian speaking, on behalf of the flight crew let me welcome you abroad IVE flight 2014 -15 to First Day-Sept with continuing service through the Last Day-June. Aaaaaahhhhh, folks we've just hit our cruising altitude, flying directly over Labor day weekend. I've turned on the "last call light" which means you are now free to ask for any last demands including but not limited to other teachers names flashcards, Segway, Xanax Pez dispenser, desks raised, expectations lowered, ruby red slippers, please give us a good principle rain dance, summers over slap, double tall café mocha vodka valium sprinkles latte with whip. Please note the no smoking, no guns, no dogs, no animals, no opposite sex complimenting, no dodge ball , no Halloween candy, no Christmas, no junk food lights will remain illuminated throughout all flying in compliance with ISD regulations. Feel free to get hopped up on Starbucks, chew bubble gum or complain amongst yourselves. Those aren't ISD prohibited. Not yet! To clear up the question on everyone's mind: I have no idea why our PA system is so damn loud. Complementary ear plugs will be handed out as our maintenance crew looks into this shortly in the next six to nine months. Also, if you find yourself at any point dizzy with air sickness walking the length of the cabin thinking "My god I am going insane nothing looks like it matches." I assure you you have not lost your mind. Nothing matches. Another thing, if one of the other members of the flight melts down into tears or spontaneously combusts, waiving the bird over their head at you as they eject themselves out of the emergency exit, please remain calm, fasten your seatbelt and breath deep through your oxygen mask. It's just something that happens now and again. We may experience some turbulence as a high pressure front will persist through Monday evening where a low convergence depression will hail down anxiety creating a barometric tendency toward absolute dread. The extended forecast is foggy, with the attitude in the atmosphere lifting toward a positive tilt trough with promised sunshine. As we make our descent Tuesday morning into Insanity International I would like to remind you there are no transfers, time is not refundable, there are no parachutes on board and in the end it's all about altitude. And now folks if I may give a heartfelt word on behalf of the little passengers who are about to be in our charge, yet not of the age to conceive, comprehend, nor appreciate the journey it is you are about to take them on and therefore most assuredly will not thank you. Thank you for helping me escape poverty. Thank you for the chance to make my parents proud. Thank you for the words leading me to lead. Thank you for not just allowing me to live but to live well. Thank you for the times I know just what to do. Thank you for making hard things easy. Thank you for teaching me not just too count but what counts. Thank you for not doing what I was capable of doing myself. And thank you for the intellect to ignore the cant's, the no way's, the impossible's, the never's and the confidence to listen to your "I think therefore I can!" Finally theses last words as summer fades into ever increasing reality with the school year commencing in a new school with a new principal. Here's wishing for the poise to measure our pessimism, looking to the future with guarded optimism in hope that what will come to pass is a good year. I do believe it's true! That there is a long, ageless, distant and destined day where one will point back to this world settled in light and life to say "I was part of that!" Partake in education and you are a credit to the long, long narrative of the forward struggle of the human species emerging from the darkness of ignorance into the light of truth.

A pleasure to join you on this trip,

Custodian

Education breeds confidence. Confidence breeds hope. Hope breeds peace. ~Confucius

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